Boyfriend struggling with depression?

Question

I think my boyfriend of 6 months is struggling with depression. About a month ago, he admitted to me that he had in the past and sometimes still did. He told me he was afraid of being a failure and often his decision making process was stunted because he didn't want to make a wrong choice. I tried to be encouraging and let him know that I loved him and that whatever he chose to do was ok with me in certain situations. It seemed a bit better for awhile.

Lately, though, he's been down about his work and feeling like a failure because his work environment is pretty high-stress and not very uplifting. I think he's struggling with depression again. I do understand; I have had it myself for several years, but I got help and no longer deal with it. I also did a little research and know it's not something men talk about, and it affects them differently than women.

How do I help him? I think he needs counseling. I have been thinking of contacting his pastor and asking him to intervene, but I don't know if this goes over my boundaries. What should I do? I want him to be happy, and I know with counseling he can probably see significant improvement in his life. But I don't want to force him to get help or cross my line, either.

Answer 1

When I was depressed I wanted people to do certain things, if they did them wrong, I freaked out on them. Even if they did it right sometimes I would still freak out. Think back to when you were depressed (I know it's hard) and think about what things YOU wanted people to do or talk to you about that you would not bring up yourself. Talk to him about it. Even if he seems mad at you for it, he may still feel kind of glad that someone noticed. Be that person in his life that keeps him going and that he can talk to, and make him happier.  

Answer 2

Is he willing to invest the time and energy to go for counseling and to work on improving himself and his outlook? Gently suggest that he seek help. Tell him you're willing to go with him and wait while he speaks with his pastor. Keep encouraging him. Maybe the two of you can come up with some creative solutions that will make him feel better at work. If his self esteem is down his faith probably is too. He needs to have a healthier concept of who he is and sharpen his belief system. Be there for him, be supportive, and when necessary give him a kick in the butt to help him along (not literally of course). :o)

Answer 3

go and get him to see a doctor.