Edit paragraph?

Question

Question Details: There are people around the world who are not as concerned with what they eat, and because of this their health is affected. There are also those who try to maintain a “healthy” lifestyle by being aware of what they eat. Those who want to maintain a healthy lifestyle may consider the question, “Is it healthier to be vegetarian?” For our purposes, “healthy” refers to the sufficient intake of nutrients necessary for proper bodily functioning.

Answer 1

you should say health "may be" affected instead of "is", because there are people who don't think about what they eat but still stay healthy. Other than that, grammatically it's fine.

Answer 2

If you put this in Microsoft word the program will do the editing for you. It gives you suggestions for different words to use instead of the ones you have already used. It also checks for spelling errors.

Answer 3

Grammar? Drop 'as' in the first sentence (as concerned as what or whom?).

Is 'around the world' strictly necessary?

I agree, 'may be' rather than 'is'

I would join sentences 1 and 2 with a semicolon, rather than making them two separate sentences; that way your paragraph is not just a series of short sentences.

If I were writing the paragraph, it would read:

'There are people who are unconcerned about what they eat, and because of this their health may be affected; there are also those who are aware of what they eat and who try to maintain a 'healthy' lifestyle.Those who want to maintain a healthy lifestyle may want to consider whether it is healthier to be a vegetarian (for our purposes “healthy” refers to the sufficient intake of nutrients necessary for proper bodily functioning).'