Do you think it is important?

Question

To be married, or at least engaged before having a child?

We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. We're both 19 and living together, I have a good job and we feel we're ready. I just wondered what people's views were on marriage and having children.

Answer 1

You sound mature Happy and stable.

All the ingredients needed for a healthy happy baby.

Good Luck to you both.x

Answer 2

Marriage is just what society wants you to do before. If you feel good about yourself relax bro, enjoy it. Congratulations.  Don't listen to that c**p.

Answer 3

to be honest i come from a very strict backround and it was frowned upon. so because of this reason we did things "the right way round"

so off we went after 4 years of dating and got married and then settled into married life for a further 2 years and then went on to have our first baby,

and to be honest when baby is old enough to realise that they either do not hold mommy or daddy's surname then this is where i think there is confusion, however until this point i don't see there being any need.

if this is not a reason that bothers you then no not really.

rather save the money you would spend to get married and spoil you little bundle of joy(and send mom for a nice back massage!!!)

to be honest in my view if you live together and share responsibilites equally you are as good as married anyway,

this is what makes a marriage along with love and affection and to  be "married" is merely proof on paper!!

good luck for the future,  

Answer 4

No, so long as you are willing to make the commitment marriage should not matter.  

Answer 5

I don't believe in marriage, been with partner for 13+ years, have a 10 year old son and the money that would have been spent on a ceremony done nicely for a mortgage deposit.

Answer 6

I was with my partner for only a year when I feel pregnant with my first. We have now been together 7 years and have 2 kids. Still not married, but very much in love.

Answer 7

i, personally, was married before i had children.

THe only reason i would say that you should be married before hand is so you have the benefits from the insurance. But your girlfriend/fiance can get medical assistance through the state. So it would just really depend on your morals.

Times have changed and the public doesn't look down on someone not being married and having children. The don't look down on single mothers either.  

Answer 8

You don't NEED to be married to stay together. It's jsut like a sense of mind. You know in your head you are married, does it change your relationship?

My parents never married and had 3 kids together, and have stayed together since my Mum was 25.

Answer 9

I dont think marriage is as important as it once was, as long as you are in a stable relationship and commited to one another and the child.

Answer 10

I am strongly against getting married only because someone got pregnant.

If you felt ready for marriage before hand, then great! go for it!

My cousin wasn't married when she had her son. They lived together for 2  years before deciding to get married, now they have a second child, and they're very happy.

Answer 11

If you are positive that you both want to spend the rest of your lives together, then by all means, get married! =) Congrats on the pregnacy!

Answer 12

A baby is not the cement that makes a marriage work.  

I do feel it's important for a child to have both a mom and a dad present in their life, but being married or engaged is not a requirement.  A child is forever, and so is a marriage (or it should be).  Make sure you're in love with the person first.  It's much more detrimental to a child to live in a home where the parents fight and get divorced, than for a child to live in a home with 2 loving parents who are or are not married.

Answer 13

It is good to know that you two are not only devoted long term to the child, but also to the family relationship. Marriage just helps confirm that you two are devoted to stay with each other forever, but that doesn't work if you aren't really in love and devoted to each other forever. Is it important to be married, no. What is important is that the two of you verbally agree to be devoted to the child and get along, discuss parenting together, and not argue in front of the child. Being married is separate and should only be entered into if the two of you feel the same way about each other, totally devoted forever.

Answer 14

A child is a lifetime commitment. You should be married or at least have a wedding date set !i

Answer 15

yeah of course I think you should

I mean if your ready it would be the right thing to do for the child

good luck

Answer 16

I have two children with my bf...my oldest is almost 4 and my second is 6 months...we have only been engaged for a year now..

I don't think it is necessary  

Answer 17

I think the most important things you need for raising a child is love, patience and moral fiber (to pass on to them). I don't think you can get that from a piece of paper.

Answer 18

So many times that is the kiss of death, very easy to get married very hard with bitter times to get out of and very expensive, I think people try harder without a ring.

Answer 19

Hi im my opinion no, as long as you have been together for ages and you know neither of you are going to go anywhere then its fine, as no everyone has the money to get married and not everyone wants to get engaged no matter how much they love that person, even thought now would be a good time to propose anyways lol

I dont think that marring someone because they want children is the reason you marry out of love and then children come later on in my opinion, I hate when people get married just because they are pregnant and they then split up which makes it worse for the child, where as it seems an unmarried couple will probably stay together longer than if they got married.

I just like the fact that when you are married that the child has both your names rather than just the dads and not yours, we are both 21 and married and we have our baby on the way and im glad we will all have the same name etc

But no matter what you decide to do you baby is your baby and as long as you look after him/her together weather you get married engaged or not it doesnt matter.

Congratulations !

Answer 20

Well, Congrats! I hope everything goes well! Back to the question, you really should have been married but if you feel you are ready and you can take care of a baby than i guess it is great! Don't ever abort the baby though because that would be terrible! Good luck in your future life!

Answer 21

Its nice to be traditional sometimes, and this is a time when that is the case - HOWEVER, its your life and your choice.  Not so much of a social stigma these days - so long as you are happy together and happy about the baby, don't worry about it!

Answer 22

being good parents does not mean that you have to be married...look at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt...

Answer 23

get married soon, your child needs to see the commitment when they are old enough to know. they will base that on thier own life !

Answer 24

I think that if you love her and everything, then go for it. I do think it has benefits for the child. However, if you think you will end up getting a divorce or something, you should refrain.

My husband and I got married when I was 5 months pregnant (I am now 9 months pregnant) and I am lucky that we were already planning on getting married anyway.

Good luck!

Answer 25

I still believe in doing things in order, live together,marriage, then children!  If you don't give yourselves enough time together on your own to work out the marriage, you will end up divorced with children!  Who WANTS to put their children through that?

Answer 26

I have 2 children with my boyfriend and we are not married. Having a child with someone is a far greater commitment than anything else in life.

We will get married when we have had all the children we are going to have together and when our children are old enough to be part of the ceremony and old enough to understand so that the day can be about us as a family.

Answer 27

I was unmarried when i fell pregnant first time. My partner and I decided that we weren't going to marry - not because we didn't love each other but because we didn't want people thinking that we were only marrying because of the baby, and we didn't need to marry in order to feel secure with each other.

  We married last year when our daughter was able to walk down the aisle with me, it was a magical day and I am so glad she was involved.

Do what feels right for you.

Answer 28

Completely unrelated, except for religious opinions (which you'll surely get a lot in here).

It's important that you will both love that child, and that you can support her - correspond to her every need. Nothing else.

Marriage or engagement does not imply love, as lots of couples are proof of. For the child, it doesn't matter if you have a legal paper issued by the state or church saying you have X or Y connection between yourselves.

If you love that kid already, that's what's important.

Best wishes

Answer 29

We felt it was important for us to be married before having children. My husband and I made a lifetime commitment to each other before we made one to our children.  

Answer 30

i think you should be married before you have a baby, even if it's a shot gun wedding. then again i'm slightly old fashioned when it comes that.

Answer 31

My friend is married to a horrible woman he hates because they thought it was important to be married for the baby. She refuses to stop smoking in his house, and no one ever wants to come over/have them over because she is such a rude (female dog.)

If you're in love and want to get married, get married. But it's better for a kid to have 2 happy divorced parents than 2 angry married parents who always fight.