Are these good poems? be honest!?

Question

am 13 years old and have ALWAYS loved writing poetry i just wrote this one a couple days ago because of some stupid girls

Ugly, fat, beast, and to tall

You can call me those things but it wont make my world shatter and fall

Im comfortable with myself and don’t care what you think

Im fun and girly and love the color pink

I might not weigh as much as Nicole Richie or Kate Moss

If you don’t like me, well that’s your loss.

We might be related, we might look alike

But we are both fighting a different fight

We are two different people that fight all

The time. But the truth is I love him like

Lemon loves lime. He doesn’t understand

What I’m going through, I think we should

Walk in each others shoes. I don’t think he

Knows how much I love him, and how much

I would miss him if he was gone. I would do

Anything for him, except mow the lawn. I will

Always be the big bad sister but I love him no

Matter what and you better know that mister.

Answer 1

uhmmm? its alright.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 2

The drama thing... no. Starting eight lines or whatever with the same words does not work.

The last one was okay, it was a good start.

The first one kinda threw me... it didn't make sense. If some girls are calling you big and fat, but you say you don't weigh as much as NR and KM... do you mean together? Cuz neither of them weighs as much as a good rack of ribs.

The second one is free verse, I guess, and could probably be parsed a little better. I can appreciate the sentiment, but I felt like it read more like prose than poetry. Why does lemon love lime? What's up with the lawn thing? You have a few elements of the poem that just seem to poke out and not mean anything to me. It's stuff like that that you should be focusing on pulling together and turning into themes that enrich your poetry.

For instance.... what's two things that complement each other that have to do with mowing a lawn? A blade and some grass? Fertilizer and sunshine? Gas and a mower? Maybe you love him like the grass loves the sun... but you won't mow the lawn for him. It's up to you to determine what that even means, but if you reference that throughout your poem, you enrich it and draw out meaning... you develop the metaphor...

Luas

Answer 3

Sorry but it's not very good at all. You need to read some books on poetry and try again. I'm sure you will get better after you read some real poets poetry and when you get a little older.

Answer 4

i liked the part where you say 'your loss', that comes to show that you know you're better then those losers! good on u gal!

Answer 5

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 6

i really like u! thats right, be comfortable w/ urself, the first poem is okay, but i really like the drama thing, great potential i think

Answer 7

Hey good work! You keep on writing when those dumb broads get you down. That's one of the best things you can do. Not everything you write will be gold, but it's a great therapy, and a good way to channel rage and anger!

The poems actually have some pretty great timing, especially the second one.

Not like you should be honored, but I don't dole out poetry compliments very often. I find a lot of [amateur] poetry to be pretty terrible, but I think you're off to a very very strong start, especially on that second one ["We might be related, we might look alike..."].

A good poem recreates a feeling or a moment, like a photograph, and I think you're well on your way.

If you want to improve, I recommend reading a lot of poetry as well. I really like Tao Lin. It's funny, it's different, it breaks a lot of traditional poetry's rules. Billy Collins [the former official Poet Lauriate for the U.S.] is also very very good at creating pictures with words.

Keep it up, kid :)