Can Single Disabled Women Adopt?

Question

I've a friend who is 29 & DESPERATE to have kids & start her family within the next couple years (before she reaches her early/mid 30s)

But cuz she's never been in any romantic relationship, had a boyfriend, or even been on a single date, she doesn't see herself becoming involved with a guy or getting married - at least not within the next few years, if EVER.

To further complicate things, from childhood she's had the mental illnesses ADHD, depression, Borderline Personality & Bipolar Disorder. But she's been under a doctor's care, is on medication, and has been stable & symptom-free for almost a decade.

Yet she is DESPERATE to become a mom while she is still young & though she's also considering artificial insemination, she also wants to adopt older kid(s) in need of good homes - hopefully from India (cuz that's where her parents & family is from)

She is very loving, affectionate & I think would make a great mom. Will she be able to adopt? Or is insemination the only option?

Answer 1

first i hope you don't think the ADHD is a mental illness :)

second i am sure she can adopt from lots of places. india can be a hard place to adopt from because they are very picky, but if that is her heritage they might be more accepting. if her mental issues are even in question it probably wouldn't be a huge issue. especcially if she is willing to accept an older child, sibling group, or special needs child...  really though she needs to be the one looking into this, if she is the one that wants to do this

and just a reminder artificial insemination is a ton cheaper! and they probably won't care if she has and mental disorders...

Answer 2

I truly don't know if your friend will be able to adopt. Every agency has different requirements and each program within the agency has their own requirements as well. For example, many international programs allow single mothers, while some do not.

I think her mental illnesses will prove to be a bigger problem than her marital status. I know many single mothers who have adopted.

She needs to just start talking to different agencies and see what their requirements are. It's going to be an emotional process regardless. I remember when my husband and I adopted how upsetting it was to be judged - our finances, our health, our home, our personalities. When I cried to our lawyer about it he just said, "well, they don't give a baby to just anyone!". I know it seems unfair because there are so many people with children who seem so unfit, but that is just life.

However, if she is willing to keep checking with different agencies, including state agencies who deal with older children, she very well may find herself able to adopt. I hope that she can as if she is able to maintain a career and a home I personally can think of no reason she would be unable to parent.

The other thing that I hate to mention, but she needs to prepare for the problem of insemination. Many states now do not allow single women to go through any type of fertility treatment - insemination, in vitro, etc. without a home study or something similar.  The doctors simply can't do it without going through the proper procedures. So depending on her state of residence, this may not be a viable option either.

Good luck to her.

Answer 3

I don't see why not if she has a lot of to give but it up tp agent it does cost a lot. My advice is to check around.

Answer 4

Hopefully she'll be able to...we need for woman who will...but it may be harder for her to sense she isn't married and all that...

Answer 5

Probably every adoption agency has different rules. I was mentally unstable for my duaghters first 5 years. I was on medication and got help when I needed it. I was an excellent mother and I called people for help when I needed it and kept up to date on how I felt and my meds. I am fine now and off all medication (remission was a miracle!) and she is now 8 and my son is 6 months old

Answer 6

I hope not.  Adopted kids deserve more than your 'friend' has to offer.

Maybe she should look into fostering, or Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

Adopted children should not be brought in to fill emotional holes of single, mentally ill, 'desperate' women.

Answer 7

Every Agency is different regarding the requirements to adopt. Please advise your friend that adopting a child can be an emotional journey and take a toll on a person sometimes. I'm not saying that is bad, I just want your friend to be prepared. Also please advise her that she may come under a microscope because of her medical history, some adoption agenices may do this. Other than that this is your friends life and I can't really advise if she should or shouldn't adopt. Since my feelings are that a child should have two parents.

Answer 8

Her desire to become a mother is superceded by the child's need for a stable parent.  I should hope she is NOT granted an adoption.  

Her 'desparation' could be just another symptom of her many mental illnesses.

How selfish of her!  

A child deserves better than to be given to a woman with "mental illnesses: ADHD, depression, Borderline Personality & Bipolar Disorder,"  

ESPECIALLY THE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER WHICH WILL MAKE HER TOTALLY UNABLE TO CARE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!

I'm not being cruel...I'm thinking that life is hard enough without being adopted by a whacked out woman with no husband, and no guarantee that she will remain stable.

Mental illnesses do not go into 'remission' the cancer might.  What if her illness progresses, and she gets so sick that she refuses to take her meds??? This happens all the time!

Think of the child!

Answer 9

If she is well established for herself and all of her symptoms are in check for this long I would see no reason for her not to adopt. Alot of places want married couples to adopt but if she is willing to adopt older kids that would be really good. There are so many older kids out there in the system in our country and others that need homes. Most people only want babies or young children. She might be able to help others out who have the same diseases. Good luck to your friend and I commend her on living with everything and not working the system like others I know with Bipolar.

Answer 10

no

Answer 11

A few years ago I babysat for a single mother who had adopted all 3 of her children and she was blind. If she is on medication and has been doing well for nearly a decade I really would see no problem with her adopting. Of course it can depend on the agency  and sometimes even the country she wants to adopt from. If she wants to adopt from India she should some research and find out what their criteria is. Don’t forget the foster care system either that could also be an option for your friend since she is wants older kids.  

The best of luck to your friend. Honestly her conditions are controlled why should she not be able to adopt some children who need a home. There are also a lot of woman once they hit their late 20's early 30's have the urge to become a mother.

I also think adoption is the best bet for your friend. If she got pregnant its very likley she would have to go off some of if not all of  the medication that are controlling  her issues.