Dark Poem for you?

Question

Darkness feels my every pore

hatred and wrath encrust my soul

I look for ways to even the score

to bring my self out of this endless hole

Punish them all he says to me

Everyone deserves it, on their knees

they'd do it to you, got to do it to them

never again let them see the light

grab with anger and hold on tight

Never regret it, until you get caught

replinish your soul, we evil bought

no one undestands you, no one ever will

so instead of living just kill kill kill

ps.

i don't feel this way at all, but i just like to be able to show a diversity of poerty, instead of the people that always right about pretty kittys.

peace

Answer 1

well it is dark and depressing but its oh so very good. keep writing....

Answer 2

It's a bit forced, and you need to learn to spell. 'Darkness fills my every pore' would be a better 1st line. How about...?

Cold darkness fills my ev'ry pore,

  I live to even up the score.

Hatred and wrath encrust my soul,

  freeing me from this endless hole.

A voice cries "punish them" to me,

  and force them down on bended knee.

They'd do you in, so do them first,

  and prod and poke them 'til they burst.

Withold from them the shining light -

  grab with anger and hold on tight.

Never regret it, don't get caught,

  and sell your soul, it cost you nought.

None understand, none ever will -

  to h**l with life...just kill, kill, KILL!

This revision is far from perfect, of course, but it perhaps gives you something to work from.

Answer 3

i thougth.. it was a beautiful piece. True art that came from the soul. Congrats on your awesome poem!

Answer 4

Yes, it is quite good. finally someone who writes poetry that rhymes. There are so many on here that don't understand what poetry really is. Anyone can write down just words but it takes talent to make those words read in a poetic way to come together as a story while you are reading them. You, no matter how dark your poem was. Have the talent to do that You know, it would also make a good heavy metal song too..

Answer 5

Theres a couple of lines you failed to ryme correctly, maybe this is something you can work on, but I love the consept.