Adoption Questions...?

Question

I am intrested in either becoming a foster parent or adoting.

I lost my husband in January, so I am a single parent and I have 4 children that are 8 months, 5 years, 10 years and 12. I want to adopt kids young or older because I am a social worker and have seen so many cases where drug addict parents cannot handle having a child or a parent is abusive.

I live in Alanta, Georgia. This is my first time adopting or wanting to be a foster parent. Can you give me any tips on how to go about this? Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Gabbie,

I'm shaking my head here, thinking the grief of losing your husband and the hormones from your recent pregnancy have challenged your good common sense.

Or is this a joke?

I can't believe a single parent with four children would want, much less be able to properly take care of a fifth child.  If you really feel like you want to take on another child, I'd recommend some therapy/grief counseling instead.

Not only would it not be good for your four children to have your attention further divided, but you would not be a capable mother to an adopted/foster child.  These children should really be considered 'special needs' children, because they too have suffered great losses (their parents & extended families) before they get to their permadent homes.

Adopted/foster children deserve far more emotional support than you can possibly offer.

I hope you pour all your energy into your children, and navigating the long road ahead as a mother of four without a partner.

Best to you.

Answer 2

First off I am sorry for your loss. Truthfully it has only been a year and this being your first holiday season without your husband I think you really need to focus on grieving your loss and helping your children work through theirs. I understand that you must move on but moving on is more than finding other ways to occupy your time and energy. Your family needs to heal and healing takes more than a year especially for children. Added to that the amount of love and care that goes into being a foster parent and I would be lying if I encouraged you to peruse this. I actually feel that due to the circumstances of your life right now that you could not possibly meet the needs of foster children and continue to care properly for your self and your own children. I would also like to bring up the fact that your children have suffered a tremendous loss and it would only add to it by exposing them to a child or children that they will become attatched to only to lose them as well. It is hard for us as adults to accept it when children exit our lives and children feel this even stronger if they bonded with that child becuase it is hard for them to accept and remember that going back is a possibility. I really think you need to wait a few years before considering this.

Answer 3

I have to agree with those who are not in total favor of this. While I commend you for wanting to help with Fostering and adoption especially for kids who are  from addicted Moms many times come with added issues.

Now mind you I am not saying you can not handle it I do not know you well enough to say

However you Just lost your husband this year which means your kids just lost their father.

Is it really fair to them to now bring in more siblings and you working  and then dealing with loss and change as they are?

Being a social worker I would think that you would want to provide as much support top your kids through this as you can and well also allow time for yourself to deal and heal.

Honestly it sounds like you are trying to avoid the feelings of loss and not really deal with it at all for you or your kids and that could in the end really leave gaps and holes

Please take a few years spend it with your kids and show them that while they lost one They have YOU all of you  and you are not going anywhere

if you still feel this way when your youngest hits 4 or 5 than hey try some short term foster care if you still feel the desire BUT please discuss it with your kids even then NOT saying they run anything but they only have you now and they should have a say in sharing you.

Good Luck My prayers are with you

Answer 4

i would think as a social worker you'd have lots of resources...check with an adoption agency or the county office that handles these cases.

Answer 5

If you are a social worker, isn't there someone in your office you can contact??  

Also I know you said that you lost your husband in Jan and you have some huge responsabilities already with the children that you are raising alone now.  You may think how fair to them that would be.  Four children as young as yours are, being raised by a single mom.... big responsability.  And if you are still in the work force, more daycare.... and with most foster/adoptions, there is many years of medical attentions to have to deal with.  

Consider helping in a less intrusive way for your children.  They need a mother who is there for them now that there is no longer a father involved.

Answer 6

Contact a social worker working for the State of Georgia... they should have the answers you need.

Answer 7

I would recommend contacting your colleagues for assistance.  As a social worker, I would think that you have relatively easy access to the local Dept of Human Services or Children & Youth Dept.  They should be able to assist you.

Good luck.