Any Navy guys out there?

Question

My boyfriend is the nicest guy when he's not drinking. He is Navy and has a very important position. He says he loves me but he becomes very mean when he ges alcohol in his system. He tends to take everything out on me and tells me it's because he needs to make sure I am strong enough to deal with his lifestyle. Lifestyle meaning his position. Usually, the next day after having voiced his opinion about what he thinks of me, he treats me like a queen and admits that he does it to make me stronger. I'm having a hard time dealing with the part where he thinks he has to talk to me like I'm one of his soldiers. What do you think I should do? I love him. I'd do anything for him and he does have a very stressful job. I want to be there to help him with that stress.

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. And he needs to get into an alcoholic rehabilitation program to save his health and his career. The stress and all the other excuses he uses to justify his drinking are just part of the manipulations that alcoholics engage in when challenged about their drinking. If he continues to drink and the booze builds up in his system he may wind up with a condition called Korsakoff's Psychosis. It's where the booze has ruined so much brain tissue that he will wind up saying he doesn't drink, even while holding the drink in his hand. And don't think that happens only to old guys. I had a 24-year old sailor in one of my units with Korsakoff's. Fortunately he got into rehab and it saved his life and his career.

If he starts his manipulating "tap dance" when you tell him to get to rehab, walk out the door and leave him. Don't threaten it. Do it. It might shake him up enough to take the "cure".  

Answer 2

dump his sorry ***.   anyone who LOVES you would not feel it necessary to belittle you under ANY pretext.  

Answer 3

I kinda sense some psychical abuse in what you wrote. He may have a real problem when it comes to drinking. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 36 years and i never tried to make the one i love stronger to deal with my lifestyle? I think not. You need to re-evaluate your boyfriend or better yet find a new one.

Answer 4

Listen to the DOC. aka desertviking.

He hit the nail on the head.

People that drink to the point where they don't remember and their personality changes have a serious drinking problem and need to go to rehab before it ends his career and his marriage.

This problem won't fix itself. Confront him and if he refuses treatment get away before things get really ugly.

Answer 5

I'm Navy. Military guys usually tend to drink heavy. If you haven't told him you don't like being treated like garbage, tell him. If you wanted to be treated like a soldier/sailor you would of joined right? If he can't respect that than I'd leave.

Answer 6

Talk to him about the way he acts. Definitely try to get him some AA classes if he's up for it, but don't push it cause it just might p**s him off more. Like the first person said, if he can't respect you wanting to be treated like his love and not a soldier, then ditch him.

Answer 7

Being drunk is no reason to have a foul mouth! You can be drunk and carry yourself with some dignity. ASK HIM IF HE WOULD TREAT HIS MOTHER OR SISTER LIKE THAT.

Answer 8

Sounds like a but head.

Wanting to make you 'strong'? He is an idiot.

Tell his Command Master Chief [CMC] everything that you said here, and then dump him.

You are better then that.

Answer 9

If my Navy husband treated me like that, he'd be a husband no more. What job does your DB have?!? My DH was a nuke and that was pressure in itself! Thankfully he has a different Navy job now...

Basically, have you and your DB been through couple's counseling?! When you say that your DB does that to make you stronger, that sounds at bit controlling, IMO! If you don't battle this issue now, it's only going to get worse!

HUGS!!!

Answer 10

First of all, he doesn't have "soldiers" under him, he has sailors!  Having said that, it sounds like he's using his position as a crutch/excuse to be an a*****e.

Answer 11

tell him to shove it up his butt!...  believe me, he will stop.

Answer 12

It is wrong of your boyfriend to treat you like the sailors that are beneath him in rank and his reasoning behind it is flawed. It's unacceptable to say that he does this to make you stronger. This is not how relationships between a man and a woman work--this is how relationships between recruits and their drill sergeants work. Tell him this and let him know how you feel. It isn't wrong to give him an ultamatum. It's either you or his drinking habit. By saying "He does have a very stressful job" it sounds as if you are sticking up for his actions. Don't enable him to behave this way. It is going to cause further stress in your life and his life. Be there for him by getting both of you help. Start by telling him what's up.