Can This Poetry Get Me AnyWhere?

Question

You want me to tell you I love you

Lying here in your arms

I'm not gonna lie tonight

Love is nothing apart

Never saying sorry

Never spilling any tears

Over nonsense

From the past ten years

Now your walking out

Of my door

Just watch your back

Because my door doesn't shut

*It slams*

This was just something I wrote and never revised or anything so I know some work needs to be done but it's a rough draft!

Answer 1

Where do you want it to take you? Materialism and perfect artifice rarely go hand-in-hand.

Answer 2

I think this poem was artless. The many cliches were naked of unique personal descriptions; they were simple, and not very vivid.

The ideas were not fall into to one another, and had gaps that I could imagine being filled.

You made everything happen swiftly.

The conclusion was really a door slamming in the face.

This poem will not get you anywhere on its own, and if it were in a book written by you it would be overlooked by many.

This is a message to some one you dislike, and the reader knows well that you don't like the person, but is unsure of the real reasons behind that emotion and the following actions.