Can this relationship work?

Question

I was in a 6 year long, very serious relationship with someone I planned to marry and spend my life with. We had a traumatic situation happen to us and I broke it off because I felt that it was the only way things could ever get better, as we really took each other for granted.

I thought I was over him and got into another relationship very quickly, and it got serious very quickly also. When I started seeing this new guy, I started changing myself into the type of person I felt like I should be with him and didn't stay true to who I am... and then I got pregnant. We got engaged and married within my first few months of being pregnant, and now I'm finding myself very unhappy & it's only been 5 months of marriage. I'm really learning who he is as a person and I feel like everything I loved (or maybe thought I loved) about him is going down the drain more and more every day. There have been times when I have confronted about the fact that our values and beliefs are so very different, and talked to him about issues that bothered me and the issues don't really change or get fixed. I also find myself feeling very resentful because I am losing myself..I rarely get a chance to see my friends anymore..or to do anything that makes me happy.. I wasn't ready to get married but I felt like it was the "right thing to do".. There is a part of me that is angry though because whenever I tell him about my feelings he just says something like "well if you want to leave, then leave.." and he doesn't fight for me or try to make me see that this can work.

Also s*x is becoming an issues. Because I know that as his wife, it's my job to have s*x with him. But s*x is a very big emotional thing for me, and I cant be intimate with someone that I don't feel like I'm in love with.. I also know that once your s*x life goes down the drain, the relationship pretty much does to.. but I cant bring myself to feel attracted to him...

Every single day we are slowly growing apart more and my feelings for him have turned plutonic. I do love him and I always will because he's a good guy... but it just seems like he isn't right for me. We are so different...

Can relationships work when two people have totally different backgrounds, belief systems and values?

How do you know when it's time to leave? How long am I supposed to stay unhappy?

Answer 1

It is similar to out growing one another.  Chalk this marriage up as a mistake.    Relationships can work when two people are totally different if they truly love and care for one another.  He may be feeling the same way.  However, you also have to consider that you are pregnant and your hormones can wreck havoc on your system.  So be sure.  But the fact that he states he doesn't care if you leave or not says it all to me.

Answer 2

Dunno lol

Answer 3

sounds like you would be better off as friends and do joint-custody when the baby is born. You didn't know one another well enough to have a baby, but you had s*x, and tada now theres a baby on the way, stay friends, but not married, get on the pill, and learn from this.

Answer 4

re: Can relationships work when two people have totally different backgrounds, belief systems and values?

.....not likely because they may not be able/willing to negotiate and compromise as best friends. (you could try to google: relationship tips)

re: How do you know when it's time to leave? How long am I supposed to stay unhappy?

........you leave as soon as your unhappiness creates problems FOR YOUR CHILD - which will be from the first day the kid is born into that sesspool of unhappiness.

Answer 5

I have learned that if you rush in a relationship right after another relationship that it causes problems in your new relationship.  Due to the fact that a lot of people rush into new relationships without healing or resolving issues from the previous relationship that you tend to bring all the issues from your old relationship into your new one?  Is it that you really don't love your husband, or are you comparing him with your ex?  Make sure that you take time and do soul searching before you possibly ruin a good relationship (or what could potentially be a good relationship.)  Also remember that no one is perfect.  I do believe that if you are from two separate backgrounds that it could work as long as each other knows what one expects from them.