Boyfriend's parents want adoption.?

Question

I'm 19 years old and I am three months pregnant. At first it was hard for me to even decide whether I was going to have an abortion or keep the baby. When it came down to it I could not do it. I have a great job, I work full time, and I'm going to school. My boyfriend and I know we can raise a child even though it is going to be very hard. After he told his parents they want us to put the baby up for adoption. It was a thought that came to mind but I ruled out because I know that I would not be able to handle that. I need to approach my boyfriend's parents but I'm not sure how. Any advice would be great. Thank you.

Answer 1

I am glad to hear this from you.  It would have been selfish to abort your child.  If you truly believe that you can handle raising your child, the more power to you.  The parents really don't have authority in this situation, although their opinion should be noted and considered.  Just let them know that you appreciate their input but the final decision is between you and your baby's father.

Consider this, as well.  If you decide to adopt your child to someone else, you will be able to live with it better than you think.  You've already decided against the worst option.  At least if you give your child up for adoption, your child will be alive and you can have a reunion with him/her.  If you had aborted, that could never happen.

Being a parent is about sacrifice.  You can't be a good parent and be selfish.

Answer 2

once that baby comes you will change your mind babies are the greatest gift of life trust me i have 3 and i was like that with my first but it was the most beautifulest experience.... give it a go there are many places out there that will help struggling parents

any way i can go on an on but good luck

Answer 3

It is your baby, not theirs. Your choice, not theirs. Do not let them persuade you to do something you will later regret.

Answer 4

It's none of their business.

Answer 5

your baby, your family, your choice PERIOD. your boyfriend is going to have to be strong and let them know he is not giving up his child. it will be hard, but they have to understand you appreciate their concern, but the decision is up to the two of you

best of luck and congrats

Answer 6

Raising a child is hard for everyone- most parents no matter their age struggle to juggle jobs, parenthood, household stuff, etc. It's demanding...and rewarding. Even people with a lot of money struggle with something; spending enough time with family and friends, for example, if they work a lot.

I bet they are having a kneejerk reaction to you two being young adults, and probably haven't let go of their "baby boy" yet...some parents never accept their children as capable adults no matter their age! It is perhaps also an issue with their belief system, maybe they think it's wrong that you two had s*x/got pregnant but are not married...but that's their problem not yours.

I would try to be compassionate but firm "I know you want what's best, and we think this is the best choice. We hope you can come to peace with it and support us" or similar.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

It really isn't their decision, but what you have to realize is that if you do keep the baby his parent's will not be supportive....therefore, I wouldn't expect any help from them. Just keep that in mind. You made a mistake, but having a child is a beautiful thing. I am sure the right choice will come to you in time. Just discuss it with the father and don't let anyone make that decision for you. That's between you and the father. If you are old enough to have s*x, you are old enough to make your own decisions in life.

Answer 8

If you did consider it there is open adoption where you choose the family, go see a counsoler, dont let anyone make that choice for you!!! you want to make the best choice for the child, not his parents, not you but the child!! good luck!  You and your boyfriend make the choice, its forever!!!!!

Answer 9

Why do you need to approach them about YOUR child?

THEY don't have to raise it.  THEY don't have to have it.  

You don't need their approval.

This does not belong in the adoption section, either.

**Don't you believe for ONE second that you will "need" their support!  My parents are dead, my husband's mother is 700 miles away.  We raised our kids, by ourselves, and didn't "need" anyone's support.  We had each other.

Answer 10

Your boyfriend's parents once made a choice, to become parents. Hopefully, they had the support of their parents when they chose to become parents. Now that you have chosen to be a parent, let's hope your child's grandparents will be supportive. Parenting can be hard, but it's also rewarding and perhaps your boyfriend's parents will see that you are ready. If they keep the blinders on during your pregnancy, their eyes will open when they hold their new grandbaby. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 11

you are giving up so much of your life if you have a baby now.

Answer 12

Tell them you are glad that they care about what happens.  Ask them what their concerns for both of you are, and what their concerns are for the baby?

Then ask them why they think that adoption is a good answer?  Tell them you two are thinking about this issue very seriously, and will consider all the thoughts of the people close to you.  But that in the long run, the decision is yours, and you know they will understand and respect that.

Then realize that you cannot have it both ways.  If you decide to parent, parent.  Don't ask for others to take care of your child, support your child, buy the clothes and formula, etc.  Do it on your own like all mature parents do.  Then they will respect your decision.  Mooching off them or others, or depending on them or others, will just prove to them they were right.  But if you decide that the best thing for the baby truly would be adoption, please do not let pride stand in the baby's way of a great life.  Just simply do what is best for the child, and then you will be fine, and the baby will be great!

Answer 13

If it were me, I would say "no."  If you gave reasons as to why you are saying no, then they would think that your reasons were negotiable and would try their best to sway your decision.

Answer 14

It's not their decision.  They probably have good reasons for their opinions, and it will be helpful for you to acknowledge this.  Choosing to place a baby for adoption can be a wise choice, but it's not for everyone just because they're young and unmarried.  You have an income, you and your boyfriend are together, you recognize that being parents won't be easy--this is a good start already.  Be kind and non-confrontational with his parents.  They're probably upset about the pregnancy, and you can't do anything about that, but do things to make them proud of you.  Make sure you have his support in your approach.  Be mature and sensible, as you seem to be.  Best of luck.

Answer 15

I am a adoptive mom.  You might be thinking that I'm going to encourage you to put your baby up for adoption.  BUT, that is not what I'm going to tell you to do.  Only YOU know what is in your heart.  However, if there is ANYTHING at all telling you to keep this child, then you REALLY need to keep it.  I look at my adopted son everyday and wonder what his biological mom must be thinking.  Does she miss him?  Does she have any regrets?  Does she long to hold him?  Does she think about him on his birthday?  What things remind her of him?  

Ultimately, you are the one that will have the biggest responsibility no matter WHAT decision you make. If you decided to keep your child it will be a big responsibility on you. But, if you decided to let someone else raise your child, you will still live knowing that you have a child out there somewhere, that is still a responsibility.....wondering if they are ok, if they are well taken care of....if they are warm and happy.....ect.  Can you live with NOT KNOWING?  

I am grateful to have my adopted son.  But his biological mother gave him up due to absolute poverty in Guatemala.  He was going to DIE unless she got him some help.   You are not in that situation.  Can your baby survive in your care?  If so, then I think you might want to think really hard about this decision.  Actually, I think you already know what you want to do.  Don't let anyone BULLY you into doing something you DON'T WANT to do.  

As for your job and work and school.  If you can handle all that, you can work a baby into it to.  You sound like you can multitask pretty well.  Tell your baby's grandparents that they ARE going to be grandparents and that you could really use their help so that you can finish your education so that you can provide for their grandchild the way they would like for you to.

Good luck.

Answer 16

It sounds like, for now, it's the two of you together deciding to raise this child.  That may change.  

If you want to raise your child don't be pressured into doing otherwise.  Giving a child up for adoption is a permanent solution to what is usually a temporary problem, i.e... not married... not making enough money.  

I appreciate that you seem to know a good relationship with them will be important to your baby.  Children surrounded by lots of loving family are not only happier but also your helping them to form important brain connections that make your child more resilient and able to handle stress.  

Most parents, once they know that they can't make the decision for you, will be supportive of what ever you decide.  If you voice your decision and they don't respect it then distance yourself from them until after the baby is born.  You can control how much contact your willing to have with them.  

Try to understand that they may just be expressing this because their own life experience tells them their son may truly be harmed if you decide to keep your baby.  

The way things are now fathers are often not awarded more then the minimal contact with their children and made to pay outrageous child support payments for their children if things don't work out between the two of you.  

If things between the two of you don't work out, they also have no control over whether or not they are shut out of the baby's life.  Their control ended at teaching their son about birth control and encouraging him to use it.  They can't control the outcome if he doesn't.  Of course HIS parents want you to give it up for adoption!

Put your needs and the needs of your baby first.  They are adults... let them deal with their own feelings and emotions over the new baby.  

Try to enjoy your pregnancy and surround yourself with people who can be happy for you both.  You deserve to feel the joy of this event!  Even if everyone won't share it.

Once the baby is here they may fall so much in love with it that they become the Grandparents your child deserves.   If they don't you still have the ability to control how much contact your willing to have with them.  

Good Luck and God Bless,

SB

Answer 17

It's your baby not theirs and it sounds like you have been very responsible about it.  I was adopted at birth and no matter what I will never put up my child for adoption nor will I adopt a child.  There are so many unknowns and I kind of feel a little out of place in my family no matter what.  I know they love me but there's just something that separates me from them.  Tell them that you've weighed all the options and make sure when you talk to them you have an action plan for how you would care for a child

best of luck!!

Answer 18

Although your boyfriend's parents may have strong opinions, the only people who have legal rights to the child are you and your boyfriend.  You need to do what you think is right for your baby and yourself, long term.  If you and your boyfriend are both ready for parenthood, then do the best you can and hopefully they will come around.  Try to surround yourself with people who support YOU, not an agenda.

In the meantime, please do what you can to give baby a great start by eating right, getting your checkups, and taking your vitamins.  This will show boyfriend's parents that you are responsible, AND help to make sure the pregnancy goes well.

Answer 19

Whether you decide to parent or choose adoption, do what's best for child.

I am an adoptive mom to two babies adopted at birth, but because we are in an open adoption I have a lot of insight into a birthparent's thoughts and feelings.

It was very difficult for our children's birthmother to relinquish them.  I'm sure there were times when she thought there was no way she could do it.  But, she kept reminding herself of what was best for her children.  She loves them very much.

(And really, I'm only saying all of this because one of the other responses to your question).

If you do decide to parent, you of course need to speak with your boyfriend's parents and voice your concerns.  You will need their support in raising your child because working full-time, going to school, AND being a parent is going to be very, very difficult.  You will be away from your child a lot, so you will probably have to have someone babysit for you on a regular basis, especially if your boyfriend has a full-time job too.

Whatever you decide, I wish you and your baby the best!

Answer 20

Dont even worry how to approach them about the situation... You sound sure that you will be fine raising your baby... I think if you are capable, then you should not give your baby away... Tell them it is your decision and your boyfriends, and if they do not want to be a part of your childs life that is fine with you... but one day when they meet their grandchild they will regret ever telling you to give your baby up for adoption