Between Marriage and Family?

Question

My husband and I have recently hit rock bottom. We lost our houses and our car. We packed whatever that we had, and moved in with his mother and step father. We had very little or no problem with his mom, but her husband was a great pain to deal with. He caused so much drama from the first week we moved there, yet he always preach that he is a kind hearted person. Sadly, mom loves her husband more than his son. Everything she or we do, he must be the first priority in everything. Food are sorted out between his and the 3 of us. That is not the worst part. He loves his dogs more than us, even his own kids. He doesn't care that his kids got into drugs and crimes, but when one of his dogs died, he cried for weeks. I know you probably will say, well tough luck, either you suck it up and live with it or move out if you can, on your own. I know we have no where to go and had to stoop so low that we're not even worthy compared to their dogs, but do we really deserve this kind of treatment, being that we're bankrupt and broke? I've wanted to go back to my parents home countless times, but I couldn't, because they're in another country, and my husband will probably have a really hard time adjusting to the drastic changes. What's your advice? No mean comments please, we have enough insults coming from his family.

Answer 1

Sounds to me like it's time to set goals and aim for them. Save up money to get your own place before Christmas perhaps or whatever suits you. Your in-laws and step in-law dad have their lives in a routine and it is unfortunately their house. Nothing you can do to change his attitude. No one deserves this treatment and I would be surprised to know he is aware that he is doing it. The way you may find easier to survive is to grit your teeth and use these three expressions... Oh... Oh I see, and Oh I see I'm sorry you feel that way. They are passive words but they may help you deal with difficult days.

Answer 2

This is how it is so not much to tell you.  I told my own son that he can live in the woods and work till he get enough to stay in a cheap weekly hotel.  I can understand where you are at but it is up to the two of you to go out start working and move up.  both of you go get small jobs and work up to moving out.  got kids?  Work different shifts and take turns watching.  It is up to you to work out of this.  If it would be easier to go back to your people and find work then do it and he can adjust.  If you go out of your way to make things better then they should appreciate you more but some people just won't.

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Answer 3

The mother/husband do have a right to live how they wants in their own home.  I think you both need to plan on doing something, set a goal and work towards it.  Either both of you go to your parents (your husband should be able to adjust) or plan on getting somewhere to live based on income or even if you must apply for public assistance (this if your in the US).  It sounds like living with his parents isn't going to last much longer.  Sounds like everyone is getting on everyone's nerves.  Not trying to offend you, but I have dogs and I care for these animals more than anything, they get better care than even I do, as in the dogs go to doctor even when I don't.  It has nothing to do with anybody stooping to a level, but if came to a relative living with me or my dog, the relative would be gone in a heartbeat if they couldn't adjust.  Maybe you can try to look at things little differently as well, if the roles were reversed, they moved in with you, would you change for them?    

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a roof over your head and some food.  The mother is married and has her own life.  She wants to put her husband first, to keep her marriage strong, in light of her loser son & daughter-in-law comign to live with them.  Don't fault her for that.

Focus on getting new jobs & cars so you can move out and get your own place.  Don't worry about how he treats you.  No one deserves to be treated worse than dogs, to answer your question, but you need to quit worrying about that and work on getting your lives back so you don't have to depend on people like that who don't care about you.

Answer 5

Just do your best to get back on your feet and get a place of your own...It is going to take some time...but you can do it if you put your mind to it.....Also limit the amount of time that you spend around your mother and her husband....then you won't be up one another's azz....

Answer 6

sorry to tell you this but your just going to have to deal with it intel you can get on your feet again. intel thin try to keep your distance and out of his way.

Answer 7

This is a hard one because when you live in someones house you gotta deal with it.Work really hard and long hours so you can get out.