I'm 15, and I'm usually a very happy person, but when I'm given too much time by myself (generally at night) I really analyze my life and I always feel empty, hollow, extremely depressed, and realize that most of the time I'm just faking a smile. I usually end up crying all night (yesterday I cried for about two hours) and have thoughts about running away from home and disconnecting from everyone I know and starting a new life. I know that I have many problems in my real life, but I think my depression really stems from the fact that I have no one to talk to. My parents love me but I can't tell them that I'm feeling depressed (I don't have an open relationship with them... it's strictly parent-kid with us so don't tell me to talk to them please). I don't have a close connection with my sisters (they're about ten years older than me and I see them a few times a year) and my younger brother is just out of the question. I have a lot of friends but I don't have a best friend I can really talk about this with without getting made fun of. They're the type of friends I usually just have fun with. And I don't think I can get professional help or anything.
I started writing a journal to vent my feelings, but can someone suggest another way I can release my pent up feelings? I really don't think keeping all this anger and sadness inside is healthy. Thanks! :D
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