Any jokes to tell ?

Question

Need a laugh, thanks :)

Answer 1

the cookie dough man has found the secret ring. So he runs to the ice cream factory and falls into the batter. The worker there says" Well that really cooked my dough!"hahahahah

Answer 2

Who makes more $$$, a hooker or a drug dealer????

A hooker cuz she can wash her crack and use it again...........

Answer 3

Why should you never marry a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them

Answer 4

a man is walking around northern ireland during the troubles a guy pulls him into an alley and puts a gun to his head and says are you catholic or protestant the man thinks quickly and says neither i'am jewish the guy with the gun says i must be the luckiest arab in belfast.

Answer 5

what did the brown chicken say to the brown cow?

brownchickenbrowncow

(bow chicka wah wah)

ha, that makes me laugh :D

Answer 6

A woman goes to the dentist and is shown into the surgery.

She immediately sits in the dentist's chair upside-down with her legs

in the air.

The dentist says 'Sorry Madam, but I'm a dentist not a gynaecologist'.

'I know', she replies,'but I want you to take my husband's teeth out'.

Answer 7

How do you confuse a blonde?

You tell her to pee in a corner of a round house!

How does she confuse you?

SHE DOES IT!!!

Answer 8

A conversation between a  women and a man;Hello ! lady,how are you.LADY;Am good.

Man;hey girl,if your left legs was christmas and your right legs was easter ,could i visist you inbetween the holidays?

Answer 9

Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?

His wife left him

Answer 10

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not ' EASY ' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ' BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not ' GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ***' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

Answer 11

ok so a man walks into a bar and he gets a few drinks and  and he bets the bartender 50bucks  that he can l**k his rite eye and the bartender thinks hes intoxicated so he takes the bet. then the guy pulls out a fake eye and licks it. then the bartenders all mad and ticked off and givs him the money. then he gets a few more drinks and he bets the bartender 50bucks that he can bite his left eye so the bartender thinks both eyes cant b fake so he takes the bet andc the guy pulls out a pair of denutures and bites his left eye. and the bartender is all ticked off and givs the guy 50bucks. then the guy has a few moire drinks and he bets the bartender that he can pee every drop he has into the shotglass  even though the bartender is spinning him around as hard as he can on the stool for 500bucks.  so he knos its impossible so p**s goes flying everywer  in peoples drinks all over the bartender all over the bar. and the bartender gets 500 bucks and hes all happy dancing  and he notices a guy in the corner all ticked off and mad and says dude wats ur problem? and the guy replied " that guy just bet me 10000bucks he could p**s all over u and ur bar and ud b happy

Answer 12

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I've come here as soon as I can. What the matter?

Doctor: I have bad new and worse new.

Patient: Well what it is?

Doctor: The test result just came back, it show that you only have 24 hours left to live.

Patient: My God, what can possibly worse then that?

Doctor: We've tried to contact you 23 hours ago.

Answer 13

Multitasking  





Question raised in a gender linked philosophy class

"If women are so good at multitasking, how come they cannot have a

headache and s*x at the same time?"

Answer 14

why did the blonde stop making ice cubes??

she lost the recipe!