Do you know any Welsh jokes?

Question

My mate rips me because I'm English, tell me some jokes about welsh people so I can get him back! They can be as rude as you like.

Answer 1

Ok so I'm half welsh but hey

Sheep shagger jokes, the obvious.

Answer 2

The england team's trophy room was broken into last night. Police are looking for a man with a white carpet.

The england manager (dunno who that is) offered to take his team on holiday to Majorca but they wanted to go to Blackpool to see what it was like to ride on an open top bus.

What do you call an englishman mall rolling down a hill? An english roll.

What do you call a group of english sheep outside a house in Cardiff? Lost.

What do you call an englishman who spends half his day with his wife and the other half with his sheep? A sheepshagger.

Sorry. England jokes are funnier.  

Answer 3

Welsh Husbands

A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

'Wonderful, 'replies his mother, 'what part is it?'

The boy says, 'I play the part of the Welsh husband.'

The mother scowls and says, 'Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.' .

Simple really. [Based on a true story]

During the Gulf War, Barney Arkwright was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As he was saying good-bye to his family, his three-year-old son, Simon, was holding on to Barney's leg and pleading with him not to leave. 'No, Daddy, please don't go!' Simon kept repeating.

They were beginning to make a scene when Hazel, Barney's wife, desperate to calm her son, said, 'Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza, Simon.'

Immediately, Simon loosened his tight grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, 'Bye, Daddy.

:

Answer 4

Question. What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Wales.

Answer.   A s*x club.

Answer 5

) What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a Six Nations game?

Waiter.

2) Did you hear about the Valleys girl who wanted to get dirty with her boyfriend?

He took her to a coalmine.

3) What do you call a Welshman with no brain?

Dim.

4) The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew, they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.

“No worries,” Jonah told them, “I’ll join you later and tell you what happened.” After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his team mates the final score – 95-3.

“What?!”, they said, “How did you let them get three points?”

Jonah replied apologetically: “I was sent off with 20 minutes to go.”

5) What do you get if you cross the WRU with an OXO cube?

A laughing stock.

6) Dai and Blodwyn were engaged to be married. Dai was sent by his company to London on a two-week sales training course. The course was fine but the evenings were boring and by the second week Dai was fed up with sitting around in his hotel bedroom and went down to the bar for a few drinks where he met a couple of girls of the night, who enticed him into spending his money.

On returning home Dai’s conscience got the better of him and he broke down and confessed to Blodwyn that he had been unfaithful to her twice.

Blodwyn said she was glad Dai had been so honest – she too had to confess that she had been unfaithful twice whilst Dai had been away... once with the Tredegar Male Voice Choir and once with the Ebbw Vale RFC first XV.

7) An English politician was giving a speech in Aberystwyth. He said: “I was born an Englishman. I have been an Englishman all my life, and I will die an Englishman!”

“What’s wrong, boyo?” shouted a voice from the crowd.“Got no ambition, have you?”

8) What’s the Ospreys and a three pin British electrical plug got in common?

They’re both useless in Europe.

9) Rhys: Doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home.

Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.

Rhys: Is it common?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

10) Cabbie Rhys Parry was taking an American tourist from Bristol to Cardiff. When they were going over the Severn Bridge, the American told Rhys he had a longer bridge on his ranch in Colorado. When they arrived in Cardiff, Rhys showed him Cardiff Castle and he said his garage in Colorado was twice as big and only took a week to build.

When the tourist spotted the Millennium Stadium, he asked Rhys what it was.

He replied: “I don’t know, mate, it wasn’t there this morning

Answer 6

what do you call a welsh sheapherd

a pimp

Answer 7

neil kinncok and the young welsh singers boyfriend gavin p***s for brains