Children or not...?

Question

Why do so many people esp men think it's so wrong for a woman to choose to not have children?

Seriously, there are many reasons to opt to be either childfree or adopt, I choose adoption -- I have my reasons.

Why do people look down on that?

Answer 1

Because they are judgemental.   It's YOUR choice.

Answer 2

It is called being "child free".  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

One in five women in the USA are "child free".  Why would that be abnormal?

Egoistical men will have nothing to do with you because the fact that you don't want children threatens their manhood.  I am a child free man of 42.  I had a vasectomy when I was 21.  My current girlfriend had her tubes tied when she was 25.

Answer 3

A lot of people still believe in the old "barefoot and pregnant" thing. The more people that opt out of having children, the better.

Answer 4

I've got no issue with either, child free or adopting.

Answer 5

It's not just men who find it strange.  My husband and I are CF's and loads of people don't believe us when we say we're not going to have kids...ever.  Like some how deep down inside they think 'Oh, They'll change there mind EVERYONE wants kids.'  No Thank You!  

It's a new concept for a lot of people old and young.  We're taught our whole lives that a 'family' makes a person happy and that we need to breed in order to perpetuate our bloodlines, have a piece of the husband etc, so to be vocal in changing this point of view is hard for a lot of people to understand.

It's even harder in our area (a military base) because 99% of the people here have children and there is a whole subculture of breeders devoted to this idea.  Every time soldiers get home from a deployment it becomes Baby Rabies season so for us it becomes very hard to find people who aren't obsessed with having more children.

You are fortunate to live in a time where the internet is connecting people at an astounding rate.  Up until recently I didn't even know there was such a thing as Child Free but once I found a name to attach to the way we felt it really changed our perspective.  Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

I don't know , there really is no reason to have a problem with that.

Answer 7

I can't imagine. I think adoption is an amazing thing to do; there are many children without families to care for them, and by adopting you can change someone's life so much.

I've seen it go the other way as well though; some childless people have told me it's wrong to want a big family. I wish we could just accept other people's life choices. :)

Answer 8

I'm a man and I see no problem with women or anyone who choose to never have children. I applaud people who've made that decision. I don't have an issue with people who adopt or want kids either.

I really cannot stand people who harass or judge others for the decisions they've made on not having children.

Answer 9

I don't blame you for having your reasons, and no one should judge you for that. I am child free but have often thought of adopting.

Answer 10

Its an instinctive nature thing,like any species,the male is the one wishing to have off spring,,if it was the other way around,there would be no more species let of any kind..

Yes adt. is fine and nothing wrong with that ether,and most guys would go along with this,if they were unable to have there own of them self..

Answer 11

Why do you care?

I have a hard time caring what other people think about what I do. Who are they anyway? Its not like they're perfect themselves, so if they want to judge ME.. well.. I just laugh.

Answer 12

Adoption is great! I have two cousins who were adopted from Lyberia. They are so sweet. The reason I wanted to have my own children is to experience pregnacy and childbirth and to be able to see the product of me and my husband's love. Children are a blessing no matter if they are biological of not. Just one thing, if your husband really desires to have a child of his own, you might need to talk to him about it. Sometimes it isn't right to deny your husband his own child. You might regret it at the end of you life. Again, I want to adopt a baby from Lyberia if I ever have the money.

You should look into adopting Lyberian orphans. They are living in over crowded orphanages with very little food. Many of them have no parents due to the violence of their 14 year Civil War. The cost to adopt them is just $5,000 per child. The lowest in the world. Once bit of advice is to not adopt older children(teenagers) they become rebelious. I know 2 families who have adopted children from Lyberia and they are now battling DCFS for child abuse that they are innocent of.

Answer 13

I think you are getting butt-hurt over nothing.  I choose to believe that people who criticize are not looking down on it.  I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they just don't understand my choice.

It's like all your girlfriends being happily married and they just can't understand why I would choose to be single instead of seek the bliss they are in.  Same goes with babies.  Frankly, babies freak me out.  I enjoy other peoples.  People think I would make a fantastic mother...  but I am perfectly happy being every bodies favorite auntie.  Yep.  People who have kids are like your married friends.  They want you to experience the joy of pregnancy, the miracle (ha!) of childbirth and the fulfillment of parenthood.  There's good intentions in there.  That's ok.

If I were to choose to adopt later down the road, I would adopt older kids.  Those kids rarely get adopted and they end up just aging out of the system.  Just because they aren't babies doesn't mean they won't love you like you're their real mom.  Plus, I can deal with emotional issues MUCH better than I can with potty training.  Just this past weekend, my 2 year old niece took a c**p on me.  Yes, she had just gotten out of the pool, I grabbed her to dry her off and sat her on my lap, then.... pfffffft!  All over my Calvin Klein jeans.  Why would I want a kid?  Crazy talk.

Plus, my family is HUGE.  People don't generally comprehend the concept of huge until they take a look at my family bush (most people might say tree, but mines got too many branches to be a tree - so it's a bush).  I will never lack for family members.  Ever.  We are all very close.  I've got 9 cousins that are in my age range alone.  I will never, ever, ever, ever be lacking for family no matter how old I get... unless God smites down all of California, Colorado, Utah, Nebraska, Washington state, Nevada, Arizona and Alaska.... and that's just my CLOSE family that I see all the time.  There's more in other states, but they don't visit as often.  

I think many people have children for two reasons.  One, failed birth control and they turn it into a "happy accident."  Two, a desperate need for emotional fulfillment.  There is nothing wrong with either of those.  My husband and I are diligent with birth control, but if that fails then I may fall into category number one.