Do you think adoption agencies?

Question

Tell the same things to both expectant mothers and PAPs? For example do you think when a PAP is told the expectant mother was well informed of her ability to choose parenting that the mother was also told she can change her mind? Do you believe that the mother and the PAP are treated equally? Do you feel information is presented in the same light to all involved parties?

Answer 1

Hi Andraya,

No, I do not think adoption agencies tell expectant mothers & PAP's the same thing.  Aside from the belief that adoption agencies are not really necessary in the first place, as long as they do exist, I believe both parties should have separate people representing their best interests.  In fact, I believe someone independent should be appointed to represent the child's best interests as well.

Let's not loose sight of the fact that adoption agency's sole purpose is to make money.  They are a business.  They would not exist without profits.  Having an adoption agency representing everyone is a serious conflict of interest!  

As an analogy, what would you think of a real estate agent who represented both the buyer & the seller?  Especially one whose livlihood depended upon the sale of the home?  Although it's sometimes done, whose interests would be best served?  The agents, of course.  They are in the middle, privy to info from both sides, experienced, the position of power.  They can and do use that position to their advantage.  People who retain their own representatives always fare better.

Adoption agencies are like brokers, they depend on obtaining babies to supply to their customers, the PAP's.  No babies = no business.  If all expectant mothers had their own advisers, business would go down in the adoption agency.  The agency's idea of the best social workers are those who can produce the most income (most completed adoptions) for the business.  No, they will never tell the mothers that!  

I have read where adoption agencies advise PAP's what to say to expectant mothers, how to act, how to write the perfect "Dear Birthmother" letter in order to sway her to relinquish her baby to them.  Along with that comes a hefty profit for the agency.  On the other hand, the conversations when "counselling" the expectant mother focus on pointing out her shortcomings in ability to parent her own child, while emphasizing the superior qualities of the PAP's.  

The mothers are like the manufactures of the product, and agencies will negotiate to serve their own interests and to cater to their ultimate client, the PAP's.  That's part of the reason they fight so hard to keep things as they are, with themselves smack in the middle controlling it all.  If changes were made in the name of fairness to the expectant mothers, their business would come unravelled.  In conclusion, no, they are not treated equally, and I believe those are the reasons why.  Thank you for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 2

Well the agency I had did talk to me about keeping the baby. I don't think that they told me necessarily everything though.

Answer 3

I don't have any experience with private adoption agencies.  I only have experience with state agencies who are dealing with children whose custody is depedent on whether the mother is able to comply with the safely plan.  So my answer may not help you with your particular question.  However, I do think that a lot of dishonesty takes place even in the state agencies.  I don't think it's for the same reason as in the private agencies.  They don't really have anything to gain financially by enouraging the mother to give her up rights.  However, I'm very much afraid that they often say and do whatever makes their job eaiser.  If the a-mom is "persuadable", and they also know that the child would be easily adoptable, I wouldn't doubt that they would ecourage her to sign her rights away.  It saves them a lot of work.  I also think that they can do a little research or a lot of research into b-relatives-depending on how much work they are willing to do, and depending on whether or not they have a child who is easily placeable.  I know for a fact that the worker on my son's case didn't care whether she found out anything about his father or not.  Not knowing about him made her job easier, so she just didn't work hard to find anything out.  Therefore we have almost zero to go on for him.  They have laws and policies to comply with, but there is a lot of room for interpretation!  There are a lot of ways to word things so that they "comply".  And, my biggest sermon of all is the FANTASY they sell to the a-parents that giving this child a loving home will magically erase all the past and there will be rainbows and lollipops from now on.  Whew!  I guess I got that off my chest!

Answer 4

*Tell the same things to both expectant mothers and PAPs?

No.  They are both experiencing different situations.

*For example do you think when a PAP is told the expectant mother was well informed of her ability to choose parenting that the mother was also told she can change her mind?

Well, I would think that the mother knows she can change her mind until the final paperwork is signed...  but the agency could tell either of them anything they want.

*Do you believe that the mother and the PAP are treated equally?

No- because they are both in different situations.

*Do you feel information is presented in the same light to all involved parties?  

Regarding the child and his/her situation I would hope so.  But, there's always a possibility that the infromation is not "in the same light".

Answer 5

Not at all. We went to an orientation for an adoption agency (not the one we are working with) who TOLD us the things that they don't tell expectant mothers - mostly concerning their legal rights. To quote "Of course, none of this is emphasized and some not brought up unless the birth mother specifically requests the information."

I feel strongly that everyone should have all of the information. I don't think "equal" treatment is the right word. I think the process should be more geared towards the expectant mother making this decision - taking care of her, giving her access to resources and counseling, so that she can truly be making an informed decision.

Answer 6

Given the amount of cases a natural mom considered us and then we were told she decided to parent, I think the agency we have used has made the birthmom well aware that parenting is a choice.

I DO know that in my daughter's case, her birht mom truly could not parent another child, but I can't speak for all agencies or all cases.

Answer 7

I work in foster care...it is a mess...trust me you don't want all adoptions going through the red tape and mess of foster care.

What we need is a code of ethics and education for adoption social workers in private agencies.  They don't have to attend the certifications I do so they don't get the information I do.

I'm sure both parties are told the birth mom can change her mind...however it is stressed to the PAP and "mentioned" to the birth parent!

Answer 8

No I do not believe adoption agencies tell the same things to expectant mothers and pap's.  

No.

No.

No.

Wish i could go back into the adoption agencies are good "fog".  Sadly once educated there is no going back.  I believe adoption agencies should be abolished.  Every adoption should go thru foster care here in the USA.

Answer 9

No, they don't.  Which becomes all the more *hillarious*(insert sarcastic tone here!) when there is an open adoption in the works, and the parents are talking to each other.

Let's see.. things they didn't tell our son's mom:  That his name would be changed, that his Birth Certificate would be changed, that his Birth Certificate would be SEALED, that the open adoption would not be binding.... That his SSN could change....

Things they refused to tell us: her last name, her contact information, (all contact should take place through the agency, doncha know!)  Things they did tell us: that we could close the adoption at any time.  How to "handle" a birthmother in the hospital.  How to design a profile so it would be "appealing to birthmothers" (including things like using "cute paper" and scrapbooking ideas.)

This agency, which supposedly supports open adoptions did not give us (ANY of us) any counseling on how to deal with the aftermath of an open adoption.  How to deal with feelings of hurt and loss, how to deal with our baby's grief, how to deal with entitlement issues....

Are we treated equally by agencies... the answer is a resounding NO.

Is the information presented in the same light to all parties?  NO

We took great pleasure in calling the agency out on the discrepancies between what they told us, and what they told her.  Probably had a lot to do with the problems we had with them in the post placement phase.

Answer 10

I think it is dependent on the situation.  In our case, we were working on a private adoption and asked an agency for help because of problems with the state.  The adoption agency worked very well with the bio-family and explained things very thoroughly.  Although I was not at those meetings, the bio-grandparents were and they told us that many times they felt like the agency was trying to talk them into parenting rather than adoption.  When we did all finally meet with the agency to sign the papers, I remember the adoption agency telling the birth parents (and birth grandparents who had legal custody) that they needed to take some time to discuss and make sure this was what they truly wanted to do.  

Do I believe in general that the same information is communicated to both sets of parents?  No.  Do I think that at times the adoption agency can be just as coercive with the PAPs than with the bio family?  Yes.  I know many PAPs who were never told about the time period the state allows the bio parents to change their mind.  I also know that many PAPs are never told that a "disrupted" adoption could occur.  Do I believe that reform is needed drastically?  Yes.

Answer 11

I think everyone is lied to on different levels.

When the social worker asked if I would like to talk to her alone about anything, before I could say, "Yes",  the Amom said, "No". The social worker should have just taken me aside and talked to me. It shouldn't have even been a question. It should be a requirement. I know someone is going to chime in and tell me how I had rights and I should have spoken up, but I was afraid. I needed help. I was very vulnerable.

An adoption agency is there to facilitate adoptions. It would be crazy to think that for one minute that they want to see mothers walk out and keep their babies.

Answer 12

I think it is wrong to include "ALL" agencies in this question. So, my answer is NO, not ALL agencies provide false or hidden information. People here seem to base their answers on their personal opinions, which is fine, however, not at all accurate in my opinion of the overall scenario.