Birthmothers/AP's....?

Question

If you went through an agency/adoption attorney what were the attorneys/faciliators like to you? My daughter's birthmother and I have talked about this and we want to see if it happens alot. She was treated well and with respect...like she mattered (as it should be), but the facilitators talked horribly about her to us and acted as though she was a no good person just looking for money (which was definitely not the case). I am very interested in hearing your stories. Thanks!

Answer 1

my experience was truly a "madonna/w***e" dichotomy.  i was PRAISED during my pregnancy for being a wonderful, caring woman...while constantly reminded that i could not be a good parent...

when i changed my mind, i was threatened, harrassassed and told that i would be reported to CYS because i'd told them that i was unemployed and in college.

the only thing i'm aware of that they told the paps was that i was: black,  not HIV+, college bound, wasn't trying to "run game" to get money and drug free!  i was also told that they thought i was pretty and liked my curly hair (the saw a pic of me the agency took).  barf....

apparently, these paps had turned down several black pbirthmoms because they were "not the right pedigee."

in other words, "ghetto girls on welfare " need not apply. --only "decent", college bound black girls were good enough for them. seriously, i hope they never matched!

bottom line: birthmothers are a nasty inconvience in the eyes of most adoption agenices. and many counselors are not shy about pointing out that fact.

Answer 2

It was a long time ago, but i vividly remember the counseling and how I cried through every session, how I was told you are doing the right thing, how when we told them we wanted to keep her, they said you will have to pay back the money, they had spent on us, my daughters mom was told we were young and didn't want her. Her legs were messed up and she had to wear braces for months, that was why we didn't want her, of course we had no idea she had a problem. I wasn't allowed to see her after I gave birth, I was wisked away to the surgical ward.

Answer 3

When I adopted, the facilitators at the agency had nothing but the utmost respect and words of kindness for my daughter's nmom.

Answer 4

My adoption agency was great.  The APs  would have told me if they'd acted in such a way.

Answer 5

We had no go between.

She had an attorney and we had an attorney and all they did was ensure the legal requirements were met. The attorneys were paid by the hour, so it didn't matter to either of them what they thought of any of us, or even if the adoption was finalized (except as to the correctness of their filings).

Answer 6

I was quite literally forced to sign the relinquishment papers, foster care adoption. I was coerced in ways I can not even begin to describe. I was trash talked to his APs and lied about at every turn. They thought he was abused because he wouldn't sleep in a bed, we co-slept due to him having a sleep apnea monitor, and the social worker said nothing to dispel that horrid thought. There was NO abuse, NO neglect but they made it appear there was without actually saying so. His APs were told nothing of his medical condition other than I was a smoker. I NEVER smoked in the house and his apnea, asthma and breathing problems were due to being premature NOT due to me being a smoker.

All in all, from what I gathered, they were told lie after lie about me and I was given all of a 1/2 hour meeting to prove I wasn't any of those things while trying to get to know the people who would be raising my child. Yeah I was treated with NO respect, at all.

Answer 7

Her parents were told I was 13 instead of 16, on drugs, didn't know who the father was because I refused to name him, and a run away. After the papers were signed I could get no one to take my calls.

Answer 8

Our agency spoke well of my daughter's BM. We had the pleasure of meeting her at the agency as well, and she was a lovely young lady.  Unfortunately for us, she has not held up her end of the agreement to exchange letters and pictures twice a year. I do understand that she is more than likely still feeling depressed and is struggling with her decision. i remain patient and hopeful for my daughters sake that she will respond soon.