Do you know funny jokes?

Question

the funniest answer wins.

Answer 1

this old man turns 65, and he goes to the social security office to start collecting his checks. well he happens to get the meanest lady in the whole place as his case worker. she says sit down and dont speak til I ask you a ??? and dont cause me any problems, because you will not get any benefits. he says yes maam. okay, first thing I need from you is your I.D. he stands up reaches into his pocket for his wallet, realizing quickly that he forgot it at home. maam I am sorry but I dont have my I.D. it is at my house. she yells, well I have to verify that your of age to get social security benefits so you have to go home and bring your I.d back with you. he says well I dont have much gas in the truck, and I would have to wait in line for another few hours again, and my old legs cant do it a 2nd time in one day. she says, okay I am in a good mood today, but you still have to show me your old enough. stand up and unbutton your shirt, he says why, JUST DO IT. so he unbuttons his shirt, and about half way down, she says thats good enough, with that much grey hair on your chest you have to be 65 or older. so the old man gets back home and he is real happy with himself that he didnt have to go back and through all that trouble again. his wife is sitting on the couch and says hey, why do you have that big ol grin on your face, he replies well I just got social security benefits for unbuttoning my shirt, she says well, you should have dropped your pants, you could have gotten disability payments too.

Answer 2

  Don't Listen to Him

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot

The father explained, No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!

Answer 3

which animals have the best biceps without working out? oh, CRABS.

Answer 4

Hi guess what? our pigs are learning karate. Oh yeah? Why is that?........... We want to have pork chops.

Answer 5

Tell this joke to a guy:



There's three people. The first one says he's got the smallest feet in the world. The second one says he's got the smallest nose in the world. The third one says he's got the smallest (wang, ding dong, you get my point) in the world.

They each look at a book of records. The first one looks through the pages and is shocked to realize he really does have the smallest feet in the world.

The second one gets the book of records and looks through the pages and is also astounded that he really does have the smallest nose in the world.

The third one looks through the book and is amazed that he doesn't have the smallest ding dong in the world, and asks "Who the heck is _________?" ______=The name of the sorry sucker that you told the joke to.

Answer 6

there was this girl who wore a mini skirt and she was at a bus stop. when the bus came and it was her turn to get on she lifted her leg and found out she couldnt reach the step cause her skirt was on too tight so she reached back and unzipped the zipper a little. she she tried again she still couldnt reach the step so embarassed she reaches back and unzippes it some more...she still cant reach the step so she unzips it for the third time...the man behind her sees that she is embarassed and takes her by the waist and lifts her up onto the top step...she turns around and says "how dare you touch me like that!"

so he says "well when you unzipped my zipper three times i thought we were friends