Am I raising a slacker?

Question

My son is 5, and we have never really given him an allowance, or the responsibility of paying for anything himself, in an effort to lessen the chances of him becoming too materialistic. And it works, he knows that things in the store are "cool," but will remark that, "we don't need them, right?"

My friend has given her daughter 1 dollar per week since she could speak, and then each week gives her the oppourtunity to spend it. She thinks that she is teaching her daughter how to make choices, and she has nicely implied that my son may come to "lack ambition."

What do you think?

Answer 1

I don't see why a toddler (your friend's daughter) would need a dollar a week - especially because she's done nothing to earn it.

Your son seems to have the right idea about things. While your friend's daughter is learning the value of a dollar in terms of what things cost, she's learning that she's somehow entitled to this dollar. If you decide to give your son an allowance, it''s probably best to have him earn it. I don't think your approach will lead to your son being a slacker at all! I think he'll learn not to be wasteful, which is very productive!

Answer 2

I think you are doing things your own way and vice versa.

Answer 3

I think your friend started just a mite early, and she's giving her daughter the opportunity to spend her money far too often.

Your son should make decisions about how to spend money, certainly, or he will never learn how to save, spend and save up for a certain item.  I send my son to the ice cream department.  I show him the different options that are there, and what's on sale.  Then I give him $5 and say, I know you want fudge bars, but if you buy fudge bars, you can't get popsicles too.  He'll say, that's okay Mom, I'll get this brand of fudge bars and this brand of popsicles because they're cheaper.  Then I can get both for $5.

Lack ambition?  What that's supposed to mean?  Her daughter's going to get hooked on spending her saving money once every week on whatever materialistic thing she happens by.  That's a great lesson in finances (NOT!).

TX Mom

Answer 4

-Never mind what your friend "implies" or whatever. But it IS True- that giving a Child an Allowance, teaches her or him- the VALUE of that money- against what it can buy. Giving a child "Control" over money- is teaching them it's Influence & THEIR Responsiblity towards managing it. It's a GOOD thing to learn at a young age...-& will teach Him to "think twice" as he gets older, as to what He might ask YOU for, when it comes to buying something Expensive!  :)

Answer 5

nope you both are doing it your own way.  You have to do what works with your child.  My sister will buy her son things no matter how bad he is and he doesn't have to earn it that do me is raising a slacker and a troublemaker.  But when you don't allow children to become materialistic they learn about the more important things in life and still learn about money value.  If you give allowance then you teach about work ethic if you are having them do chores to earn that money then give them a choice of either spending it or saving it and they learn the value of money and that the choices we make affect our future.  All of these teach important lessons in life

Answer 6

A five year old doesn't need an allowance. I give my daughter (8) an allowance, but I would think that kids don't really need an allowance until they are in their pre-teens and in need of cash to do thinks (i.e. movies, swimming) with their pals. Having their own money at this stage would give them a sense of freedom and independance. At 5, you might want to occasionally give hime a bit of spending $$, just to learn what its like to buy stuff, and to introduce the concept of money, but no, he doesn't need an allowance. Your friend needs to mind her own business and worry about her own kid.

Answer 7

There is no need to give them money unless they ask for it. Giving your son money will just encourage him to spend any money hehas - not a good life lesson. If he asks for a toy that you don't think he needs simply say 'I don't think you need that - do you?' or something. This seems unlikely as your child seems to have the right idea.

Answer 8

But there's one thing missing in your equation...

the responsibility that goes with "earning" an allowance, along with the education of spending hard earned money wisely...

this is what you should be teaching him and not how to exist in this world without self-earned financial stability.

Granted he is only five years old but, your son is growing up to depend on you for sustenance and if it continues on it's present course he will not be able to assume reponsibility for his own welfare once he is on his own...he will, for all intents and purposes, be a "mama's-boy".

When a child asks a question, and ends it with "....right?" he is in fact looking for you to disagree with him and reinforce his true feelings...instead he thinks he is telling you what you want to hear.  The mistake you're making is your belief that he is not a materialist as you are hoping.  As a result, he is missing that part of childhood and growing up that allows him to be playful and have fun.

"Mommy, I really don't need that toy truck, right?"

He really wants that toy truck and is asking your approval that it's ok for him to have it.

I may not agree with your tactics and it's my belief that you are laying a foundation that will only have negative consequences as your child grows into adulthood.

Answer 9

No- I don't think so.

I never received an allowance and I certainly don't lack ambition (now doing my doctorate!).

However, I think having a part-time job from when I was 15 really helped me to learn about financial management and 'saving up' for something special. It also taught me about hard work, which I think is more important than just being handed an allowance for not doing anything.

I guess what I'm saying is that allowances should be given when a child works for it by completing their homework or doing chores (but also giving them some cash for things like going to the movies with friends, etc. which is really important for kids as they get older). I think 5 is too young for that.

Answer 10

I think 5 is too young.  The toddler is way too young except that you could make the argument that she's learning what dollar bills and change look like.   No way is your son going to grow up to be a slacker because he didn't have an allowance when he was 3!

We started our daughter on an allowance when she was seven, but she earns it by completing her figure skating homework.  It's really for show because she loves skating and it's not really a chore to her, but I wanted to link it with her hard (hard!) work.  She skates 3 times a week and does off-ice classes on two other days!