Cant look at my mom anymore...?

Question

Okay, I feel really bad about this, but...I really can't stand to look at my mom anymore. Whenever I look at her I get so mad and I just want to scream at her and I feel terrible. The reason is, I do so much stuff (more than all of my friends, except one), and sometimes I cut things a little bit short because there's so much to do. Like for my violin practice, I'll practice 20 minutes instead of 30 and she'll get really annoyed. Also, sometimes I just want to sit down and rest on my computer and take a break from everything. Like have a day off, but she'll never let me and it seems like she keeps adding more and more to my schedule.

Whenever I tell her to stop adding stuff or that I'm feeling overwhelmed she just tells me how much more my sisters did than I'm doing or how my ONE friend DID more activities than I do (he dropped out of most of them cause he felt like he had too much). I don't know what to do...I don't want to scream at her or anything, but I'm on the verge of just going up to her and shouting "Shut up! I don't like you! You don't listen to me and you always think you're right!".

Please, is there anyway to make me stop...well, hating her? And please, I've tried all methods of talking to her, so no suggestions about that.

Answer 1

First, realize that your mom will not change. Imagine as if she is a turtle and that she can't act like what you expect assume a horse. Turtles can't think like horses or run or act like them. Once you realize there is nothing you can do to change your mom from being a turtle it will be a lot easier for you to tolerate her.

Since you are her kid, try to get along and don't expect her to change plus try to see that she says and do what she does to you because she doesn't know any better and she never will.

If you can ask her to invest in activities you want to do that will keep you away from the house. Such as self defense classes, tell her it will help you defend yourself and it helps your self esteem. Also, tell her you want to join the army if she keeps forcing you into treating you like a puppet. She might start listening to you more if you shock her in wanting to fight in our current war.

Good luck,

Answer 2

I wish I knew your age but I hope this helps with the answer.Here is what I have seen and believe is your Mom's problem.

She is caught up with" Keeping Up with the JONES"

Her and her" Mom "friends sit around and try to outdo each other as to who's daughter does more.She is also trying to live her life through you.(she is afraid of getting old.)I have witnessed the damage she can do to you if she keeps  piling on more activities.An example of this is a real PLEASE READ.I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew and from an early age they were kept on the go,I think you know the drill, Soccer,piano,dance etc. plus full days at school.this occurred from elementary school,high school and for Real college,In college they had scholarships for swimming.What her well intentioned parents didn't realize is when you get a college sport scholarship is that you are a full time employee of the school.No christmas breaks or any other holiday for You have no life...Well they all managed to graduate and they rebelled against their parents by not getting jobs after college because it was then that they started to enjoy the things that they missed out on all those years.Now the parents who were so caught up with Jone's now HIDE their heads because they think their kids are failures when there friends who raised their kids normally come around. MY ADVICE IS TO REBEL NOW IF She won't listen to you.

Save yourself embarrass her now rather than spend the next several years living HER DREAM not yours......

Answer 3

Well, I'm a mom of a 17 yr old...we have days like this. Just remember she's keeping you busy to help make you a better person, because she loves you & it's her job. Think of this, if she didn't give you responsibilities around the house...you wouldn't know how to do these things in your own home someday...and she's keeping you busy with extra events to make sure your time is being used wisely...this will help you to make better choices later in life. Because you're with people that share a common interest & you're not out getting yourself into trouble with too much time on your hands. She loves you...just keep telling yourself that...and some day you will understand why she does the things she does...

Always communicate with her, she may not always see things your way, but at least you will have given her something to think about.

Answer 4

Don't tell her how you feel, show her. Don't do what she tells you to do. Make your own decisions, and do those alone.

Answer 5

You need to talk to your school counselors... you are over-scheduled, stressed and depressed... burned-out. You need an advocate. See if the counselor will call your mom in for a session and spell things out to her.

Truth is, not everyone learns at the same speed, and not everyone has the same drive.

If it comes to it, then you will need to start backing off the schedule by yourself.

Answer 6

*hugs*

Wow.  Sounds like you have it pretty tough.  Quite different than my mother who never pushed me at all.  I regret that too so.....

IDK what to say to you but that you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and not being too unreasonable.

Maybe get with your school counselor and befriend her and join you in a consultation with your mom??

But in a good way, as to not get your mom into any legal trouble.

Best wishes

Answer 7

sounds like your mom is just trying to keep you from being a slacker. if you really feel that overwhelmed try to just calmly talk to her. but if you are really not doing but one or two things maybe you should just give it some time. most likely she probably feels keeping you busy is keeping you out of trouble, like drugs, s*x, etc.

Answer 8

Write her a letter about your feelings.  Ultimately some of these things are your choices.  Even though you live under her roof she cannot MAKE you do anything.  If some of these activities are so important to her that she would kick you out or ground you then so be it.  At least that way you would have some time to relax.  She can't compare you to anyone else.  That is not fair.  Make some sort of deal with her.  If the letter doesn't work let her read the question you have submitted.  She's trying to make you into a successful person.  She's doing what she thinks is best.  Maybe in the future you will thank her for it.  I know I wish my parents had pushed me harder.  I'd be m0ore productive now.  Instead I dropped out of college because I had no work ethic.

Good luck to you.  Don't hate her.  But you don't have to like her right now.

Answer 9

i have a similar problem. ive just been dealing with it alot for about 4 years, and ive mellowed out alot. focus on happy things. no really. and if you find it hard to do that, write stuff down, and throw it away. learn not to let things get to you. when your grown, you're going to have to do alot more than you think, so doing stuff all the time now, will just be preperation for adult life. i know it seems like you just want to throw something or stab a pillow or put a hole in the wall, but you just have to breathe, find an outlet. do you like music? listen to music while you're doing stuff. thats my thing.  

Answer 10

your chores are  your JOB.  try doing them without so much complaint.  I'm sure that if you do the yelling thing, it isn't going to get you very far. more than likely you will get grounded and then you will have plenty of time to do more chores.

Answer 11

Parents just want what is best for there kids. Maybe she looks at it as helping you to prep for the future. You need to have a one on one talk with her and explain how you are feeling. Say it in a respectful manner. Tell her how much is on your shoulders with school. Just try to stay calm and explain. Tell me how it all turns out!

Answer 12

wow. i understand completely my mother just yells at us cause were not the children that she wanted. lucky i have a father that's super nice and considerate. (parents divorced)

unfortunately i have tried to talk to my mother as well but it seems shes good for a day or two then BOOM! she starts yelling again.

(so i know how you feel yelling at her might make it better or way worse)

but my little brother tamed the beast by writing a "love letter" and left it on top of the bed or under her pillow etc.  and in the letter it basically described all of his feelings and what he did / didn't like about what was going on

basically its just like a "Kind"yelling at your mother but in writing.

--------------------------------------...

just thought of another idea:

try talking to your sisters and have them tell your mom what your not liking ...

hope this helps!

Answer 13

well the one question is that u read the bible daily and try spending more time and express urself to her tell her what u like and dont like this happened to me 2 ur not the only one

Answer 14

Just Stand up and say

"STOP CONTROLLING MY LIFE! IT'S NOT YOURS, IT'S MINE!

YOU'VE ALREADY LIVED YOURS!

SO IF YOU HAD A CRAPPY CHILDHOOD, IM SORRY!

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN U SHOULD TAKE IT OUT ON ME!

NOW PLEASE, STOPMAKING ME DO s**+* I DON'T WANT TO DO!!!"

She'll be upset at first, but she'll realize that it is your life, NOT hers...

And if you feel bad about doing that to her, tell her "I'm sorry mom, but it's the truth"  

Answer 15

talk to ur mom about it tell her why you practice for 20 min. i play the violin too and the required time for me( I'm 14yrs old) is 30 min i don't know how old you are but if you are around my age or older then you should be practicing for 30 mins. just talk to your mom and see what she says.