...And My Response Should Be?

Question

It has been an interesting--long--fun--sad--up--down Five Years since we adopted Makayla (not her correct name--the one I use for writing).

Long-Story Short with her nothing is ever the same. She has Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) otherwise known as brain-damage. Mainly she doesn't Process the same--or the same on different days. She has little or no Short-Term Memory and now that we have learned how to give her time things go well at home.

She seems to be doing well with the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and our life is on total survalience for the behaviors she learned because she was sexually abused. She has had a million diagnosis--hospitals--day treatment--residential treatment--home school--and finally public school with an IEP.

This week she is starting YET another special program. Day Treatment, it can go all the way through High School. It is bitter-sweet. She needs it...

We went shopping for clothes and we were talking and:

Continued:

Answer 1

No need to thank me honey, any mom would be lucky to have YOU as a daughter.   I love you for exactly who you are!

Yeah, I'm not the quickest thinker on the spot.  Harder when you're right there in the moment.

(((((hugs)))))

Answer 2

When I was little and said I felt glad to be adopted, my a'parents said they were the happy and lucky ones to have me in their family.

And that helped clarify things for me.  Am I glad I was adopted?  Not really--and that's OK.  Am I glad I ended up in my adoptive family?  Yes, I am--that's OK too.

Answer 3

Sweetie, it's so wonderful to hear you say you are happy being my lovely daughter. You have just made my day!

Answer 4

Tell her how special those words were for you to hear and return the compliment with you loving that she is your daughter.  That is really sweet!

Answer 5

i'm really touching of what u've done to her,u r a great mom indeed,no doubt she is adopted but u treat her like ur own daughter.v all need this type of kindness n love in this society.

Answer 6

how lovely, just tell her that you love her and she means the world to you.

Answer 7

My gut reaction, which is probably totally wrong, would be, "Well, thank you!  But you know, you don't have to thank me.  Besides, I'm the one who should be thanking YOU for being your precious self.  I love you!"

Answer 8

You say "thank you for being my baby and making me the happiest mom on the earth."

Answer 9

I'm adopted at 15 I left the home at 13  I had allot of the same things happen to me and I'm one and a million that will find a great family.  I think your an Angel for taking on this child and I hope that you know that god gave her to you and he wanted you to have her to show her what love really is

Answer 10

Anna, awww, how sweet! It sounds as if your answers were perfect (the last parts that you added). And all the answers you have gotten as well. And you can keep telling her -- especially with RAD issues, it can't hurt to honestly tell her you appreciate being her mom.

I think this might be a real breakthrough for her. Not that she should be grateful, of course, but she does need to be attached to you, and this is a great sign that your attachment to each other is getting stronger. It might also be an emotional age thing. My daughter at 4 says things like "thank you for being my mommy." And I don't think it is an adoption thing, as I have heard others at her age say the same -- it is just the sweetness of the age. And your daughter may in some emotional ways be right in this same place --which is wonderful for you both!

Sounds like you are continuing to do a great job, Anna! Sounds like the school is a good choice and she knows it!

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Andrea

ETA:

Ah, seeing the latest answer clarifies why perhaps I got negative thumbs. I do see that it might be problematic to put so much personal information out about a child. And maybe as parents we should not need validation, since as you say Anna said pretty much the right things. But we DO need validation sometimes, as parents. And reassurance also. And I don't really see what is wrong with asking for it. Or with getting a pat on the back once in awhile. Being a parent is hard work. Sometimes (most of the time?) we aren't sure if we are doing a decent job. And adoptive parenting, especially of a child with RAD is pretty much uncharted territory. It DOES take a village to raise a child, and then internet has become part of our village for some of us.

Answer 11

i would just give her a big hug.... everytime my sister tells me how much better her life has been since i went to court to keep her i just wanna give her a big hug and cry....

Answer 12

I can only say that having a son with autism, I can relate to the challenges of being a "special parent".  {{{hugs**}}}  to you for choosing that path. I was 'chosen'.  God had a greater faith in me than I had in myself, apparently. He also thought there's a thing or two I could learn about patience.  My son has been a perfect lesson! LOL

When people make a similar comment to me (that my son is lucky to have a loving mom or family), I just tell them that I am/we are the lucky one(s)!  And I am!!  I get more love from this boy. He makes up for all the love I may have missed in my childhood!  

It's great that your daughter is so happy with you (your family).  It'd kinda be nice to hear my own daughter say "thanks, mom".  What parent doesn't want to hear that?  LOL

You've already received many good answers. My favorite is just to let her know that you feel lucky too!

Bless you & your family!