Am I acting like a child? ?

Question

Wondering, if I am acting like a child who misses their mommy?

My family (Husband 2 Kids) moved about 3500 miles away from my parents and any other family I have, he has a good job and wonderful pay insurance etc etc out here, but I simply just don't want to be "here" I miss my parents and my siblings and want to move closer to them even if it means a pay cut and harder times. Am I being childish? I am just so lonely here and I want to be close to family. Husband says when you have kids and a husband your family (extended) is not whats important anymore...

Husband travels a lot and I am honestly considering just moving closer to my parents even if it means without him, he travels so much and to the east coast more than he is here on the west coast anyways.

I am miserable here...

Answer 1

nope. you're not being childish. i know for a fact when i move out to san francisco i'll be feeling lonely and miserable too. you should talk to your husband about telling him how you feel so lonely, and also how he keeps traveling and stuff. if he loves you, he'll understand.

Answer 2

Look for ways to make yourself feel better living where you do. Talk to your family on the phone if it is comforting. Make some friends (easier said than done I know). Get a fun job or volunteer somewhere. Find some hobbies. Do things outdoors. Keep your mind open to trying new things and you might find something you like. Keep talking to other people for advice and there are a lot of people in similar situations. Know that you aren't the only person whose husband took you somewhere you would rather not be.

If you still feel depressed maybe you can talk to a professional therapist, not because there is something wrong with you, but because they have really good advice sometimes.

I can see how moving closer to family might be a solution, especially since your hubby is gone most of the time anyway. You have to consider a lot of things: your kids, yourself, your husband, living arrangements. There is no easy answer and I wish you luck finding what works best for you!

Answer 3

To some extend your husband is right. It is like you dont consider your husband and kids as family.. I must admit 1 might miss their extndd family once in a while but you should get yourself a life.

Answer 4

Don't move closer to your parents without your husband, that's the last thing to do.  To a point he is right.  You're his family now, and you two have a family together.  That is indeed what is most important.  Your parents and siblings will not be with you for the rest of your life - your husband will.  I can understand how you feel, but hang in there.  Love and respect your husband.  And see what can be worked out.  He shouldn't have to give up a good job (hard to find nowadays) and insurance just so you can be closer to your parents.  That's not fair to him or you, for that matter.  Just be content with visits, even if you have to visit alone.

Answer 5

i would leave like every other weekend to go and see your family because it sounds like your being pushed into moving house

stand your ground  

Answer 6

This is a problem that so many families go through. Our son and daughter-in-law lived two blocks away from us. Her family lives in Florida, 1,600 miles away from us. They had a baby girl and when she was 3 months old our daughter-in-law decided she wanted to move where her family was. That was 9 years ago. My husband and I use to go visit them about 3 times a year until 3 years ago. My husbands health has really gone down hill. He has diabetes, heart problems, and Parkinson"s. It is just to hard on him to travel that far any more. He can't stand to be confined for long periods of time like seat belted in. He doesn't want to fly any more and can't stand to be seat belted in the car for hours. It would take us 4 days to drive to their house as my husband can't take more than 4 hours a day. Then there would be the return trip. That's 8 days on the road. Our son and daughter-in-law just refuse to understand why we can't visit any more. They come to visit us once a year. They made the choice to move and they told us that they would come back twice a year. They now have another child, a son and we hardly know him and he is 6 years old. We feel really bad about this but the last time we drove the 1600 miles to see them, it took my husband about 2 days to rest us when we got there and on our way back home, he told me he could never make this trip again. So, I can't make him go. It is a problem. I feel that home should be where your husband and children are. Your family is not always going to be around and some of your siblings might end up moving even if you move back. I think you need to be supportive of your husbands job. However, why can't you make some of those trips back east with him. It would only cost you one plane fare and you could either stay in the hotel with him or stay at your parents. When I was 11 years old our family moved to Connecticut from Illinois. Until that time, I lived right next door to my Grandparents and ate breakfast at my Grandparents house every morning. But, my Dad had a good job opportunity and we had to move. It was pretty bad for all of us and especiallly for my Mom. She had to leave her Dad in the hospital and he had just had his leg amputated. In those days, there was no e-mail or even phone. We got to phone once a week and only got to talk for 3 minutes. But, my Mom felt that home was with her husband and my sister and I. We made new friends and made up our minds to love Connecticut. Two year after we moved, my Grandfather died. The next year my Aunt and Uncle and cousins moved to California and my Uncle moved to Florida. So, even if we had moved back it would not have been the same. Try to make living in California a learning experience and support your husbands work. If you really love him then your home is where he is and your children. good luck

Answer 7

If your husband travels a lot with his job then I don't see why it is so important that you live where you are at now.  Does he have to be based on the west coast for his job?  Family ties with parents and grandparents are important to me and I think they are a priority for you also.  Perhaps your husband doesn't feel the same way.  You two need to have a serious discussion.  If you have given yourself a reasonable adjustment time and still feel miserable then I think it is time for you all to move back closer to your extended family.

Answer 8

You and your husband need to have a serious talk. I totally understand how you feel about being away from your relatives. My mom is my best friend and I make sure to at least see her every other day and we talk about 2-3 times a day. It's not fair to you to have to miss you relatives but then again it's not fair to your husband because you married him and you are supposed to be there for him and support him. I don't agree with your husband saying that your extended family isn't important after you have a husband and kids because they are still your family and have been there for you since the day you were born. I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer but try talking to him. I totally understand how you feel and I am very sorry that you are miserable.  

Answer 9

ur husband is mean and selfish in my opinion, ur justified 2 get close to ua family irrespecive off his opinion because the many times he is supposed to be there for u, he isn't. Get urself contented not just satisfied

Answer 10

I'm a wife in the military and it's hard being away from home AND alone most of the time....yet you'll really just have to put on your big girl panties and SUCK IT UP...not trying to be callous but you need to think what's best for the family you live with, not that your fam. at home isn't important. just take time to spend that extra ten minutes on the phone or that trip every year to see them

Answer 11

you dont really have to move, on the times when he is gone why dont you just go visit. and he is kindof right in a sense, you have to focus on your immediate family for the time being, since you still have children.

its not really all that childish but you have to look at the big picture, why would you want your family to suffer harder times and less money?  just so you can see your family every so often. think of the welfare of your kids and household, not just your emotions.

you can change being miserable by getting involved with things in your new town and meeting people.

wallowing about missing family that youve had around all your life will not help you.

Answer 12

I somehow understand your dilemma. I guess you should think what is best for your kids. Being away from family is tough, but you have one of your own now. Try to speak to you husband about it and find an in between solution.

Answer 13

No, you aren't acting like a child.

Answer 14

No not at all.  Family is important and you should be able to see them more often, esepcially since he is away most of the time.  The kids happiness as well as yours should be whats important.  Why cant you live closer to your folks? He can still do his traveling from there?

Answer 15

i really feel for you . communication and mutual agreement are key parts for me to any relationship.

his reply is kinda harsh and maybe the question in the end will be more like--  has he thought about what's important for him ? (IE keeping you and a happy relationship going)

I wonder if the problem isn't so much that you are far away from your family but more that he is usually far away from you, and being left alone to look after the kids is going to be tuff on anyone.

leaving him should be the absolute last resort in my option .

I do wonder how long you have been living were you currently are if its a short time i would suggest trying to make some local friends maybe from your children's school etc just having someone to chat to 1 to 1 can help loads .. yeah i know easier said than done but really it just takes a little time to get to know people and friendships form.

if you have been there a while then best thing would be try and convince your husband how important quality of life is over pay packets and that you really aren't happy .. try to stay off the subject of "cant take no more" as this rather than get him on your side may push him away.. (for now anyway) .. offer thought-out statements about how you feel etc ..

if you really need to move back to your parents and have him with you then head for that but dont start the ball rolling without knowing that this will take sometime ..  convince husband .. look for another job nearer parents .. new house .. new schools etc etc ...

you could even start looking for jobs that may suit him closer to your parents .. if you found somthing with better pay / or conditions maybe he will jump at the chance to move aswell .. cant be easy for him having to travel so much also remember

Answer 16

I don't think you are being a child because you miss what you are content with. I think you husband is being very stubborn with that comment he made saying that the rest of you family does not matter anymore. Clearly the two of you are at different places in your lives, and some strong conflicting arguments need to be resolved. If you are honestly thinking about moving without him (understandable) perhaps you and him need to have a serious sit down, take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship..not saying that the marriage is bad, but that BOTH of you DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!! I think you need to figure out a few options for this distance thing to work...I think both of you need to think alot! You are being greatful having moved with him for his career, but now it's his turn to show he cares for you and your happiness as well. good luck.

Answer 17

no youre not.

Answer 18

First off, feelings aren't wrong.  You feel that way and that's that.  But, there are things you can do to lessen the pain of being miserable.  In today's age, distance isn't as much of a problem as it once was.  Web cams, email, IRC, etc. can fill a void.  Do it with the kids so they can "visit" the family too.

More times than not, it's the idea that distance is the problem than distance actually being the problem.  Shorten it by using these shortcuts before you make a hasty decision.

Answer 19

Tell your husband! I think you should move- or try to get your family to move at least a little closer to you. Talk to them on the phone and visit them while your husband is away and during vacations.

Answer 20

I don't think you are being childish, it is hard to move that far away from the people you love and especially moving where you have no one and your husband is gone a lot. I would have a heart to heart talk with him and see what can be resolved.

Answer 21

Your last words say much. You are miserable. Marriage is not perfect but if you are miserable move girl.  

Answer 22

It's one thing to miss them.  It's another to disregard your own children in order to go see your parents.  Why don't you try to find friends in your new town to occupy yourself with?  Spend time with your kids.

Answer 23

No you aren't acting childish but you should try to make some friends.