Does anyone have some good jokes?

Question

I am always looking for a good laugh so if you can make me laugh, please do.

Answer 1

A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down.

“Sorry, this bar is for people only,” says the bartender.

“Oh, come on,” says the mushroom. “I’m a fun guy!”

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After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes.

My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.

"Why, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother be needing a rental car?"

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After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.

When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"  

Answer 2

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom!

Why shouldn't you **** a dyslexic midget?

Because its not big and its not clever

Answer 3

3 nuns r stittin at a table the 1st nun says 2 the 2nd nun, " I found some pornographic magazines n the pastors study the other day." The 2nd nun said 2 the 1st nun, "Well sister, what did u do with them?" The 1st nun says, " Well i threw them away!" The 2nd nun says," Well, yesterday, I found some condoms n the pastors bedroom." The 1st nun asks the 2nd nun, " Well what did u do with them?" The 1st nun says i poked holes n them." The 3rd nun passed out.