Could you perchance call this?

Question

a quatern? It's my first.

"Convulsis Vox"

Give me another day to sing,

another day to just rejoice.

Let flights of fancy take their wing,

before my life removes my voice.

To every god I cast my plea,

give me another day to sing,

before the notes of laughter flee,

making my words a vicious sting.

The night must come; the night will bring

the ending of the vow I swore.

Give me another day to sing,

I swear I will not ask for more.

But no, my fate is absolute,

my song never again will ring.

For all my crimes I'm rendered mute,

give me another day to sing.

Answer 1

It appears to be something good and sings with a nice meter.

Answer 2

Idoits, are alive and well, such as the first answer was here.

Give me another day to sing, Once again of so many times you write an absolute, in depths of heart words of perfection,

to express feelings of joy, agnoy, and hope. Kudos

Answer 3

This is almost great. The third stanza went south on me. I think 'swore' was too much of a change. Still, good meter and natural rhyme.

Answer 4

Whatever you call it, I'll take two.

Answer 5

first, reading for what it is...it's a good thing to be.

liked it. it has music in it. :)

second, picking up all this technical stuff.

thirdly,(lol) go back to the song.

singing!

Answer 6

This is a very good quatern and I absolutely love the the refrain "give me another day to sing"  Just beautiful.  However, I'm with TD in that there is something about the rhyme sound in 'swore and more"...it broke the flow for me.

Aside from that, the content is lovely and it is well written.

Answer 7

Ignore the first answerer..a snake with 2 legs and no brain.

I don't know the names to most poetic forms, but I can read 4 good stanzas of very thoughtful poetry.

Answer 8

Shall I translate the title, Voice to Those Who are Wrenching Something Away?  The effect of the `plea' falling down through the stanzas till it falls out of the poem, and the song ends, is an amusing and effective way to enact the subject of the poem: I nearly thought a good flippant translation may have been, Song of the s***w.  (I also admit my brain perversely wants to read the ablative plural as some kind of genitive; we call this disease addicted to macrons.)

`To every god I cast my plea' is a good use of the word `cast,' and a classical reader would call this type of plea insincere, as is necessarily the bereft plea of one abandoned by his gods.

As a few other readers, I have a little bit of difficulty with the first three of the fourth lines, but I am not much bothered by swore/more, and certainly not by line 10.  Perhaps I see what Sptfyr sees in line 12: but I wonder if the issue is metrical; the line is perfectly iambic but open to this appealing misreading: -`--`--`.  As an experiment, to me, any sound-problem with the line goes away when reordered in this more iambic and highly unpleasant manner: `I shall not ask I swear for more.'

The lines here which I feel are much clumsier than your norm, though, are `just,' in line 2 (I think somebody mentioned this); `before my life removes my voice,' `making my words a vicious sting--,' `for all my crimes I'm rendered mute,' and, in fact, `I swear I will not ask for more,' not only because I think it makes you sound like Oliver Twist asking for food: what these lines have in common is perhaps a measure of stridency which I think you have already captured in more subtle and effective ways.  Likewise, all the swearing and vowing and especially the talk of fate sounds, to my ear, a bit needlessly Invictusy, when you have, I think, already mastered and o'er-captained your readers.

There is actually a similar tension in a song from the musical The Miserables with the refrain, `one day more' -- at least among the girls in the song; I mention it in case it may interest you to see how a corporate scop handled a similar theme.  (In the book there was tension about wanting another day to sail to England... I don't remember the musical all that well and I am not sure how well exactly that is captured in the song.)

Answer 9

Another one blocked. I'm sick of this c**p. I reported him too.

Oh, sorry! Great job, though I'll have to look up quatern....

Answer 10

Excellent quatern. I personally like to avoid the word "just;" I feel it is a word without power. You need the syllable in there, but I am sure you can find a stronger word. Also, "swore" with "vow," is a bit redundant. I am holding you to very high standards here. Your poem is wonderful and it sings.