Competing family weddings?

Question

My fiance and I got engaged March 2007, and set a general date of Summer 2009. My brother got engaged this past Christmas (2007) after knowing his fiance for four months. They promptly decided to say that they were going to get married Summer 2009 also, completely disregarding what we had set. We are both engaged to people from the East Coast, and are both planning on having the weddings there (we live in CA), which means that family is going to have to travel. Instead of having two family weddings in the same summer, my fiance and I decided to move the wedding up to this January, 2009. We already have everything booked. Now, I hear from my mom that they are thinking about changing their date to this January. I am very upset about it. How do I handle it? I mentioned it to my mom and she said that it has nothing to do with me, but in my opinion it completely affects me. People are going to have to choose which wedding to attend. They have not officially set the date yet. Should I ask them to not do it then and keep what they originally said?

Answer 1

If that were me I wouldnt think about setting my date around the same time as yours, just have a talk and just remeind them that people we know and love will have to choose which one to go to meaning there will be people missing at both weddings, but if u had it at different times in the year, all members could attend each and you both will have a great wedding that way

Answer 2

Send out save the date cards..... first come first serve?

Answer 3

I would suggest calling your brother and explaining to him that the reason you moved your wedding to January was because you didn't want people to have to attend 2 weddings in the summer, since he said he was getting married in the summer. Hopefully then he'll understand the reasoning and set a date for the summer still. Good luck!

Answer 4

Believe it or not, I have a similar situation going on in my family right now, the only difference is that each couple set a date without knowing about the other couple's choice.  My sister chose Aug 7th, 2009 and my cousin Aug 8th... the problem being that one is on the East Coast of Canada and the other in Ontario (Central).

Judging by how everything went here, your brother should be open to talking with you and changing his date back to the summer if it really truly does bother you.  Ask him first what his motives were for advancing his date to January - perhaps he was just trying to make sure people would also be able to make it to his wedding too as not everyone will be able to buy two round trips in an 8 month period.  All you can do is ask.  However, if his goal really is just to get in your way, be prepared to show your true self and make him understand just how important this is to you.

Best of luck :-)

Answer 5

Maybe you could plan your weddings in the same week? That way your family won't have to travel twice. You also may be able to save money by combining some events, like the rehearsal dinner.

Remember that a wedding is the beginning of a journey with your spouse, not a competition with your sibling.

Answer 6

Your brother is a tard.  Sorry.  He either has zero clue or he's just a jerk.  That's really not cool.  Communication is the key to everything.  Don't talk through your mother.  Call him directly & ask him what's up.

Answer 7

Thats tricky. He's mildly tacky! I would say quit talking about wedding around him.

How old are you all... all 4 of you?!

Answer 8

Oh man....this is a sticky situation.

Can you ask your mom to talk to your brother?  You aren't being selfish, you are being altruistic in the sense that you don't want to burden your family with multiple trips back East for weddings.

Do you have a good relationship with your brother's fiance?  Can you call her and explain?

Answer 9

after reading this entire thing-I don't think having the weddings so close together is a bad thing at all.

my fiance's family is also from back east (Illinois) and we have decided to have our wedding here (in AZ) due to it costing too much for my family to travel.

his sister just got married last year in IL and it was a HUGE hassle to get all of their friends and some family (my fiance,me and my 3 kids and his sister's family-3 girls and 2 parents) from AZ to Illinois. the cost was outrageous and flights have since hiked up big time in price. our plane tickets for me,my fiance,and my 3 girls were 2400.00 bucks. if I was your family member-there is NO way I could afford to do that twice in one year. this is something you really need to think about.

your family is already going to have to travel for one wedding and with travel expenses the way they are now-I don't see all of them being able to do it again come summer time when your brother's wedding was originally planned. I honestly think he and his fiance are trying to make things easier for your families.

why not have the weddings a few days apart? that way everyone will already be in town but you still get to have your special day the way you want it. this way, you can have a joint rehearsal dinner and make it fun.

I think you're being just a little too petty about all of this. have you even talked to your brother to see why he set his date so close to yours not once, but twice? i'd be willing to bet money it's because he doesn't want to make the family travel twice b/c it's silly.

since your date is already set, suggest to your brother that he set his a few days away from yours so you each get your special day but don't put the family bankrupt trying to celebrate it with you. chances are, if you insist on his date being months away from yours-not everyone will show up to both which could cause hurt feelings.

hope this helps!!!