Can a Best Man Quit Gracefully?

Question

About a year ago my best friend got married. He had asked me to be the best man a year prior to the wedding. I never wanted to be the best man and I am sure he sensed that when I hesitated. Eventually I said yes as he begged me. About 6 months before the wedding I resigned as best man. He said he was disappointed but not angry. However in the months following he didn't talk to me and was mocking my never having a girlfriend and still living at home; clearly these comments were based on his jealousy and my resiging as best man. He said I was immature, etc. I explained that 6 months was ample time to find another best man and the only one being immature was him. This issue still resurfaces today. How should I deal with it?

I quit because I really don't like his family and I just wanted to go without having any responsibilities. I didn't say this to him though. I told him that I just didn't think I was the best person for the job.

Answer 1

I don't know if any attendant can quit or resign gracefully.  Unfortunately your friend pushed you when you were obviously uncomfortable, kudos to you for trying to be their for your friend.

Yes, 6 months is plenty of notice.

The 1st poster says that there are hardly any duties, well not in weddings I've been involved with. Best man is usually planning a social, making sure deposits get paid and vendors show up etc, throwing a bachelor party, and freeing up time for all the other little wedding things.  

Yes he might be jealous that you are still free of the "ball and chain", and he's obviously still upset.  Unfortunately some things like this never get buried and forgotten.

When it comes up again I recommend standing firmly behind your decision, and explaining why you made the choice to resign (if you don't want to tell him about not liking his family etc., then don't ever bring it up, and back up your original reason.  It sounds like he doesn't understand that you are 2 different people, and he wants you to conform to his needs but not your own.  

Good luck!

Answer 2

How long have you guys been friends?  Tell him the real reasons because as he sees it, you bailed on him, his best friend with a lame excuse.  He's hurt and embarrassed and is lashing out at you.  C'mon 'not best person for the job' sounded like you were turning down permanent employment position.

Honestly, you should have sucked it up and put up with his family for a couple of hours, standing proudly beside your 'best' friend.

Answer 3

WOW!

You are a jerk for a best friend.

I hope he finds a new one!

Let me explain the best friend concept to you.

You stand by each other thru thick and thin.

You support each other even when you don't see eye to eye.

You tow the line when he needs help.

You did none of these.

Shame on you!

Answer 4

The best man is supposed to be the grooms best friend. You obviously don't feel that way or you would be going through with this. The excuse that you don't like his family doesn't

wash and there are no real responsibilities involved except make sure he gets there sober and hold onto the ring. It is

not like in the old days when the groom kidnapped the bride and the 'best man' held her family off by swordpoint while the happy couple made their escape which is the origin of the role. Yes he is still angry and insulted. I wouldn't say he is

jealous.  You live with your parents and have no girlfriend what could he be jealous of? So we have established that you really don't feel too close to this guy and you say he is insulting you and mocking so why are you even hanging around with him? I would be cooling the whole relationship.