Contacting my X-Husband Should I ?

Question

16 years ago my husband and I divorced we had 2 children together.I was so hurt I moved a very long way away.I started a new life, tried other relationships,they never worked out.He re-married and is now divorced.After 16 years, I've moved back home.I want to contact him but am scarred.In the past 2 years I discovered I still love him no matter how hard I tried to forget him,it just don't work.

Answer 1

It's been 16 years.  You AREN'T in love with him.  You might be in love with the IDEA of being in love with him, and that's very very different.

Your marriage ended for a reason.  You have no idea whether or not he's the same person he used to be.  You have no idea if he's learned how to be a good husband (I doubt it, since he's had another marriage fail).  You don't even know if the two of you would ever get along, because YOU aren't the person you used to be.

If you want to be friendly with the man, that's one thing.  But if you walk in with the intention of being in love with him, you're handing him power to hurt you.  Emotionally healthy people move on with their lives when a break-up happens.  And years down the road, if an ex comes back into the picture, an emotionally healthy person knows that their relationship has to be made all new.  There is no "love" hanging around from 16 years ago, because healthy people moved past it a LONG time ago.

Get some counseling to find out why you think you need him so much before you go jumping right back into the same problems you had 16 years ago.

Answer 2

Well, there is so much missing from this question...

Like - did you take the kids from him, etc...?

All you can do is contact him and go from there.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well Book Shop coined it and said pretty much what I would have told you ,,,,Gad !! ,,,, She stole my thunder lolol ,,,,Anyway she's got my vote ,,,, Give her reply serious consideration ,,,, I would only add that he's in your past for a reason ,,,, Think about that and keep him there ,,,,

The only thing I don't concur with Book Shop on is the counseling ,,,, You were smart enough to divorce him in the first place ,,,, I don't think you need expensive counseling to eventually figure out whether to stay away from him or not,,,, Just use your head and common sense to see the big picture and the bottom line ,,,, Your brain is your only shield or protection against mistakes ,,,, //