Anger management....

Question

I wished it hadn't happened but there is no denying I am just like my mother.

We are the kind of people that won't express anger (or much of any emotion) out in public but then come home and lash out (MOSTLY verbally) at our family members/pets.

The thing is now that I have a 2 year old of my own I don't want her to have the same childhood that I had where a lot of what I remember is my mom yelling and overreacting.

Between her and school and work I just get stressed out and I can't very well go to school or work and start going off on people not if I want to continue going there and I do all that so that way I can provide for my child because I love her to death but at the same time when I have problems at those places I feel like I take it out on her.

Everytime after I get mad and overreact or blowup I feel really bad and think I need to find some help to manage myself better but then the more I think about it I convince myself I am being stupid and I am just fine.

Am I being stupid? Would anger management/counseling actually do any good? If so, where can I find something locally?

(P.S. I am 19-I don't use any drugs or alcohol)

Answer 1

As a counselor, I have experience in working on anger management.  I have worked with groups and individuals and can say that it would do you some good.  Managing your anger comes down to you - you being in control of you.  It is understandable that you would be stressed and it is ok and natural to get stressed or overwhelmed, but it is not ok to take it out on anybody.  Managing anger requires that you take responsibility for how you cope with situations and your feelings.  It means finding alternate, healthy ways to cope with your feelings and deal with the problems causing the anger.  It is good that you are aware there is a problem and are concerned about the effect on your child.  You are your child's role model, so you have to set the example.  Find other ways to vent - journal, exercise, listen to music, talk to someone, etc.  Resolve issues and problems that keep coming up so that they don't keep coming up.  Focus on what you have control of and do something about it.  Use positive self-talk to help you be calm and deal with situations and appreciate the efforts you make.  Believe that you can do this and make the effort and do it, no matter how hard it gets.  It is possible and you can do it.  If you have insurance, contact them about a list of providers that work on this or look through your phone book to find counselors/therapists/agencies that might be of help.  I wish you  well.

Answer 2

This is a lesson you may need years to figure out.  As reading your post I felt of course you have these problems because you say you have these problems.  Why wouldn't you have them?  You identify with these things, they are who you think you are.  Stop today and choose that you are not that person.  You are very young and this is not an easy thing to do, it will take time.  Seek a therapist and tell the therapist you want to be....and fill in the blank.  Choose who you want to be and then become that person.  Right now you are choosing to be like your mom and having temper issues.  The power is within your mind and you can change the thoughts.  Try meditation everyday.  Go to youtube and type in healind meditations and watch one each day.  Live the life you want not the life you are giving to yourself.  Sounds as though you want to change. So then you can.  Start now, go to the mirror and look into your eyes and say, "I am not my mom, I love you and I know I can be whatever I choose to be.  I am at peace with my life and I am making the choice to be calm and peaceful with my family.  I except the journey of this challenge to be who I know I want to be."  Breath deeper as well.  Take deep breaths into your inner self and try to visualize yourself as you want to be.

Answer 3

My goodness!!! You have a lot on your plate  with school and a little one . I commend you for reaching out for help. Yes Anger management classes will help.You will also realize that you are not alone. Look in the phone book or ask at school for a good class.I don't like pointing out the negitives but daughter will learn from you...just like you learned from your mom. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Your not being stupid lots of people have this exact issue. Whenever you start to get angry I would suggest removing yourself from the situation and just sitting down to relax. It might sound silly but while your sitting there think of how you want your 2 year old to turn out and how important her future is to you. You can also use this tactic when you feel you can't calm down.

Answer 5

Hiya. Depends on where you are as to what is available, but I bet just some general counseling will help you figure out what it is that gets you to the point of lashing out.

This might help too:

http://www.defoore.com/angermanagement.h...

If you scroll down, there is an assessment that you can test yourself on for how would deal with certain situations.

I'm sure you can find a counselor for this, as anger management is a common problem. However, the reasons for why you get so angry might not be fun to face, but I think it will help with dealing with what life throws at you.

Good luck! :)

Answer 6

Here is what I did.  No yelling no cussing keep a peaceful feel with you.  What ever happens you can count on things changing like when I am frustrated or depressed I remember these feelings will pass I won't feel this way forever.  Insist that everyone in the house is to keep their voice down or you won't answer them.  Hope this helps !

Answer 7

Yes we tend to handle ourselves the way we were raised. Not just you but almost everyone. The difference between you and your mom is that you're realizing you have a problem and a considering counseling. That is a HUGH step in the right direction-good for you.

Yes anger management counseling is very helpful and can teach you new ways to openly deal with your feelings.

We tend to be like a pressure cooker, when we keep all our feelings locked in side and the heat of life is turned up and we have no where to go with it-we blow up and you're right its usually at home.

We do it to the people we love the most, because they won't fire us or hit us (usually) and they always forgive us. Especially are children and our pets.

If you don't get help your daughter will be asking this same question in 15-16 years. If you love her get help now. Good Luck