Adoption older kids?

Question

i just got done watching Meet the Robinsons with my little cousins and it got me thinking about adopting and older child to give them a chance becuase no one wants onder kid they want babies would it be wierd to adopt a older child or nice has anyone done this that can give me some advice

Answer 1

They'll have too many problems, it wouldn't be worth it.  What's the point?

Answer 2

I don't know why Ashley was given a thumbs down...whether she's adopted older or not, her thoughts were truthful.

We adopted a 9 and 10 year old brother and sister last year.  Their first question was:  "why us and not a baby?"

Talk about a hard question.

Hubby and I long had decided that if we were going to have a family (I have had 5 miscarriages) that if we were given a "choice", we'd bypass the diapers and 2 a.m. feedings and give our home and our hearts to older children.

They are no less deserving of a good home than an infant.

When we were matched with our kids, we had several visits on the weekends, then they got to come to our house and stay the weekend, and then they moved in for good.

The match was perfect, and the kids are VERY well adjusted children.

The experience was more than we had EVER hoped for, and we realize how lucky we are.

I am so happy you are considering an older child to adopt...the babies can find their homes...so call your local foster or adoption unit (through social services or child protection) and see if you can hook up with a social worker there who can start you on your journey.

I wish you MUCH luck and success!

Answer 3

I have adopted an 8 1/2 year old boy from China this past summer. I think older child adoption is great, but its not for everyone. I'm not going to blame that fact on the kids, who are innocent victims and suffer because of adults that can't get their s*** together. If you want to adopt an older child, you need to realize first that its not going to be anything like a Disney movie where the child is so grateful to be adopted and they are just a happy family forever and ever and the aparent is the hero. Not to say you won't live happily ever after, just to say its not as easy as adopting them and the presto, its sunshine and roses! Most older kids, especially those coming from an institutional setting or those who have spent a lot of time bouncing around in the foster care system, are going to have some issues. These issues might be major ones, or they could be mild. I'm dealing with some of the milder ones with my son now, but as my friend just told me, dealing with mild issues is like being pecked to death by a chicken. They aren't that bad, but they wear you down over time. Things such as lying, food hoarding, sensory issues, regression, not listening, being sneaky, etc are not major issues like say, threatening you with a knife, sexually inappropriate behavior or setting the house on fire, but you do need to be a very strong, firm, sympathetic and totally committed individual to deal. When these adoptions are disrupted because the adult finds they can't handle the child's needs, the child is again rejected and suffers even more emotional damage. Thats why I am telling you all of this, so that you can really stop and consider if you are the type of person who is able to handle issues, large or small, with your child and not back out on them even if your life doesn't even come close to being like a Disney movie. If not, I would suggest you not adopt. If you are that type of person, then I definitely suggest you look into older child adoption, as there are so so many children out there who need loving parents. Its a VERY rewarding experience, in case it sounds like I am being completely negative.

Here are some links you may appreciate - http://www.olderchildadoption.com/

http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/adoption/hea...

http://www.nysccc.org/Conferences/Conf20...

http://www.drfederici.com/raising_child....

Answer 4

I think it could work out just as well as adopting a baby...

Be open and honest towards the children, tell them that you want to be the best parents you can be to them, but that even adults make mistakes sometimes and you would like for them to tell you when they feel youve wronged them.Be strict and loving and HONEST...

Good luck!

Answer 5

That would be wonderful

Answer 6

I actually agree with noodles about the file 'Meet the Robinsons' - it's not recommended at ALL!!  The poor kid gets rejected 100 times over

As for the second part of noodles answer - well, that speaks for itself; nasty, just nasty!

Actually, as I know you consider me  a member of the 'anti's' I would like to say that I gave a thumbs up to the answerers you mention and I would request that you refrain from such abusive and disgusting language against other members. Thanks.

Answer 7

I adopted 2 toddlers that were considered "hard to place".  I got 2 great kids and am glad I adopted them.  a woman I know adopted 2 older children and the daughter has been a real challenge.  she sneaks out at night, disappears for days at a time, and has been put in juvenile facilities.  BUT you don't know what you'll get when you give birth either.  a kid can have an excellent, loving home either by birth or adoption and have emotional problems. NO kid comes with a guarantee.  I think any person who adopts should be supported in any way possible.  good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think it is weird at all.  I am a foster parent and we plan to adopt a child or children through foster care.  I think it is wonderful when people want to provide a home to older children, since they are often difficult to place.  One thing I would say is, if you are thinking of adopting through foster care, you may want to become a foster parent, as foster parents are usually given the option to adopt the children first.  Even if you don't want to be a foster parent, you may want to go to your local social services agency and see if you can attend some of the trainings to help prepare you for the types of issues you may face with an older child adoption.  

Older children come with a history that you may know little about, so adoption of an older child will entail difficulties that an infant adoption probably won't.  I think that is the main reason that many people are afraid to adopt older children.  However, just because it won't be "easy" doesn't mean these children don't need loving and supportive families.  It is wonderful that people are willing to open thier hearts and homes.  Just do your research first so that you are prepared for what is ahead.  Disruptions in adoptive placements (like when a parent changes their mind about the adoption) are very traumatizing to the children.  Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

Answer 9

I'd say if you did, meet with the kid first for a while. Not to sound mean, but you don't want to bring home a child with problems (anger problems or just a child you can't seem to connect at all with). Maybe take up being a foster parent, if you had the heart. That way, you'd get to meet all these kids - and if you really connect with any - you can adopt them.

Answer 10

It would be really nice to adopt an older child, people generally go for babies.

Answer 11

Usually I don't like to read movie reviews before seeing a film, but I subscribe to Adoptive Families & they have a warning about "Meet The Robinsons".

Regardless, I think it's awesome that you would like to adopt an older child. I think the US foster system is horrible and I feel so badly for these older kids who've been shuffled in and out of homes and so often are over looked. Here's wishing you the best of luck & wishes. And no, it isn't weird. It proves you are a decent and empathetic human being who will be a good mother.

Storm: Ashley & the rest of you were given thumbs down from a group of lunatic trolls who've taken over the adoption forum. I'll get a lot too. They have chased off most of the Top Contributors too. Sometimes they are too chicken to leave a comment so they just stalk the forum members they hate and vote en masse the opposite of what everyone else knows is right, unless, of course it is one of them who post a question. If you'll notice from past Q&A's, they'll wait to see what people are answering and then all come in together and flood the forum with their ranting, raving, spam & propaganda. For good measure, if you stick around long enough, say a couple of days, they'll file false violation reports on you too. So now you know you're not going crazy. They are the ones who are certifiably insane. Try to ignore them and avoid their posts.

LOL: Heather, I don't believe I mentioned your name at all in here. So much for all the times you've lied & denied that you are not an anti-adoption fanatic. Thanks, you just proved my point!