Best golf insults?

Question

What are your best buddy-insults when playing with your pals?

Answer 1

how about the exploding golf ball trick

Answer 2

U.S.A

Ur Still Away

Answer 3

Just MEOW at him.

Answer 4

If some dude leaves a putt short be like " Hey you get your putter stuck in your skirt"?

Answer 5

Usually at about the 4th hole and my friends have hit a couple of errand tee shots and some chunked mid irons, they some times ask me to watch them to see what they are doing wrong, and when the moment of truth comes and they finally ask "What is it? What am I doing wrong?"

I look them right in the eye with a straight face and say "Your just... Your just... NOT GOOD DUDE!

Answer 6

When one of my buddies dribbles one off the tee box, I yell (like a baseball announcer)... the catcher fields that one, and makes the throw to 1st. If they hit a sky-ball that doesn't go too far, I tell'em... the pitcher drifts back annnnnnd, makes the catch!

Answer 7

If someone hits a bad shot and says (1)"Why do I that" reply "Lack of talent" (2) If someone hits a bad shot and the next person does the same say" Monkey see Monkey do"(3)on putts that come up short  "Never up never end"

Answer 8

After they miss a short putt "Nice Lag".

Answer 9

If a dude hits a short drive, or a putt makes it only halfway to the hole... "So, does your husband play?"

Answer 10

when they swing and miss the ball if they are that bad say i can feel that breeze from back here

Answer 11

My best buddy caddied for me.... that's the best insult I can get for him.

Answer 12

Nice swing Charles.

Do you want me to hit your ball for you. Usually after a great drive or a bad drive by the other.

I can hit my pitching wedge farther than that after a bad shot with a longer iron.

Answer 13

Well golf burns where do I start .....lets see

1) hit it Sally  when ever anyones  putt comes up short

2)and you took lessons for that???????

3)after a skyhigh pop up Houston we have lift off

4)after someone puts one in the bunker I say don't ask me to rub sun screen on your back

5)or after a couple of missed chips I say nice up,up,up,up,up, and down

6)after a duffed drive i say I think you misread the break on that one

7)YOUR STILL AWAY

8)for drives that dont clear the ladies tee box they have play a pink ball on the next hole

9)when some one is having a bad game we say we are playing re-vised winter rules lift clean and throw

Answer 14

My son, who is a 0 handicap, just simply says to me "what the h**l was that?"

Answer 15

I also like the, "so, does your husband play, too?"

When someone hits a shot that doesnt get off the ground: " worm abuse, I'm calling the SPCA"

When someone takes a turn too sharp on the golf cart and spills the beer:   "Alcohol abuse"

"S.Y.S" = still your shot

When he hits a weak shot: "Ladies play on Wednesdays"

When he 'skys' a shot:   mocking run towards the ball, waving your hand up in the air like a kick returner calling for a fair catch and say, "I got it"

When he hits a putt WAY too hard:  " Hit a truck "

When  he bombs a drive, but with a huge slice/hook:  "Long....strong...& wrong..."

Answer 16

After a hideous shot tell them:

"Teach me how to do that"

or

"I think that made us all look bad"

or

"What happened I missed it?"

or

"Nice fade"

or (my brother's favorite)

"I think you've had enough to drink // you're flagged"

and if there is a group behind you on the first tee

"Don't worry we'll let you play through"

Answer 17

nothing it si not nice to that when he is holding a golf club to hit with

Answer 18

it always take you more than 2 shots 2 find the hole in ones........get it.... lol.....smile

Answer 19

The worst four words a golfer can hear:

"It's still your go,"

Or if they or you hit a shot that just skims the ground but it's still straight and goes far say:  "It's like a ride off a hooker. You'll take it but you won't go bragging to you friends about it."

Answer 20

this isn't a traditional insult, but it can get your buddies riled up:

after they hit a decent drive, ask them something about how they swing.  For example: "Do you always hold your left elbow that way?"  Look for some idiosyncracy in their setup or swing.  That'll get 'em thinkin about it, which will make it a distraction, which will flub 'em up.  That'll lead to them gettin riled up.  The slow burner, as I like to call it.

Answer 21

A guy finally regains consciousness in a hospital with a huge bump on his head and a five iron wrapped around his neck.

'What happened to you?' the Doctor asks.

'I was playing golf with my wife and it was going well until we reached the eighth tee. I pulled my drive left into a field of cows and then my wife did exactly the same.

We looked for a few minutes but couldn't find any of the balls. Suddenly I caught sight of something and approached a very large cow from the rear.

I lifted it's tail and sure enough, jammed where something shouldn't be I saw the same brand of ball that my wife was using.

I shouted over to her -

HEY - THIS LOOKS LIKE YOURS......

I don't remember anything else.'

Answer 22

"He cant play dead in a cowboy movie!"

Answer 23

That was a good shot....If that was a putt.

Answer 24

this is by far the best

after you rip one down the middle and they hit a decent drive or bad for that matter

you say "did you hear about that new superwalmart they are building," and usually they say "no, where"

then you say "in between my ball and yours"