Estranged parent /child

Question

I had a daughter in my first marriage. I got divorced 10 years ago when my daughter was one. Since the divorce the mother hasn't let me see my child. I didn't do anything wrong, she just said that she wanted to start a new life and excluding me from my daughter's life was part of her plan. She didn't want any loose ends.

My child is now 11. I found her email address by searching the internet and I emailed her. She sent me an email back saying "Daddy I love you and miss you so much". I think she will only have seen me in photos; she certainly won't remember me from when she was one. Anyway, she also asked me why I have been absent for her life all these years. I told her the truth.

She did not write to me after that, just a brief email saying that she had got my emails and that she would write later. That was six months ago and I have heard nothing. My daughter obviously told her mother that I had contacted her and the mother will have told her God knows what lies about me to stop her from writing to me.

My question is to the children of fathers whom they did not see in their childhood and about whom the mother has told bad things. Did you reunite with your father? If so, what made you do it. And how did you feel if you found out that your mother had lied to you throughout your childhood.

Also, to fathers who have reestablished contact with their children later in life, how did you do it? Did you contact the child(ren) or did they contact you?

Answer 1

When I finally went to look for my Father he had passed away and I was broken hearted. All the stories that everyone told me were true but that did not matter to me. I was 23 and I still wanted my Dad. I always did even at 11.My heart today is still broken because my Dad did not even try to find me. Go to her make things right she needs you. Im now 39 and have tears in my eyes because even today and I think always I still wish I had my Dad.Dont let anyone stand in your way even her Mother because all that matters is her and trust me she wants you in her life there is just one thing standing in her way. It will mean the world to her to know that you have tried and trust me when your daughter can get to you she will.God bless both of you.

Answer 2

You shouldn't have let your ex exclude you from your daughter's life in the first place.  As a parent, its your right to fight for your child, which includes legally ensuring in a court of law that you get visitation rights if you are not a custodial parent.  You should never had let her go without having fought for her in the first place.

Answer 3

Where you helping to support her all of these years? You didn't mention it in your question. Quit worrying about what the mother has told her, it's all a waste of energy. You need to see for yourself. Try to contact the mother first if she is still unreasonable, your should seek legal assistance.  

Answer 4

I don't think that is legal how she didn't let you see your own daughter. Unless you gave up she couldn't have take her from you. You probably can get visitation rights to see her. Maybe your daughter wants to write back but her mom won't let her. It's hard not to make assumptions, but just hope for the best. I'm sure if you call your ex and ask to see your daughter she might let you. If not, call a lawyer and go to court. There's no way for her to keep your kid from you. I'm most positive your daughter wants to meet you and see you. Maybe at first she could come for a few hours until you get to know eachother better.

Answer 5

You should drive over to the house and have a talk with the mother.

Answer 6

well

i just turned 17 a few days ago

and i've been thru quite a bit heh

it sounds to me that ur ex-wife is trying to deny things of her past to protect her child

and from what you're saying i think she's irrational

but then again i don't know u or ur situation very well at all

ur daughter sounds like she really wants to have a relationship with u

it must kill u not to be able to see her

i think you should keep trying to reestablish with her but possibly stop if the mother tries to take legal action against u

as bad as this might sound

if u do manage to reestablish, keep it a secret

mother is playing games and it's going to be hard not to play the same if you want to contact ur daughter

the best thing will be

when she's 18

and she will be free and can make her own choices

therefore you'll be able to see her as u wish

but that will feel like a very long time

her mother might try to plant bad seeds in her head about u while ur away

which isn't good but could be inevitable

that's why when you do manage to contact her

don't say anything to rude about her mother

that'll only prove whatever points ur ex might have tried to make

also

if both of ur love is true

then when she's grown u guys will meet and it will be the best thing you've lived for

just make sure

to be a mature gentlemen

and not badmouth her mother and cause work ur daughter against u

if she brings up something about u from her mother's words

just kindly explain that it's not true without really dragging her mom thru the mud

you always need to remember

that her mother has spent the most time with her

so it's quite likely that she'll side first with her which is terribly unfortunate

i hope that helps some

i didn't mean to sound blunt

but i wanted to give you the most realistic answer

Answer 7

First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you have an Ex that would put your daughter in the middle of what SHE wants. She wasn't thinking what was best for the child, she was thinking about herself. And 1 year old is a terrible age to pull a child away from a parent, thats when they begin to make close bonds and say 'mama' and "dada." My mother and father divorced when I was only 2. I never remembered my father. My mother never said HORRIBLE things about him, but just that he was a looser and what not. When your young, you don't know what to believe, so you listen to that parent. I met my father for the first time when I was 12. And suprisingly, my mom helped set that meeting up. I didn't know how to act around him and I wish I did, but being so young, it's like your meeting a stranger. But at the same time, I knew that was my father and whatever him and my mom went through, it had nothing to do with him parenting. The difference tho, my father never tried to contact me. I had to make the first move bu asking my mom if I could meet him, and only being 12, it shouldn't have been me to make it happen. Your a good man by searching for your daughter, finding her email and contacting her. No matter what your ex wife tells her, your daughter will make her own decisions. It might not be untill she is a little bit older, but she will. And your ex won't have a say nor influence her. Im sure she will email you back. And it won't hurt to email her. Just a simple Hi to see if she responds. You obviously have more morals than your ex. I am now almost 23 and after starting that relationship with my father, he chose to ONCE AGAIN discontinue it. So now I have NO contact with him, and that is his choice. Not my mother's. Hope this helped your esteem boost up a bit. Don't worry, she'll email you back. =]

Answer 8

I am so sorry for you.  I understand all about the court battlrs it is heartbreaking.  I hope that in time she will be able to reach out to you again all you can do is be there when she does and let her know how much you love & miss her.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I know how unfair this is.  Good luck

Answer 9

O.k., your ex not wanting any loose ends is her right to decide for her relationship with you, not for your and your daughter's.

It's time to talk to a lawyer.

First, decide what kind of relationship you want with your daughter, to what extent (shared or full custody, or merely communication), and proceed from there.

Before you spend too much money, though, call your local Bar Association, and ask if they have question and answer nights or call-ins, so that you can get some idea as to how, and in what direction to proceed, before you start building up billed hours.

Alternately, search online for some of these Daddy websites that support father's rights, and check locally, as well -there may even be support groups that offer the info you need, and can help you sort through your feelings about how you want to rpoceed, and what you want to pursue.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

My mother told me all sorts of things about my father and as I was young and with her, I believed them. I was in my 30's when I finally got a relationship back with him and asked him and he told me his version of events but he has never once said a bad word about her (he was the one who left) and I have the utmost respect for him for that.

I would suggest you keep writing to her, not asking her anything she needs to reply to, not demanding her time. Just giving her your updates, "Hi kiddo, dad here, just checking in saying I love you. Work's been ok this week..." etc and don't expect a reply. She'll get your mail, and she will be glad that you are remembering her. Send her e-cards on her birthday and at Christmas, to let her know you're thinking of her.

When she's older she will know where to come find you. Stay available and let her know that when she's ready, you are waiting.