Cousin has very poor hygiene?

Question

So - I have this really friendly and nice cousin that I'd like to hang out with more.

But I feel so bad - I am sort of embarrassed to be with her. And I can't stand feeling like this.

She is 20 years old and has a fantastic body and could be a stunning girl... but, she has hygiene issues. She lives at home and her mom has to force her to shower - she never brushes her hair and it is a bushy mess. She wears only t-shirts and old pajama pants with holes. But the worst is - she has horrible acne, all over her face and body. She doesn't seem to care and neither does her mom.

It's not just a phase - she has always been like this. I think most people suspected she would grow out of it but she never did.

She is such a nice girl, but I just don't know what to do...?

Answer 1

Maybe suggest going for make overs, get your hair done together and get facials. Maybe afterwords...with your new looks....go clothes shopping and find new outfits. Then you will be ready for a night on the town. She apparently has never had anyone really just spend some time with her and she needs someone to help her learn to focus on these aspects for her own health. Don't say you are doing this for her to get her to go with you, just say you think it would be fun and make it seem like it is something that you want to do and hope that it would be something she could share with you.

Answer 2

It's good that you see her for what she truely is:  a friendly nice person that you enjoy spending time with.  If at 20 years old she is still not concerned about her appearance, there is nothing you can do to change that.  Enjoy her for who she it.  

Answer 3

I may have some insight on this one.  A former graduate school roommate who became a dear friend over time had horrible scarring on her face and body from acne she'd suffered as a teenager.  She still had occasional zits even in her 30s, but most of the damage had been done earlier.  She looked almost like she'd been burned over the face, arms, and legs (possibly elsewhere, but I wasn't privy to that).  If she used makeup very skillfully she could disguise the scars and look really good.  But she felt so bad about her appearance and had so little self esteem in that area she didn't put forth the effort.  You see, she would look in the mirror after a makeover and still feel as ugly as before.  So why go to the effort?   She has to change on the inside before she'll want to change on the outside.  There are procedures a dermatologist could use to lessen the scarring, but until she feels good about herself and sets aside all the years of verbal abuse from other kids, it won't happen.  Maybe your cousin has similar issues?

Answer 4

Lead by example. Then leave it alone. Rinse and repeat.