Are traditional weddings pretty much sexist?

Question

First, we have the white dress -- traditionally seen as a symbol of virginity. Important for the woman, but not for the man, whose virginity (or lack thereof) is irrelevant and gets to remain his own business.

Now, some might say "It's a symbol of purity, rather than virginity, nowadays".... And yet women marrying for a second or third time are usually discouraged from wearing white... implying that the colour does, indeed, suggest something about sexual innocence, and that anyone who's been "around the block" would seem a little silly in it.

Next, we have the "giving away" of the bride, by her father. This honours the days when women were property. Belonging first to her father and then to her husband. Even if it is purely a formality for the ceremony these days, why would anyone want to re-enact a woman's former "property" status like this? Is it cute?

Why is it that these old symbols of oppression are still being treated like sweet traditions? Ideas?...

Answer 1

Does it really matter? So long as the Bride and Groom are happy with their wedding, then to h**l with everyone else.

Answer 2

dear aunt sall, just what the h**l are you on about ?

Answer 3

If it is sexist towards anyone it is the man. Because most women think of there wedding day as "there day" not both of theirs.

        Men tend to have little say in the matter(fitting way to begin a lifetime of enslavement..) and is usually just an ego boost for the female.

Answer 4

It's only offensive if you let it offend you.

Traditional aspects of weddings like the ones you have defined have been turned into something nom-sexists. The "giving away" of the daughter, while originally may have been sexist, is now symbolic for a woman "leaving" her parents and becoming one with her husband.

As I stated in your previous question, white wasn't originally meant as a symbol of purity. It later became that way for a period of time but that wasn't it's original intent. These days, white or any off white color is still just a popular choice for many women but as with any culture we are changing once again and white weddings are becoming less and less common.

It's all a matter of your preference.

Answer 5

eh, who cares? it is their special day and if they wanna hang from the rafters and do the hokey pokey-so be it. it doesn't hurt me.

EDIT: I'm all about analyzing stuff, but the truth is, even though some of these traditions were initially sexist i don't think this is a big feminist issue. you lead by example. if you don't want that sort of wedding, don't. i won't be having a traditional wedding, but i don't care what other women choose.

Answer 6

your right...weddings are FULL of symbols and a lot of them are sexist.

Missed one...OBEY in the wedding vows

However, in todays world...many women...changed their wedding to fit themselves.  You don't HAVE to have these symbols if you don't want to.

Personally...We wrote our own vows, my father gave us his blessing instead of giving me away....I did wear white(shrug oh well)

Answer 7

Wow, Aunt Sally, looks like you got a comprehensive drubbing so far!  Sorry.  As it happens, I agree with you.  The symbolism of weddings is profoundly sexist. Sure, as the other posters said, you can tinker with the tradition as much as you want, and many women LOVE the tradition, but that doesn't change the bedrock of it.  It also doesn't change the fact that those very elements you mentioned are still very much the norm.

Sounds like you touched a sensitive nerve, actually.... Maybe a lot of these people had conventional weddings themselves and don't like you criticising them....

Answer 8

Look here, it's really not that serious. You're reading way to much into it. If you don't want to have a traditional wedding that's fine. But I think I speak for many of us when I say we really don't give a d@m.

You do know that a way can go any way the Bride see's fit right? You don't have to wear a white dress anymore. You can wear what ever color you want.

Answer 9

Because they are harmless traditions: no one today still thinks that the father owns the daughter, or the women have to be virgins: it's all tradition. Most women love the wedding ceremonies.

Answer 10

If you want to wear something other then a white wedding dress, and walk down the aisle on your own, go right ahead...

Who's stopping you...

Answer 11

Each couple creates their own ceremonies and you don't have to include the white dress or the father giving the bride away.  There are now tons of ways to do a wedding.  The only thing that matters is the bride and groom...

Answer 12

While you may have a point of sorts with the white dress thing (most brides don't wear white - they wear eggshell or off white anyway), the father giving away the bride is not simply a reliving of chattle status. It is entrusting the daughter to the care of another man, formally allowing the proection and nurturing of the woman to pass to another.

Traditions are a way of holding onto or history, even if that history is unappetizing to some.

Answer 13

The way I see it is this: Weddings are a celebration. Celebration of the fact that two people are going to stick together (Ideally) forever. That's the basic reasoning before it. You can make it uber serious or you can make it light hearted and fun.

Sometimes I throw parties when I get a new video game. So I figure that when I get married I'll have to throw the biggest party of my life. (And if I get divorced, I'll simply have to outdue the last one! ; ) )

But yeah, symbolism. It's there. But the entire concept of marriage is sexually opressive in itself. Besides bowing to basic patriorachal themes, it adheres to the principle of man and woman joining together. Sucks for the g**s and the lesbains; they don't even get the opportunity to be one another's 'property' in a patriarchal ritual. They had to sit out.

As for why people still do it I'd say it's because it's hard to break away from tradition. The world puts an impression on a person to do this or that when they're young so that when they're older their whole world has gone 'that' way, and breaking away seems radical. Then, even if they did want to break away, they would also have to ace more pressure from their parents, relatives, and friends. ("You're not getting married at a church!?")

Answer 14

Most of the customs that we think of as 'traditional' today, are actually of fairly recent origin.

The 'White Wedding' only dates back to the 18th century, before that time it was usual for a bride to just wear her best dress to church, decorated with knots of ribbons, which would be pulled off in the general horseplay afterwards.

The 'giving away' of the bride by her father is also a comparatively recent tradition, again dating back only to the 18th century.  Before that time, weddings were seen primarily as an occasion for the bride and groom's peer group, it was a farewell to their bachelor existence and a start of their new life as married householders.  The usual custom, prior to the 18th century, was for the groom and his friends to go to the bride's house to fetch her away to the church.  The bride was supposed to put up a show of reluctance, she would often be barricaded into the house with her friends, and sometimes she would hide and the groom would have to find her, or else there might even be a pitched battle between the bride and her friends and the groom and his.  Then the bride and groom would go in procession to the church acompanied by their friends, and by musicians. The bride was 'given away' by her friends rather than by her father.  Parents didn't actually play a very big role in weddings in the pre-modern era.

Answer 15

Men being natures chasers, don't value virginity. In fact, it was never applied to men. The marriage ceremony is traditional, and it harks back to a more innocent (pre feminist zealot days) time when women did value their virginity. Being given away by the father is purely a symbolic thing.

I think the main problem is that you are over analysing it. No emotion just the same old tiresome feminist spoiling. These days, you are free to ignore it, simply going through the dry legal bit. I am sure that in future we will be able to marry our pets.

Answer 16

For the first time ever, I'm gonna tell someone to do some drugs.  Maybe you'll learn to lighten up then.

Answer 17

yup traditional north american societies were sexist

women didn't have the vote

women couldn't work

women couldn't own property

women weren't considered citizens so they couldn't get any government paperwork including a driver's license.

Answer 18

I think it really is sad especially when women are made to feel that a white dress is inappropriate and treated as if they are scarlet women or something. Oppression is the correct word but I never gave it much thought until just now.

It is amazing that the oppression is so traditional that most of us wouldn't even notice that it was happening.

Even the vows are questionable...love, honour and obey...oh dear. :)

Answer 19

Aren't women the ones who usually control the weddings?  I guess y'all are doing it to yourselves.

Answer 20

You read wayyyyyyyyyy too much into things. Take a chill pill. It isn't sexist.