Emotionally Abused... Am i wrong?

Question

I have been on and off with my 7th grade love for years now, he is now my son's father which is 7 months old. He was very emotionally abusive and manipulative and controlling. I loved him so much alot of things I let myself get used to and thought he was just being sincere. I wasnt allowed to wear makeup, wear contacts, no cell phone, wasnt allowed to carry any money, drivers licence, etc etc etc. THIS LIST GOES ON. If i looked at other men walking by in public areas is was a huge issue !! Fighting all night, day after day, night after night. I left him and came back several times. I loved him so i put up with it! and i still till this day go back and forth! Am i stupid? AM i wrong to continue? He says he will change but after months of not taking and supposedly changed man, when we get back together everything is the same. Some say when i go to him and leave again cuz of his bull, Im the one who is wrong cuz he is upset or crying, Should i feel sorry for him and should i be the one is wrong when ultimatley it is his fault that i left cuz of his c**p??? so confused!!!!!

Answer 1

hes a stupid manipulative controlling prick that think about himself and hes trying to make you feel guilty for things he does to you.Which is wrong and yes your very foolish for going back and forth after all the hurt hes put you through it complicates things that he is the father of your baby but i say you tell him its over for good dont talk to him tell him he can see his son sometimes and thats it nothing else why will youlet yourself be hurt like that all the time you dont need that kind of a lifestyle and from the sounds of it you deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

He is the King of Manipulation. Have more repect and love for yourself. I don't think your son should be around him.

Answer 3

You are confuse because you want to honey, now this is what it is, he is abusive and you take his c**p you leave, he cries and then you come back... Can you honestly live the rest of your life like this? That crying is nothing but him manipulating your decision of leaving his sorry a$$ You need to stick to your choice of leaving him because this man has gone beyond controlling. You are not a child, you are an adult who is to tell you when to wear make up, or when can you get money or use a cell phone? You have to get mad honey you have to get on top of this and say, you know what? I live my life the way I want to and go to h**l go find your self another child like woman to see your every need, and mean it. You may see that he would change the way he looks at you now, only you can get your self out of this one, you have to do it so don't dwell on it act now. Good luck.

Answer 4

He is too controlling.  He is never going to change.  My advice is to leave and never entertain the thought of going back.  And don't feel sorry for him.  It's all his fault.

Answer 5

No you are not wrong. Youve given the guy plenty of chances to chnge but he never really does so how much are you supposed to put up with and when does enough become enough. I think time has more than come for you to be happy again and move on past this guy as hes way too jealous and controlling and thats not fair to someone as special as you. Dont feel sorry for him because youve gone way past enough for him to change and he doesnt and probably never will either. Take your son, file for legal custody which you will get along with child support and then file for supervised visits for Dad due to his anger, and move on and find your real Prince Chrming who will treat you for the special person you truly are. Good luck

Answer 6

it's not your fault, if you don't want to be treated that way, then leave the relationship.

Answer 7

Get away and DO NOT go back.  He will never change!

Answer 8

He will never change!!! Get out while you can because guys like this will not stop at emotional and verbal abuse.

Everyone here is giving the best advice that you will ever get. I just want to add one thing..think of your child! If you can't do it for yourself, do it for him because if you don't your son will grow up to be him!

Answer 9

I am sorry to say that, though you may love this man with all of your heart, his constant actions make him unworthy of that love.

His apologies are only his way of getting you back under his control, and only last long enough to have you back under his thumb. He doesn't love you per se, he loves the fact that he can (and does) manipulate you. That gives him a sense of power over you, making him feel superior - filling some emotional void in him, which is an endless black hole - and you give that to him by accepting him back into your life over and over again.

He knows that your love ties you to him, and he's not above using that to get what he wants. But that's not the same as loving you back.

You need to take care of yourself and that little one. That should be your first priority. Believe me, his first is himself.

Answer 10

The only wrong thing you've done is to keep on taking him back.  Close the door on this one for good.  Besides being bad for you, it's a very bad atmosphere (and example) for your son.  Get away from him and find someone who is not a manipulative control freak.  You and your son deserve so much better.  What are you waiting for?  Get out of there already!

Answer 11

I was with a man like that for 20 years and I will tell you right now that he will NEVER change ! Mine was not as bad about makeup and all that carrying ID , but it was worse in other places . He would always promise to change year after year , time after time , and he never changed and things only got worse . He always said it was my fault right up to the day he died !

Do you really want to spend the next 20 years feeling like you are worthless and have your son grow up thinking this is the way to act?? You really need to get away from him and find yourself first and then find a man who will respect you and love you . Remember this , it is not something in you that makes him the way it he is it is something withing Him and until HE is ready to change , nothing will ever change  only get worse!! PLease get out now before he harms you or your child because it will escalate . Mine got to the point of holding a gun to my head and I was still stupid and came back because he cried and promised and cried some more !!  Please do not waste any more time with this person . There are good men out there who treat women with respect and love , I know because I found one and you can too .

I wish you good Luck and May God Bless you and your son .

Answer 12

you are emotionally abused and you will continue to be unless you decide enough is enough and leave him for good. if you don't you will spend the rest of your life a slave to this man, never find real love, never have a fulfilling life and in the end he will leave you for good when you are old and no one else will want you. I saw this happen to a woman in my family. she was left penniless and old and lonely and had nobody, no love, the kids left the country and never visited her, health problems. now she cries on her wasted life but it's too late.  

Answer 13

Just read your own post up to the second period and you tell me.

Answer 14

You have admitted that you are in an abusive relationship.  There is no difference between emotional and physical abuse.  You need to realize that you deserve better than this in a relationship.  You have given all you can and tried to give him chances to change and he hasn't.  By continuing to return to him you are just enabling him and essentially telling him that his actions are ok as long as he is sorry.  There comes a point where sorry is not good enough and I think you may have reached that point.  Remember, he is responsible for his own actions, not you.