Cheating one month into the marriage...?

Question

Usually I'm the one who is everyone's advice giver, and listens to all my friends problems, and usually I know what to say, but I'm stuck on this one and I need your insight:

My best friend and her boyfriend had a child together back in Feb of 2008 and they decided to get married in July of 2008. I got a disturbing call from her last night, and basically she just found out that her husband has an incognito my space page, that no one knows about, he's listed as single, basically trying to pick up some ladies in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania... which is where he will be living while she is in Iraq. (She's in the military) He copied and pasted the same message to 29 girls basically saying, "I'm new to this my space thing, looking to meet someone new, you are very beautiful, hope to talk to you soon sweetie." He was sending these messages last Friday and Saturday. I'm sure it can go without saying that she was beside herself. She confronted him and asked him if there was anything that he has done that is wrong since they have been married... of course he looked at her like she was crazy and denied it... so she brought up the my space page, threw her laptop in his lap, and walked out. She called me hyperventilating, and freaking out. She is headed to the middle east in 3 weeks, and she doesn't even know if her marriage is going to last, and if she can trust her husband. This is probably an all time low. I told her she needs to seek counsel to see what her rights are, and she needs to get tested for STD/HIV, because she's not sure what he's done already, and seeing how they are married they don't have protected s*x. I tried calming her down, but I'm not sure what else I can say to her. I pretty much think the marriage is over, and she should file for separation, but I don't wanna tell her that. What do you think?

Also, it is his page, no doubt about it, no one hacked into his myspace, he did this. He basically denied it completely until she typed in his user name and password, brought up the 29 messages he sent, and even then he tried to say that was from before....

Answer 1

leave the b*****d

Answer 2

1 month into the marriage? That is fast...

It took me 5 years before I started having affairs .

Answer 3

You are being a good friend, you gave her some good advice. I know this is probably one of the hardest things she will have to go through, so just be there for her. She really should end it, but this man will always be the childs father. Just remind her that things will get better eventually.

Answer 4

Wow poor girl ! So I am taking it he will be keeping their child while she is gone as well?

This is super hard . Even if she does drop him she will still be in love with him and still have to speak to him on behalf of calling home to check on their daughter.

I don't know what advice to give but that is dirty she isnt even gone yet and he is trying to set stuff up what a fu*king dog !

Can she maybe get an annulment?

Answer 5

I would leave his **** and be tested for std/hiv and file for child support!

Answer 6

Divorce!!!!! She has enough to worry about going to Iraq, she doesn't need to be worrying about what her piece of sh*t husband is doing behind her back....She hasn't even left & he is already planning his affairs? Come on now, that's pretty sick!

Answer 7

A DNA test and there goes her no rights issue.  The one that suffer is the kid she should be careful grand parents can sue for rights and visitation.  It is hands down that grand parents will win when going to court over this matter

Answer 8

The guy is full of c**p !!!. If he wrote those emails last Friday & Saturday, then she knows it wasn't from a long time ago. He needs to fess up to what he's done and for lying to her. If he doesn't, she needs to dump him and go on with her life for her and the baby. I get so sick and tired of reading about these men and women who get together with someone and no sooner are they together and one of them is cheating on the other.

Answer 9

leave them to it you would not want to loose your friend over this, make sure she does get checked for stis though, it may be possible for her to get the marriage annuled

Answer 10

She might be able to get an annulment on the grounds of fraud or something.  Anyway I feel really bad for her.  My ex boyfriend did the exact same thing but I only found out after I broke up with him.  Fake myspace page, said he was single, younger than he really was, tons of hoochies as friends, all sorts of messages that STARTED out like what she found.  Stupid stuff like "wow you're pretty" or whatever.  But sometimes those idiot chicks take the bait & write back.  Then it turned into "when do I get to meet you" and then got worse from there.  He's definitely throwing out his fish hook.  I don't think he's just BS-ing or wasting time.  I think he really is trying for some hookups while she's gone.  What an a*****e!!

I think your advice was right.  She needs to speak to a lawyer.  It sucks that she has to leave soon with all of this hanging over her head.  She should probably consider it over because no matter what he says now she won't believe him anyway.  Even if he hasn't cheated yet she's still not going to trust him while she's gone & it's going to build up more resentment than the relationship can probably withstand.

Answer 11

that's messed up! man w***e! anyways yeah she can probably get an annulment if they only been married a month but she better to it fast... i would have done it already at this very moment. She shouldnt think twice about it who's to say that he promises all this c**p that he won't do it but the min she's gone he's doing it again... thats bull!