DIVORCE question - I love my wife.?

Question

I really don't want a divorce.

I love my wife more than anyone i've ever loved before. I can't imagine life without her.

I had divorce papers yesterday. I want to speak to her about it but she's changed all of her contact details. We live 170 miles apart and I can't drive. I know that if I went there I would get turned away.

We have 10000's of little, petty arguments which get blown out of all proportion. Another one caused her to go for a divorce. I have always been faithful to her even though I spent a over a year getting accused of cheating.

My question is :

Is there anything I can do? I really want us to be together but she won't communicate with me.

What can I do?

Answer 1

i'm not a psychiatrist!

Y r u depending on answers from Yahoo?

Answer 2

Commication is crucial in a relationship, I can relate to you, because my wife does not communicate properly, she talks in parables.. Only advice I can tell you is to let her know how you feel about it and teach her how to communicate with you so that you guys are on the right page.

Answer 3

maybe its time for you to do what u think is right instead of hoping that your wife will not continue with the divorce i know what it feels like cause i have just been through one myself if she realy has changed her contact details then maybe u should take the hint to leave her alone and move on i know its not easy but time heals  

Answer 4

about time she got shot of you. she seeing things clearly again now.

Answer 5

For what you are saying, I am afraid that she doesn't love you.  I know you can get on with people, but sometimes as friends, not lovers.  That used to happen to me with my ex-husband.  We were the best of friends, but we could not be lovers, it was too much and I realised I didn't love him anymore.

You should probably just get on with your life and start afresh!

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

this may not help but you don't have to sign the papers.  speak to your lawyer he may mediate between you 2

Answer 7

Figure out if you have a future together. If you can see a vision of it, then see if you can track her down- by giving her friends/family a letter to send to her. Be honest in that letter, and if she gets back in touch go for counselling. If you cant contact her that way, get a solicitor involved and see if she is willing to go for mediation

Answer 8

hmmm Paul.

  It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship going on with her at the moment.

you have to think hard about what it is that makes you want to stay in a marriage where you don't see each other or speak to each other.

You do need to talk to each other so i would ignore the papers and wait for her to contact you and give you opportunity to ask questions and have a say in all of this.

Marriage isn't only about being faithful.  It's about understanding each other, loving each other and most of all communicating and being best friends - but it's got to work both ways. If any of those things are missing in a relationship it won't work. You might be willing to give it another go, but if she isn't then i would say get out of it and get on with your own life and find someone who will love and appreciate you, share your life, and have fun.

Hope things work out. Good luck. x

Answer 9

I'm really sorry but I don't think there's much you can do here. I mean if you try and find your wife and communicate with her, she'll probably take drastic measures to stop you. Besides if she's serious enough to ask for a divorce, and to go through with it, there isn't much you can do to change her mind. As unfortunate as it is, she's probably just moving on. You'll move on too, though it might take a long time, and you'll probably find someone who you fall in love with and you think is a million times better than your wife.

Answer 10

You sound like a good man. You should send her a final letter include the good times that gets clouded by arguments. Tell her you want to fight for her and why and divorce is not the answer, counselling is a must. No matter who you are with you will have conflict but its how you handle it that makes the difference. I hope she comes back to you and if she does I hope you don't disappoint her.    

Answer 11

If she's not willing it's time you give it up.... A relationship/marriage is supposed to be 50/50. You can't force her and she doesn't want to communicate with you... You can find someone better, good luck

Answer 12

you might not think this is a idea but try going on jeremy kyle show and proving ur innocence! i don't really know what else to suggest! otherwise try and move on and find another girlfriend there are plenty more out there! I'm sure u would get over her sooner or later!

good luck xx  

Answer 13

Those petty arguments take a toll on a relationship.  Maybe you should have spent less time arguing and more time talking about it, or just agreeing to disagree before she filed for divorce.  

In my experience, it seems like you can tell a man a thousand times that you are getting tired of putting up with something, but it never hits until you actually decide to leave him and it is too little to late then. She has already moved on in her mind long before she left, and it is just over no matter what he tries to do.  

I don't know if that was your situation, but it has certainly been my experience.  Think back to the arguments and ask yourself if they were really necessary, or could you have compromised or just agreed to disagree.  Maybe you will learn that when arguing becomes the major part of a relationship, then there is a big problem that must be resolved, BEFORE it is too late.

The treats, about leaving, that she was making were calls for you to change, but you did not.  She was trying to point out the importance of you changing, but it never dawned on you that she would actually do it.  You should have been listening.

You are just going to have to accept that it is over, if she is not willing to try to work it out.  Good Luck.

Answer 14

Paul, you write very well and have communicated your feelings very sensitively here.  Obviously none of us know what you or your wife have been through or what outside interferences there have been, but my advice to you would be to to do the following:

If you love her, and it certainly sounds as though you do; then fight for your marriage.

Write a long long letter to her, tell her you have received the papers but you can's sign them until she hears how you really feel one last time and you would never forgive yourself if you just signed away something you think is worth fighting for.

In your letter you need to be honest - admit that there were problems, don't make any excuses but offer solutions.  Maybe you could talk more, or go to some sort of marriage counselling together, it will mean a lot to her to know that you admit that the problems existed and that you do not deny them or blame them on other people (EVEN IF THEY ARE THE FAULT OF OTHER PEOPLE).

Try not to involve anyone else in your letter...don't refer to her mother, or the woman at work or whoever has been poking their nose into your lives...just say, 'this is about us...no one else...'

Tell her you understand her being reluctant to meet up, and that you are scared too, but that you love her and you wish you had worked on your marriage before it got to this stage.  Apologise.

But this will be the hard bit....you need to tell her at the end of it all that if after reading your letter she really believes that divorce is the only answer, then you will sign the papers because you want her to be happy, and will respect that.  Ask her to respond to your letter and tell her you promise to listen to whatever she has to say.

It's only a small life-line as it is late in the day now, but it is a chance...I really hope it works out well for you both and that you can save your marriage.

Write the letter, put your heart and soul into it - you're a good writer.

Take care

Answer 15

Why not tell her all of this instead of Y/A.  How often did you tell her that you love her.  You don't say what all the petty little tiffs were about - were they over anything you could do to make things better? If you know where she is go there with your "cap in hand" and try to persuade her to go with you for counselling to try and sort things out before taking the drastic step of divorce.  She is probably hurting as much as you are and having been there myself I hope everything goes OK for you both.

Answer 16

Hunny, she is wanting a break she doesnt want to be with you and as harsh as that is you'll have to accept that, if she has gone to all the trouble of having papers drawn up then there seems no way back for you two get some counciling and chat with people around you, its not going to be easy but you will be ok xxxxx

Answer 17

Ummm hunny , she moved , changed all her contact details so you could NOT find her isnt that enough of a clue? I know your in pain and suffering but seriously you need to quit just apply for the divorce it'll go ahead anyway and find yourself get a hobby a new job travel but dont stalk the chick good luck.

And for your own sake get some help for that anger management I mean seriously your here asking for advice then stating quite counter productively and rudely about other people keeping their F/ing noses out of your business ? keep that up and you'll get a room free board 3 meals a day and a gym / shower buddy hey.

Answer 18

not much you can do from what your telling me.after being served papers it takes a few months before you actually go to court.in which  some people change their mind when they realize whats actually going on.but she accusing you of cheating usually means she was or is the one doing it.so don't be surprised if you do go see her there is a guy there.