Decided to adopt?

Question

My husband and I just decided we would like to adopt a child who will soon be 10 yrs old. Since my children are grown, I cant remember a few things, Like for instance would this child be to young to leave at home alone ( not at first of course) I know with each child the level of responisiblity each child has is diffrent.

Answer 1

In my state the law is 12 years old.  A good book for adopting an older child is "Parenting the Hurt Child".  I would concentrate on meeting the emotional needs of this child.  Research and talk to others about older child adoption and how emotional needs, attachment issues, and developmental needs intersect in an adopted older child.  A good website:http://www.informedadoptions.com/

Answer 2

Actually, some states now have laws that say what age they can be left alone...I think the youngest is 9 and the oldest is 13...obviously you're not going to want to leave him/her alone until he/she adjusts, but 10 could be a decent age...most children who are adopted as an older child are either super responsible (in which case you'd be fine) or incredibly irresponsible because they've been mistreated and have trust issues...and you'll be able to tell pretty quick how this child is.  Good luck and congrats!

Answer 3

Considering adoption and already making plans to leave the child at home alone?

Children at age 10 are not old enough to leave alone, and by law cannot be.  A child who has been in foster care due to abuse or neglect should certianly not be left alone at all.  

And you don't adopt a child based on statements like "will soon be 10 years old".  You cannot be that specific, nor should you be.  That shows you may have tight expectations about your child.



Please, for this child's sake, think about the issues you are asking about.

Your child will need someone at home for guidance.  If you are thinking that school will be starting soon and wondering if you can leave the child at home after school, this is not a good idea at all.  Adopting an older child takes much more time and commitment than a newborn!  There will be therapy, rebellion, testing limits, boundary setting, etc.  This will take your time, your attention, your patience, your guidance, your work.  You cannot adopt an older child and then drop them off at school and then have them care for themselves after school.  Why not leave them where they are if this is the plan?

Think about a good after school program, where they have kids to play with, supervision, help woth homework, a place to play.  

Rethink this.  You need to have a caring a committed adult (not a babysitter) at home with this child.  Then maybe after a year, if things are going well, and the child is mature and responsible,and comfortable, you can consider other arrangements.

And remember, children who have gone through trauma and foster care are oftern emotionally immature and developmentally delayed due to all the energy and time they have had to shift to survival.  This is not a child who needs to be left alone.

I hope I have given you some things to think about.  Good luck with the adjustments you make!  And good luck with your adoption!

Answer 4

im sure after you dopt this child  you wont want to leave him or her home alone for a while. Just because he is getting used to a new hom and what not, maybe try leaveing him or her alone after a year or so...?

Answer 5

yes after a few months you should be able to leave him or her home alone. my brother is 8 almost 9 and he stays home for about an hour after school by himself until my sister gets there. I wouldn't leave him or her home by themselves at night though. it can get scarier for younger children when it is dark outside. So if it is still light out i would say that it's ok for up to 2 hours and if you have a neighbor that can check in that your child feels comfortable with then you could be gone longer. good luck.

Answer 6

Are you by any chance asking the question because you wonder about how childcare is going to fit in with everything?  Staying at home while you run out to the corner drugstore and come back again within 15 minutes is hugely different than coming home to an empty house every day after school.  You would definitely need to have some supervision for him while you were gone at work.

I agree with other posters that you would want to wait a LONG time before leaving the child (who has already lost at least one set of parents) alone.

Answer 7

I think in our state it's not legal for a child under 12 to be left alone.  If a child is under 12 (but close to it) and a social worker quizzed him/her about emergency situations & they responded appropriately, they'd probably give a pass to the situation.

Even at 12 it depends on the child.  My 13 y.o. probably could have been left at home alone long before now.  My 9 y.o. may be way beyond 12 before we can leave her alone.  Our 17 & 15 y.o. boys were ok alone when they were about 13 & 15.

Probably by the time your child is 12 he/she could be ready.  Often, though, with adopted children, they are younger than their actual calendar years as far as the responsibility they are ready for.

Answer 8

of corse not! I'm 12 and i have been left alone sence i was like 9 . go ahead but do not leave he/she alone when they first arrive.