Am I being selfish?

Question

I have my first prenatal class scheduled on Tuesday night at 6:30pm. My husband and I also have counselling scheduled the same night at 5:30pm. He just informed me that I need to cancel the counselling appointment and that I need to stay home with my daughter on Tuesday. Why?

Because he "has a show to go to". Yes, I have to cancel the one thing that is keeping us from fighting all the time, and I need to cancel a class that's beneficial to the health of both myself and our unborn child, so he can go see a bunch of guys with long hair bang their heads to noise.

I do not have a babysitter. The only possible babysitter is my MIL, but she has church that night and I know she will not skip that. I also do not want to have my daughter out that late. I know the prenatal classes do not offer child care, nor can I bring my daughter with me. Her bedtime is around 9pm, even taking a cab, that is approximately when I'd get home.

Am I the one being selfish or is he?

Answer 1

Perhaps MIL could take her granddaughter to church with her. The people there will "ooooh" and "ahhhh" over her. Get your husband to talk his mother into it (unless you think you have a better chance at it).

Or take the daughter to the prenatal class (depending how old she is). She might like to "help mommy" so to speak (if it's one of those couple things you know, just use her as a replacement for husband).

I could see problems on both sides. Bring this up in therapy next time. Perhaps a compromise can be made, he gets to see X shows a year, and has to be the one responsible for childcare arrangements (in advance, so you also have a night out whenever he does).

It sounds like there's a lot of issues going on in your marriage. Communication and respect for one another being key ones. Not that I'm a therapist or anything. It just seems like you don't feel like you're a priority in his life, and it's hard to address/fix that on your own without outside help.

I say, compromise this time (get him to help with child arrangements), and address this in therapy. Make changes that will make this not an issue in the future.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Reschedule he appt asap and tell him since he is the one leaving that he has the responsibility to set up the babysitter and pay for it before he leaves so you can attend the class. It sounds like the counciling is a must especially if a second child is on the way.

Answer 3

Call and see if you can reschedule your counseling appointment for when he will be home. Or ask if you can have a phone consultation.  Ask friends if they can babysit or if they can refer you to a babysitter for the prenatal class.  If not, call the instructor and tell them you will be missing the first class but you would like to know if they can send or email you the info.  Tell your hubby to go to the show and to enjoy his time alone.  Tell him that you hope he will go with you to the counseling appointment that you rescheduled and give him the date of the next prenatal class.  Then at your next counseling appointment, you might want to discuss whether or not this marriage is important to your hubby.

Answer 4

I can see how both of you are being selfish. I think you should just let him go this one time and let him know it's not going to happen again. He's spent a lot of money 2 months ago, missing one counseling session and 1prenatal class will be ok.

Answer 5

First of all, it seems like you two haven't been in counseling very long.  It also seems like your both being selfish in a way, but he needs to learn to give a little.  Giving meaning saving the money he's blowing on shows and saving it for the baby.   Giving meaning finding a sitter and attending the classes WITH you.

The money is already spent, let him go this time, it will help save a fight.  But let him know from now on the children and you need to come first, after all you are carrying his child and his family should be his first priority.

Answer 6

i agree that he is being selfish,but do you really want to turn it into a huge battle..it's really not worth it....on top of that, it might be good to let him do something fun beforethe baby gets here...that goes for you too....next time he's gonna be home go have a girl's night...good luck

Answer 7

I would tell him that it is fine that he goes.  You are going to go to your prenatal class and he will have to find a babysitter for your daughter.  The problem is, he is placing on the parenting on you.  You should also go to the counseling even if he doesn't.  It may be marriage counseling, but you need to get some of this off of your chest.