Dealing with unsolicited parenting advice?

Question

How do you deal with unsolicited parenting advice? Does it differ if it's family or strangers?

My MIL is driving me crazy because she can't be around me for an hour without criticizing something I do (You'll spoil the baby if you pick her up every time she cries, are you sure you have enough milk, it seems like she eats a lot, she sure is chubby, you must be feeding her too much, you shouldn't let the baby sleep in bed with you or you'll never get her out, etc. etc.) and it's very difficult because I don't really know what to say to her without being rude.

I have also found that random strangers love to give me parenting advice. It seems that people who don't believe in attachment parenting love to tell you how you should just let your baby cry all the time. If I hear "You know what they say, if they're clean, fed and dry, let 'em cry" I am going to snap.

So, how do you politely let people know that you are choosing to raise your child in a different way then they do, and how do you make them understand that it's ok and you aren't going to totally s***w up your child as a result?

Answer 1

You know what there is no nice way to say it. If you find a nice way to say it i guarantee you will have to say it again. Tell them exactly what you said above you are choosing to raise your child in a different way than they do or did. PERIOD. And when you need their help you will ask! If they take it the wrong way good then they will get the message. I have had to put my foot down and tell my sister this is my child. She got the message and for me no more worries!

Answer 2

Serenely smile, say thank you and tune them out.

In the case of your MIL, your are going to have to say, Helen, I appreciate all of the wonderful advice you are giving me about Avery, but didn't you mother/Mother-in-law allow you to learn your own parenting style? Please allow me to learn my own. If you feel that you cannot do this, please write down any comments that you would like to make. Smile politely as you take the comments, glance at them for a second, put them in you pocket, then toss them out later. Ha Ha Ha. But seriously, You will have to have a talk with your MIL and tell her that you have a set way that you are raising your child and too many comments, make you feel uncomfortable.

Answer 3

just say

Thank you but I find that "fill in the blank" works so much better for me.

Answer 4

Everybody has an opinion: When my wife and I had our first child in February, we quickly learned that everyone has an opinion on parenting. And they’re not afraid to offer it! Some of the advice is good, some of it gives you a headache. The key is to be open-minded to listening, but staying focused on what’s important to you and your family. Older generations tend to offer suggestions that were widely used during their time. Typically it will contradict what your pediatrician has suggested. Just thank them for their thoughts, and say we have decided to follow our doctor’s suggestions for now.

They especially wanted to tell us to give the baby water, even though our pediatrician specifically said no water. They never really got the message. Family can be a real pain in the butt.  

Answer 5

Unfortunately I found that the only thing that shut those people was being rude to them.  

Just say, "it's my baby and I can handle it, thanks"

They'll get the hint...eventually.

Answer 6

Just tell them thanks but no thanks and that if you feel you need their advise you will ask for it! That's what I did my mil got upset at first but she got over it!

Answer 7

It makes me more upset when family and inlaws do it. I mean, strangers are either nosy or they actually just want to help. You don't know how they've raised their kids, they might be the best parents on earth.

But when family does it, and you know and have seen how their children have turned out, I really just want to ask, "You're kidding me, right?! YOU are giving someone parenting advice?!"

Sometimes I hold my tongue, but others I can't help but give a sarcastic remark back, luckily most people I know don't get sarcasm (which is funny, and brings my mood back up).

Answer 8

It seems worse to get it from family doesn't it?They never stop sometimes.I try to say it nicely the first few time.Something like-Thanks for the advice but I think I like this way better.Or I plan to do this because I feel more comfortable,but I'll keep that in mind.If after you have said it nicely a few times and they STILL keep on and on-you have every right to step on toes.I have had to tell my mom & mil before.They had kept on and on & I said it nicely several times.I finally just had to be blunt about it.I told them that I didn't need their help & I would figure it out.That this was my child & I was going to raise him the way I wanted to.As far as I am concerned when it comes to my choices raising my child-my husband & I are the ONLY ones that have any kind of say in it & are opinions are the only ones that matter..Sometimes you just gotta be bold if the don't take the hint nicely..

Good luck & Congratulations :).She is a doll..