Advice with my step daughter please

Question

My step daughter is 6 and spends the weekend over our house every 2 weeks. (She sees her father in between on the thursday night every other week). My partner and I have a 14 month old daughter. The two girls get on really well. We all get on really well and my step daughter is a lovely & kind person.

Here's my dilema. When my step daughter comes over my partner and I encourage her to play with her sister (our 14 month old) because they don't see eachother much. She will start to play with her but then come over and sit with me. In fact my step daughter follows me everywhere in the house. If I get up and go to the kitchen to put a plate in the sink for example, she will come in and then return to the living room with me. SHe has even tried to follow me to the loo but her dad tell her to wait.

Now, I realise that she likes me and i truly think it;s sweet that she wants to be with me but it's constant and i don't get any peace to even be in another room for 5 minutes. I do give her time on the weekend, for example i did colouring and we played with her stamps for 2 hours this weekend.

I would like for her to play with her sister more and give me just a little time but don't know how to do this without offending her. Please help because I only know what to do with toddlers not 6 years olds.

Thanks very much for sensible help

Answer 1

well I'm not an adult but i know stuff. (12 cousins another one coming). u kinda juts have to say it. they get mad for a while then forget about it. my one cousin that i just saw is 6 and was mad for like maybe 15 minutes then was fine. it works!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

My 6 year old does that to her mother all the time.  She doesn't want to play with our 2 year old as much as she used to, she wants to be more grown up.

It's just seems to be typical for a 6 year old, and yes it is annoying but excessively discouraging will damage your future relationship with her.  Talk to her like an adult, let you know that you, like all adults, need SOME space and privacy at times.

Make sure you spend some time specifically with her during the visit, and she won't be quite as clinging the rest of the time she's there.

Answer 3

try taking her to play dates so she will be entertained by someone her own age....she's just looking for attention...is she in day care or kindergarten...i dont have kids but i have a 6  yr old cousin who does that to me she rather play w/ me than her 3 yr old cousins or her 1 yr old sister...but give her somehtignn  to do by herself like swing or soemthign and you can watch her....

Answer 4

Maybe you should ask your partner to have a word and tell her to be more independant and back off a bit. I'm sure she doesn't know what she's doing and that it's annoying you but she wont know until someone says something to her - good luck xx

Answer 5

I have the same problem.  My daughters are 11 and 7 and spend one week with me and one week with their dad.  When they get home, they both fight for my attention.  As you have another child who lives with you permanently, your step-daughter is feeling insecure and just wants to remind you that she is around.  Playing with her is good but you need to let her know that you do need time to yourself, ask your partner to take over for a while.  I find that if you put some music on or ask them to draw you a picture or write about what they would like to do it takes their mind off of being with you.  She might feel a little put out first but as time goes by, she will become more independent.

Hope this helps????

Answer 6

You had better count your blessings that she loves you that much. You have no idea how lucky you are. She is looking for something in you that she is not getting elsewhere. She does not see you on a daily basis, so she hords what little time she does have with you. If she was with you all the time, she would be more secure in her relationship with you and be able to be in the same house with you without having to constantly SEE you. You need to return the love or she could grow to hate you, longing for someone that loves her as much as she loves them, start clinging to your partner like that and maybe drive a wedge between you two. In the meantime, just explain to her that you need just a few moments to yourself. Don't expect her to give you 20mins to yourself at first, but eventually you will get there. Kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for. I'm sure she loves her sister, she is just not studding playing with the baby. Forcing her to play with the baby will cause an unnatural relationship. My kids love each other very much, but the older ones hardly ever played with the babies for extended periods of time. It's normal. PS  She is 6, is there any chance that the whole time she is following you around she is talking to you? 6 yr olds love to talk about real things (to her) and babies are no good for that either. Have you noticed everything you say includes the baby? 'I want her to play w/ the baby, I include her in things with the baby' She wants one on one time. Also, it don't matter if you are her momma or not, she is a child, you are a parental figure, it is yours AND her fathers responsiblity to give her the one on one attention she needs. If you can't treat her as well as the baby, then you might need to check into a partner with no children, just hope they can love YOUR baby as much as you do! THINK ABOUT IT! Another thing: if you feel like the daddy is not spending enough time and loading her off on you, then you need to tell him not to bring her back over there, because you can't give her what she needs and you don't want to affect her in any negative way. You do know she can sense all these feelings right?

Answer 7

My opinion is that maybe she doesnt feel comfortable or maybe hasnt made to be feel comfortable in your home after all she is used to being herself and doing what she want to a certain extant at her home, so if she feels that, that isnt her home she is shy and scared so she turns to the only person she knows. I believe all you have to do is make her feel at home have something that is her area or have you and her decorate a certain part or have her paint a picture and hang it on the wall.



GOOD LUCK  

Answer 8

Well your daughter is only 14 months so it isn't like she can relate to her sister properly yet...not much fun for the older girl after the first few minutes. Are there no older kids nearby to ask over for a couple of hours? My 4 year old follows me everywhere too...I think it is pretty common....maybe she feels like she needs to "put her mark on you" so to speak...she's only 6 and may feel a tad insecure still ...it is a difficult thing for kids to change there living arrangments regularly...maybe you could try giving her a LOT of reassurance.

Answer 9

Sounds like she is starved for attention. A 14 month old can't give this to her. You will need to include her father, yourself and the baby as a unit. Perhaps after a while she won't feel so starved and will enjoy caring for a baby, which is what you are asking her to do without realizing it. This is normal behavior for a 6 year old from a divorced family.

Answer 10

Can't you play with your toddler and have "me" time the other 12 days of the week? I fail to see what the big deal is.

Answer 11

wut a sweet family ^^

Answer 12

She sounds insecure...maybe she feels abandoned by her mom when she visits you, and as she sees you as a mother, wants to make sure you don't abandon her too.

My six year old does the same, thought I haven't figured out the reason why, except that she's just got to know where I am at all times.

Be patient, and don't tell her to leave you alone. Make her feel wanted and loved, and she'll eventually feel secure.

Answer 13

No... don't try to change her, it will come naturally over time. That's a very sweet step-daughter you have, you should be happy.

Answer 14

poor little girl, she sounds starved for attention. you should enjoy the attention now, when she's older  things may be different. you don't have her everyday so let her follow you around. i'm sure she loves her sister but you can't force your baby on her. just love her.

Answer 15

I understand.. you can try and  take them and another friend to the park.. tell her that since she is staying with you that you both can spend time together later.. tell her to go play and show you what a big girl she can be.. slowly try to kinda wean her away from you.. and maybe find crafts her and her sister can do together that she will have to be in charge of to do.. hope this helps.. good luck.

Answer 16

Try setting up a play date with another girl her age in your neighborhood, and try to get her to make friends in the neighborhood so she has something to do when shes there. she would probably get bored with our 14 month old because she is so much younger than her.  

Answer 17

She's 6, and may not want to play with a 1 - year - old baby.  You don't see her very often as it is, so just try deal with it and let her follow you around if it makes her feel better.  She may miss her mother when she's visiting Dad, and you may be the maternal comfort she needs.  

Answer 18

It seems she likes you a lot and wants your attention. She's following you around coz she wants to spend time doing fun stuff with you. Maybe do something creative with her like arts and crafts and involve your little one in it too. Make it so all three of you spend equal time with each other.

Answer 19

I think .. the reason she latches onto you is because she does get attention from you. She likes you. You treat her with kindness and respect. Its very possible her birth mother does not treat her the same way.

Your baby is 14 months old. I know you want them to have a close relationship but I am not sure how close it will be considering the 5 year age difference. It is also quite possible that the 6 year old feels she has more in common with you than with the baby.

Answer 20

one of the easiet things that makes her behave like this is simply that is a big age differnece between a 14 month old and a 6 year old.  my oldest was 5 when i had our baby.  she drove me nuts cause she always wanted to be with me.  eventually i had to be careful and explain to her that i needed time to be by myself and offer her things she can do independentely.  she probably just wants someone to play with that she can talk back and forth with.  maybe u could find a website and let her play ffor half an hour or so on the pc, or really something she can do alone that will hold her interest.