Are people against raising children if...?

Question

A previous question today made reference to teen parents. A number of the responders were young parents who successfully raised or were raising their children. They even made mention that they were not receiving welfare, since the question made reference to welfare. I posted about my grandmother who successfully raised my mother, whom she bore at 14.

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AokBysHWNP5CU86TIAbcZPDh5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080307112710AAEQ0p3&show=7#profile-info-0FvY3ciGaa

So, here's my question:

Why would anyone thumb down people successfully parenting their own children? Is our society so anti-family that we find it disdainful when people properly and successfully do what nature designed us to do and raise their children, simply because the parent doesn't fit into someone's idea of what a parent is "allowed" to be?

Answer 1

i wrote the question, good for them, but it is still stupid to be talking girls into having babies.  you are living in some kind of dream world to say let's all talk kids into having kids.

Answer 2

I don't judge teen parents.  But they give up those important years of freedom in young adulthood which they could use for education or to pursue other opportunities before they settle down.  Those years don't come back before retirement, if ever.  (And in retirement, you usually can't go off somewhere and s***w six times over a weekend!)

Answer 3

our society looks down on teen parenting because teens arent supposed to be having s*x. and because common sense says if you insist on being sexually active then there are plenty of birth control options out there.

Answer 4

When I see a young teenage mom, I mostly see mom's that are really trying. 99% are not partiers on welfare, they are people that may have found themselves in a bad situation but are trying to make the best of it, and love their child just as if they havd've been in their 20's or 30's

But, I do also see a lot of naivete, sometimes common sense isn't always so common. I'm a very firm believer in showing these moms by example, teaching them. And I believe everyone in society should have some responsibility to do the same. These woman are often still children themselves trying to raise children.

To often, I've seen people give them dirty looks, or call child protection when what they really need is someone just to show them how. Sometimes mothering doesnt just come automatically. It's time to stop judging & start helping

Answer 5

I don't read too much into the TU/TD. I don't recall the question and the link you provide shows it's been deleted.

Anyway I would never criticize or think badly of any young couple choosing to raise their own child. Perhaps because it made reference to welfare.......which I think is OK as long as the welfare is temporary and is being used as a "hand-up" to get on their feet.

Answer 6

OK. You should not have s*x before you get married but that does not mean if you do you should not be willing to raise your child. In fact raising the young one is the right thing to do. It is also responsable. BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO FEED, CLOTH, AND TAKE CARE OF THEM!

Answer 7

I agree with you 100%. You go girl! =]

Answer 8

Just because these people say they're successful doesn't mean they actually are.  Teenagers generally do a much worse job of being a parent than older people, and encouraging teenagers to be parents is bad for the children they'll have.

Answer 9

Who knows why thumbs down are given around here! Just like all the thumbs down given to those adoptees who come here and say they are happy, well adjusted and don't feel a sense of loss over their adoption, why are they given thumbs down for their experience?

Answer 10

You know, when your talking about the American society, there really is no ideal of what a "parent" is. Partyly because there are so many different cultures and attitudes parenting. In my opinion, successfully raising a child deserves a thumbs up, but there are probably some people out there that think its better to have children discover things on their own. I wouldnt take it to harshly, because sombody could have down thumbed it because they were just fooling around.

Answer 11

Why?

1) Jealousy

2) Want more babies to sell on the adoption market

Answer 12

Very good question! This makes me so mad because my sister was a teen mother & she did a wonderful job of parenting. It's ridiculous the horrible things people say about teen mothers. I don't know if I should, but I take great offense when I hear or read such comments because of my sister. I completely agree with you.

Edit: And it also pisses me off when people ASSUME that got pregnant because they didn't use birth control! Those people must not be very educated about birth control because any form of birth control is not 100% effective. My sister used two types of contraceptives when she got pregnant with her first & was on birth control when she got pregnant with her second. People seem to be extremely close-minded about it & think that it happens in one specific way.

Edit: Hmmm...look at that...a thumbs down! You must be right about society being anti-family...apparently it's a bad thing my sister successfully raised her child as a young mother.

Ebmid2: Younger people do not generally do a worse job of parenting than older people & encouraging young mothers to raise their children is not bad for the child. My sister did a better job than plenty of older people do & it was in no way bad for my nephew.

Answer 13

There are very few things harder than being a teen parent.  There is so much pressure to be a good mom no matter what your age.   If I had any advice for a mother who got thumbs down when she is raising her own kids successfully it would be.  The only thing that matters is how you raise your kids, if you are doing your best, and meeting all your kiddos needs, who cares what anyone else has to say.  I am not a teen anymore but I was once.  I had a kiddo at a young age, but I love my kids as much as the next person, and I worked my butt off to be a good mom, and regardless what anyone thinks I am!  I don't recommend having kids at a young age though, not because you can't be a good mom but because you haven't had the chance to be the best you!

2 more things.... one its not bad for your kids if you are young when you have them.  EVEN the most successful people in the world have a young parent somewhere in there gene line.  And the other, YOU can go to school as a young parent in fact they make all kinds of grants to make it possible no matter your income, there is no reason having a kiddo should stop you from meeting and exceeding your life dreams if anything it just gives you a new one!

Answer 14

This is the real reason women are still feeling forced to relinquish their children.

I refuse to tell my story over and over, there isn't any point, but I think some of the answers here show exactly why it was so easy for them to coerce my son out of my arms.

Answer 15

Wow Really ?

I would take a guess  that some people just to like to make others feel small.

I mean WHY Would they want to encourage mothers keeping their babies ? then it reduces how many are available on the shelf now doesn't it

*snark*  (have no idea what this means but it sounds appropriate for what i mean :P )

Answer 16

I know I'm going to get shot down for this, but until I came to this section, this topic was a tough one for me.  Now, I understand that the connection between mother and child is more important.  But I have reasons behind my "old" belief that teenage motherhood isn't a good thing.  I DO believe there are many successful teenage mothers.  I count many of them as my closest friends.  However, I also know people for whom it's a very bad thing.  My sister for instance.  We grew up in a very abusive home.  My sister had her first (of four) children at the age of 16.  She carried on the family tradition of abuse to her own children.  She didn't have enough life experience yet to know how to break the cycle.  Her children are all alive and ok, after 17 years, but they were abused.  I can't say that they would have had a better life in foster care or being adopted...kids love their mom's no matter what (I did, and my mom was psycho abusive), so which would be worse - the separation from their mother, or the abusive childhood they endured with her?  And who am I to say that anyway?

Answer 17

There's nothing wrong with teen parents who are good parents......but, let's face it--there are a lot of them who aren't.

Answer 18

I was a teen parent, with my bio-son.  I married his father and we've been together ever since.  Being a teen mom is so much more than just having money.  It's about choosing to be a PARENT, that means growing up and putting away childish things.  It's a sacrifice.  As young parents, we missed out on so much of the "fun" stuff of being young.  But that's because we chose to parent, instead of just "keep the baby."  There's a huge difference between these two concepts.  

If a teen or teen couple is emotionally ready to become parents, then more power to them.  The money aspect should be temporary and I don't hold anything against young families needing govt assistance while they go to college, get vocational training, etc.  It's more about the young people in question being able to grow up and be parents.

Edit: I have no regrets about being a teen parent.  I love all of my children and my firstborn and I share a very close bond.  Naturally, now that he is a teen, we are having some serious talks!

Answer 19

I agree. But just as there are teen parents who aren't good parents, there are also older women who don't do such a good job either.

Answer 20

I seriously can't understand why people think that teens can't make good parents.  I have worked maternity for sixteen years and have seen parents of all ages.  I cannot think of one teen mother that I thought, "uh oh, she's not going to make a good mother."  I will tell you what I have observed from my own personal experience as an RN in maternity.  

The teen moms get on with parenting.  They are very instinctive in mothering.  They don't ask a lot of questions, they just seem to get what they need to do with only a minimum of instruction.  They don't complain about too little sleep, or that their baby is crying.  They are flexible and adjust themselves to their baby's needs.

The moms in their late thirties/early forties are sometimes just fine, but more often they are a mess.  They don't seem  to adjust to the demands of a newborn easily, they seem set in their ways and aren't as flexible.  They become frustrated and upset easily with a crying baby.  They complain about sleepless nights and don't bounce back physically from delivery and too little sleep.  They seem to expect the baby to fit into their lives, instead of understanding that they will need to change their lives to fit the needs of their baby.  They demand to know exactly what they can expect from their newborn and get angry when things don't go according to their expectations.  They ask tons of questions, but don't really listen to the answers so I end up repeating myself over and over to them.  They often express panic at taking the newborn home..."What will we do?!"

Yes, I know this sounds harsh, and I will get a million thumbs down...but I don't care because that won't change that it's still the truth. I've been doing this for a long time, and have a lot of experience.   And, just in case you think I'm a 'nurse Ratched' or impatient with the older parents, I'm not.  I'm very patient, because I truly see them as somewhat handicapped...I honestly believe that their age is an obstacle to them.  They are past the optimum age to be having children...both physically and mentally.  

I believe there's a biological reason that teens get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and fertility dramatically drops off in the mid-thirties.  Younger women are better prepared physically and mentally to be mothers.  It's only because of our society's complexity and people wanting careers and to travel, etc. that has made putting off parenthood so common.  This phenomenon has moved the "normal" and "socially acceptable" maternal age to the late twenties and thirties.  This is not what nature intended.  Not so long ago teens were married and had children all the time.  A woman getting to her late twenties who wasn't married with children was an "old maid" and considered past prime.

Forty years ago, a pregnant woman over 28 was classified as ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE by her Obstetrician and considered at higher risk for complications.   I kid you not, that was considered OLD to be having children.

There is absolutely no reason that a teen mom cannot be a good mother, and I have seen proof with my own observations and experience as a professional that they ARE good mothers.  I'm sorry, I don't know if that really answered your question, but I've been really wanting to get that off my chest.

Answer 21

The Pleasure of Government control is a sick dilema which has existed from the beginning of time.  Even during the 1600's, the oppression against a particular type of people, (later identified as a class of people), there was a Royal control on what was permissive and what was not. But even in our "New Society", we have not learned why such control must exist. Especially since we are supposed to be a better  educated group of people. This discontent within the structure of our up bringing leads us to remember how the greatest strength of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. And it is perhaps through such understanding  that we might be able to figure out what the real reason is behind societies beliefs and ill directed actions. We must evaluate with the thoughts of Aristotle who always asked; Where is the story or informtion from?; Is it true or is it opinion?: Will this information effect my life in any way?.. This is what he figured would direct his thoughts and concerns in society. Maybe we should learn from our old teachers, even if they haven't been around for over a millenium of time...

Answer 22

I think that any parent deserves a pat on the back  for successfully raising their children. The biggest drawback, I feel to most teen parents is that they are happy to live off government benefits. And please notice I say most, not all. I have one niece who had children very young and was a horrible mother. But I actually think she would have been a bad mother at any age because she is so selfish. But I also have a nephew who fathered a child very young at 17. He got custody of the baby and never took help from the government, and raised a beautiful, sweet little girl. I think that people are to quick to judge.

Answer 23

I posted on that question too and wonder why people would thumb down me for saying I wish I had not been parented by teenagers... they never need welfare either but that didn't make my life any better...

I agree it is wonderful that many young parents are able to do well (I myself had two children by 21)  

The problem I have is that all too often these young parents do a great job with the Baby...one year old...two year old and then the job gets harder and there is a higher level of parenting demands made...

The Mistakes my parents made with me were not the mistakes made with my little brothers.... They were older and had better judgement then to send their 6 year old to the store for Smokes and a Coke from the clerk who was happy to do the favor and allow me to carry them home...

Also, I would much rather see a baby placed then a 4 year old in Foster Care... The mother of my adopted children "placed" her first of 6 children... The record indicate that she did feel pushed (thank god for that child) and when my daughter was born she held on just long enough to ruin her in unspeakable ways....

The other night my little girl and I were talking and she asked me to talk again about her siblings.... She asked about the older one and why he was gone before she was born and if he was gone why did the Let Her keep me?

I let my daughter know that Mommy A decided it was best that he was adopted and helped find his growing up family for him....

After a pause and thought she said, "He was lucky and mommy A was very nice to give him a chance to be okay"

Yep--young parents can do a fine job and I believe that there is no way to tell who will do a great job....

I WILL GET a lot of thumbs down for this but: I would bet that there is a percentage of mothers who place and felt pushed to do so--who had people around them who didn't want the child to end up in Foster Care.... Sometimes the people pushing a mother to place might actually see the writing on the wall....

I have a niece right now who is 24 and due in May.... she has no clue...none at all and never did.... she took $15,000 of student loans last year with no intention of graduating... she has sued her own father and lost....can't keep a job and doesn't get the fact that now she needs to be careful about the men she brings around... The father of her baby was a married man who had a relationship with her roomate a g*y man positive with HIV and she was there for just some more fun....

Should she really plan to be a mother?

She had thought about adoption but instead her mother will parent the baby....as my niece is just simply not able.

So, I say the proff is in the outcome and sadly we won't know for about 18 years if a teen mother did a good job.

By the way--Because I was the child of teenage parents I DID not cause problems or become a drop out or get pregnant when I was a teen--I was WAY too busy being the parent of my parents to have a typical childhood.

Answer 24

The teen parents themselves should be supported in raising their children. However it should be recognized that most teenagers are not prepared to be completely responsible for a human life. Children raised by teenage parents are clearly at a disadvantage in the world and pre-marital s*x should be recognized as the culprit.

Answer 25

what has age got to do with it? who's to say that a 17 year old raising a baby is going to do a worse job then a 25 year old? bad parenting has nothing to do with age. it has to do with the ability to handle it.. i'm 30 weeks pregnant im 17 trning 18 in a few months and so far i consider myself a better mother then some of the odler people i know who had kids. some of them drank smoked and did drugs while they were pregnant. i know plenty of other young moms who are doing a fantastic job and I've never seen such love as they have for there baby's.  when i frist found out i had adoption shoved down my throat from every angle... a few of my friends stopped talking to me because i was keeping it.

  and because this is the adoption section i'll add that i think adoption is a better idea for young girls who can't raise there children then abortion, and even better then the scary stories you hear about the young mothers who hide there pregnancy and then have them in bathroom stalls and dump them. if you can't handle the baby then give it to someone who really wants it and who will love it. but if you can handle it then go for it.