Ever notice the double standard?

Question

Mothers who are pregnant are encouraged to give their children up to adoption to couples who are more 'responsible', and then questions about single women adopting are met with kudos.

?

Please explain

Answer 1

Yes double standards exist everywhere in life - and adoption is no different.  The double standard unfortunately hits all sides of adoption when in reality, it should always be about what is best for the child in that particular situation at the time - end of story.

Answer 2

Double standard, around here? No....get outta town!

Answer 3

There is no double standard...it's simply about providing for a child and not relying on the state to do it for you.

Children in lower socioeconomic single parent families are more likely to remain in the cycle of failure.

Even you have commented about children being doomed to a blue collar uneducated family. These children are better served being with an affluent or upper middle class single mothers then with single uneducated welfare mothers.

Answer 4

I can't think of a time I have encouraged a woman to place her child for adoption unless it was what she said she "wanted" to do....  and frankly I don't generally even make a comment to a single woman wanting to adopt because I believe that children need both a mother and father.....

I do see others Supportive of single woman interested in adopting... and may have found myself being supportive of the process or planning for a placement... but, don't generally find myself saying, "Oh go for it--do it and why not!"

I have discouraged single people from adopting too... but, some are going to no matter what....

I also believe that I have personally done my best to be supportive of any pregnant mom who wants to parent.... by offering the best answers I can to the questions asked.

And in my daily life when I know a pregnant woman thinking about adoption or parenting I always support parenting first... and have gone out of my way to be supportive.

Right now my 24 yr niece is due in May she had considered adoption and instead my husband and I have set her up in an aprartment....purchased all the baby furnature and supplies and are willing to do what she need in order to help her parent...

On the other hand the ONLY time I support single woman adopting is in general or when I am acting as a Leader on the county DHS Adoption Support Group where I must be because I don't set the rules....

So.... no I don't see a double standard with myself but find that many people decide they think they know what I think without asking me first....

Thanks For Asking....

Answer 5

I don't see pregnant women on here being encouraged to put up their child for adoption......now.. people may be KIND to someone who is leaning in that direction, as opposed to nasty and mean, and try to give them encouraging words.. but this doesn't mean they're trying to "convince them" that this is what they should do....they simply realize it's the mothers decision ultimately, and are trying to be encouraging of watever decision she makes, not make her feel bad about it..  That's all I see

I've never thought ANYONE shouldn't be a  mom, simply because they're single.. shoot.. who knows if I"ll ever get married or not LOL.. but I certainly want to be a mom, as long as their is some child in need of a home...

if there really is a discrepancy.. maybe it's different answerers.. if Sally Sue thinks single women shouldn't parent, and tells a single pregnant woman that.. but BILLY BOB tells a single woman there's no reason she can't adopt, that's not a double standard.. it's just two different opinions!!

Now...give me a pregnant woman who is convinced that she can NOT parent, and is seriously considering abortion.. and I'll make no apologies for begging, pleading, and trying to convince her not to abort, but to either parent or give it for adoption, if she absolutely can't or doesn't want to parent..

ETA:

Sunny.. your ETA on that other question shows EXACTLY what you think about PAPS..

"ETA: How many e-mails from vultures who want your baby do you have?"

This was Sunny's ETA to a question (now apparently deleted) where a girl was discussing putting her baby for adoption..

Thanks for showing your true colors....  I GUARANTEE YOU that girl has had no such emails.. you wanna bet money on it???

And there are people here actually believe that questions like "isn't adoption coveting" are just "soul searching" and not simply attempts to slam Paps.... maybe their eyes will be opened now..

ETA 2: Heh.. question acted like it was deleted for a minute.. or did my link stop working.. apparently the question isn't deleted, but I'll go ahead and leave the quote posted here instead of the link...

ETA: Kristy.. yup.. we both posted it, you more fully than I...

ETA: I'm breathing fine, thanks.. I actually feel pretty good right now.. thanks for your concern.. especially for a "vulture" :-)

GAZILLIONTH ETA: Uhm, my dear, that is NOT disdain for the infant adoptions in U.S...that is disdain for PAPs, pure and simple.. no way for you to backpedal, get around it, or "enobleize" it..

Answer 6

Speaking as a single adoptive parent, I can tell you that there is generally a difference between a single woman who chooses to make an adoption plan for her child, and one who wishes to become a parent through adoption.

Most birthmothers who choose to give up their child for adoption are not doing so because they are single.  In many cases, they are very young, have not finished their education, and do not have the financial and emotional resources to care for their child.  I suspect that if all birthmothers had the complete, unwavering support of their families, they would all keep their babies, regardless of marital status.

When I chose to adopt as a single woman, I was 37 years old, with a good job, savings, and owned my own home.  I had a large, extended family that fully supported my decision to adopt.  These are very different circumstances than the average single pregnant woman finds herself in.  Not always, but as a general rule.

Answer 7

i think pregnant women dont give their kids to single mothers because the most likely reason they are giving the child up is because they cant take care of it by themself.

Answer 8

I don't think women are necessarily told to give their children to couples as opposed to singles...  I think they could be 'encouraged' to think about adoption if they don't want to raise the children or would make bad mothers.

Answer 9

I hope you dont mean that all single mothers are encouraged to give up their kids? Thats unfair. Unless you have proof of that..................

Answer 10

Yes, I have noticed the double standard and have tried to point it out on other forums.  Agencies are experts at talking out of both sides of their mouths.

Explain?  Easy.  Pregnant woman has commodity.  Single woman has $$s to buy the commodity.  Middleman has can legally sell commodity and collect dollars.  So, only problem is how to get pregnant woman to give up commodity.  Solution - crank out happy-clappy adoption propaganda and design "birthmother" indoctrination programs.  That would be the pre-birth matching where (as an AP here so benevolently pointed out) "allows" the mother to pick out the people to give her baby to.  My goodness - those agencies and APs are so kind and caring to "allow" a mother to make choices for her own child.  I am just swooning with their concern for their fellow humans.

So that's how it's done in the great 'ole USofA.

Answer 11

that pretty much would sum up most human behavior.  there's always a double standard.  it should be looked at in a individual situation by situation matter.  but people like to generalize and pick and choose which best fits what they want to believe.

you know what?  it doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks.  everyone likes to take things out of context and twist them around to fit their own feelings of how others should feel.  it goes both ways on here.  the middle school antics of some of the adults on here is absurd.

Answer 12

I've seen many kudos to couples who have adopted as well.  Ofcourse, because I am a very proud single adoptive parent, to a wonderful toddler, I know single parents are as great of a choice as a couple.

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The link to the message above has been deleted.  Why is it that people can dish it out but not take it back?

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Shellp P:  I think I found what your link was to.  Am I correct?



"by sunny

Member since:

August 14, 2007

Total points:

5012 (Level 5)

Badge Image:...



... If you want to be "inspired" to give your child up to strangers, look to Hollywood--Juno is a fantasy that will make you feel good about avoiding responsibility.

If you are ever curious about the FACTS about what adoption IS, and what is doeslong term to mothers and children, read here, and do yourself and your child a favor:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

A study of adoption:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

ETA: How many e-mails from vultures who want your baby do you have?"

Answer 13

It's the magic looking glass upside down world of adoption.

Answer 14

I agree that is awful.  Single parenthood and financial status are not reasons to give up your child.  

Though I cringe at someone with no money who has seven kids, that is not the norm.  

So it is a double standard, and I don't think people shoujld give up their kdis just because they are single.  How 1950's.

sorry spelling awful today, fingers too fat.

Answer 15

Of course.

But, Sunny, if it weren't for double standards, discrimination and duplicity, how could anyone 'explain' most of what goes on in adoption?