Question:

Critique please??

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

I've been told I have one more day to live,

Yes, one day till I must go

Strangely, I do not fret

I know what I am to do in my final hours

I get up from bed,

And look at the clock to see the time I have left,

It's 5 AM and I woke up just in time

I get dressed and shower

I walk into the kitchen and see everyone waiting for me,

Their eyes are swollen and puffy from the bawling,

My mother's face has pink around her eyes and a worried, very worried look on her face

It didn't even take any words for them to get up

We entered the car and started to drive, I looked out the car window

I paid very close attention to every place, ever person we passed by,

It was the last time I'd see them and this place I call home

I was numb, emotionless at the time, I cried though

I shut my eyes for one second,

And all my memories just came back all of a sudden,

It was my life that I saw, from beginning to end,

I opened my eyes quickly because it was too much to inhale

That's when it occurred to me,

How will I be remembered? Will I be forgotten soon?

Have I told everyone that I love, that I love them?

Was I a good person? Did I change someone's life? How have I affected people?

That's when I grabbed my mom's cell phone,

I called my family members and let them know how important they are to me,

And how special they each were,

I cried when I finished calling, I cried because that's the last time we'd ever talk

We hurried into the airport and barely made it onto the plane,

We were going to Texas,

Why the h**l does anyone go to Texas when it's their last day to live?

I just have to see the girl I love, just one time at least, just one time

She's supposed to be there at the airport you know,

I can't wait to see her, the girl of my dreams

I can't wait to look into those amazing eyes of hers,

And just hug her and not let go

She's all I thought about on the plane,

What was I to say? What should I do?

These questions haunted me the whole flight

It made me a slight bit nauseous just thinking about it

I've never been on a plane before,

Too scared of heights but I didn't seem to care at the moment,

I guess that's one accomplishment huh?

I faced my biggest fear of all, heights, for the girl I love so dearly

We're here! Here at last!

And it's only 10 AM!

There's so much time,

And so much to do

My heart is beating so hard and rapidly,

That I feel like my heart is going to bust out any second

My hands become sweaty and I feel like I can't stand still for more than 5 seconds

My chest is getting cold strangely and my breathing rate is slowly increasing

I walk out the plane and search the place,

Where can she be? Maybe she's late

Wait, is that her?

It must be, I call out her name and she looks back at me

For the first time, I get to actually see into those eyes I've been dying to see

We run up to each other but don't do anything else, we say hi but nothing else is said or done

I become more nervous because she does not know that today is my last day

I know not to tell her, so I put a smile on and hug her tightly

As we hug for what seemed for an eternity I whispered the 3 words I've been dying to tell her,

I love you

She smiles and whispers back,

I love you too

We let go kind of embarrassed really since our parents were around,

"Where to?" They asked

"The beach" I answered back

We separated with our families and left towards the closest beach, Galveston Island

Once we arrived there, it was lunchtime,

So we brought out large blankets and lied them down on the sand,

Took out two wooden baskets and passes out sandwiches and chips to everyone

Her and I, were on our own blanket eating together

Strangely, it wasn't so awkward after all,

After some time passed, we started talking more and more just like on the Internet

We walked around the beach holding hands and just talking,

Before we knew it, sunset was coming soon

I grabbed her hand and started running back to where our blankets and belongings were

We just sat there in awe, looking at the sunset

Then it struck me, this is the last time I'll even see the sun,

I suddenly became worried and frightened knowing my time was almost up

She noticed the sadness in my eyes and the worried look on my face

She asked what was wrong, and I told her the truth

Her gorgeous blue eyes watered up and she looked away

This was it, this was the end, I felt my body becoming weaker every second

I told her something, something very important,

I said, I want you to be happy, to move on eventually but to always carry me in your heart somewhere

The most important thing in life is to be happy, love others, and receive love from others

Yes it is

Family comes before work,

Before money,

Before school,

Family always comes first

We didn't speak the rest of the time, it was all just silence but I felt her love

It was nighttime now and her head was on my shoulder and we gazed upon the stars

I looked at her and she looked at me, I didn't even need to say the words,

Before I could say anything, she said, I love you too

I kissed her softly on the forehead and said everything is going to be okay,

She hugged me tightly and said, I know, I know it will

I slowly drifted into sleep, I could no longer keep my eyes open

I felt something on my lips and I knew she had kissed me, she whispered to me,

There will always be a place for you in my heart

 Tags:

   Report

1 ANSWERS


  1. interesting poem, quite romantic.

    Perhaps you could write it all in the tense you've written this:

    "There will always be a place for you in my heart."

You're reading: Critique please??

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 1 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.