Adoption and feelings of abandonment?

Question

This was written in another response to another question:

Tell them often that you're not going away. (adoptees can sometimes have a strong sense of abandonment - and being left for long periods of time can trigger emotions if they are effected.)

Does age of adoption play a factor in how strong a child might feel the abandonment? Does a child feel abandonment more if they have contact with the birth family or less?

Answer 1

I was relinquished at 1 week - adopted at 2 weeks.

I wrote the comment above.

My a-dad also died just before my first b'day.

My a-mother then had to go to work full time - me in care.

I was once left (by mistake) at a large train station after camp when I was 8 (my a-mum got the dates of my return mixed up).

It was a hugely traumatic event for me - and my psych confirmed that my reaction would have been directly linked from my own adoption experience.

I have heard from many other adoptees that abandonment issues rate high with them.

I wrote the comment on a question pertaining to what an adoptive parent could do that some adoptee's parents didn't do.

I'm not a single case. So I thought I'd share.

Wouldn't it be best to be aware of possible issues - rather than ignore them out of hand??

Perhaps if I'd had contact with my first family - or even been allowed to know my adoption story - rather than the secrecy and lies - then yes - I do think my reactions may have been less intense.

Answer 2

i dont think age can effect it. i was adopted at 3 month old and i have felt those feelings before. i think that yes if the child does have contact with the birth family it is best. i do and it has helped a lot.

Answer 3

I had 3 sets of parents by the time I was 3.  bio'. first adoption, then another set of adoptive parents where I stayed. The first adoption was full of abuse. I have met and had a relationship with my grandparents. And still have one with my cousins. I don't have issues with abandonment because of that. I feel more alone at the deaths of my mom and dad and my best friend being killed than anything with adoption. I have never felt like my bio abandoned me. I don't think age matters it's all on how you process what has happened and how you deal with it personally that makes the difference.

Answer 4

I think adoption can play a factor in attachment, but it isn't a certain. I think it has to do with the child's personality and the way they are parented. I was adopted at birth, and I didn't experience any attachment difficulties, but I always felt safe and secure in my family. I do have a friend who had parents divorce when she was 5 has serious attachment issues, so experience can play a factor.

I think the age of adoption can make a huge difference, as can the circumstances leading up to the adoption (abuse, neglect, length of time in interim care, etc.)

Answer 5

If age does play a role, I would say that the earlier the relinquishment the more the effect.  I say this because the younger a child is, the more dependent s/he is on the mother, who is likely to be one of the only, if not the only, person upon whom the child has ever depended.  That makes the severing of this relationship more traumatic at an earlier age.  

The adoption, although it will hopefully aid in healing by providing a good, stable home environment following the relinquishment, is itself a big change and adjustment, since the child is switching mothers.  

As someone else noted, what happens during the formative years (birth to age 5) has a strong effect on a person.  The severance of the highly dependent mother-child bond and switching to a new mother during those years, then, would certainly have an effect.

Answer 6

i good