Father in law?

Question

My son is 4 months old and my father in law has been out of town the last 2 months. My father in law came back into town about a week ago and when he came over to see my son , my son wanted nothing to do with him, he cried the whole time. Anyways a few days later we went over to there house and the same thing happened and since my father in law was drunk he was being really loud and obnoxious and was saying things about my son that are just rude like " Is he brain dead ?? He has the same expression on his face everytime I see him" , he said this like 4 different times that night and of course I just smiled and went on about my business it really pissed me off !!!!! Now they are saying I spend too much time with the baby and the baby is attached to me. I dont know what to do, a part of me wants to help getting my son to like them and the other half wants to tell them just to stay away from my son.

Answer 1

Keep people like that away from your child. I can speak from first hand experience the anger and resentment your child will have as an adult if he is forced to be around such negative people.

If they want to come over to your house OCCASIONALLY to visit (we're talking Sunday dinner or another situation where they're only there a few hours), that's one thing - mostly because you would end up in a fight with hubby otherwise. The good thing about them coming to your house is that you can implement rules about how there's "no drinking" and that NO ONE in the family is disrespected while under your roof - including rude comments regarding your son.

Otherwise, do NOT go over to their house anymore. If they ask why, be straightforward with them (I'm Christian, so I believe in the whole "the truth shall set you free" deal). Tell your father-in-law "well, the last time I was there you seemed to be a bit pre-occupied and, I've gotta' be honest with you so-and-so, you were downright rude. You were belittling my son and even going so far as to tell me how to parent. I didn't say anything b/c it is your house after all, so I figured the best thing to do for all involved is to simply not visit when we might be inconvienencing you."

Answer 2

Good for you for being attached to your baby!  That's the only part of the story that sounds right to me.  I think I would be refusing or discouraging visits from whoever calls my child brain dead or anything else so mean hearted, no matter what their title is.

Your job is to protect your baby, not to be family peacekeeper!

Answer 3

ur son has shown his feelings.its ok.if ur father in law wants to improve his relationship with ur son ,then he has to work on it.in the meanwhile let it pass.its ur duty and priority to be spending most of ur time with ur young  son.this is ur bonding time. dont let others talk u out of it.let them say what they like.u enjoy ur bonding with ur baby.he truly needs it .

Answer 4

Of course your son is attached to you ....your his MOTHER.

secondly, if I were you, I'm come up with a rule RIGHT NOW that allows no drinking around your child. Believe me you do not want this to continue. (personal experience)

I'd have a conversation with your childs father and let him know how unhappy you are about this. and that its unacceptable.

Answer 5

Woah! If my father in law, or anyone in that matter, said anything like that to my kids, Id tell them where to go, grab my kids and leave!!

That is horrible!!! His a baby for petes sake. Id be talking to your partner and staying the heck away from your FIL

Answer 6

why are you even bringing your son into an environment like that. he shouldn't be around such verbal abuse. your children come first.

Answer 7

I would want him to stay away from my son drunkin bum, and you shouldnt want ur kid around a guy like that bad influence, h**l the kids right i wouldnt want anything to do with him eather, your kids are the best personality spotter go with how hes acting.

Answer 8

4 month old babies are supposed to be attached to the parents. And your FIL is an A$$. I had a FIL like that, drunk and nasty all the time. My kids didn't like him but I thought it was because I didn't. Turns out he was a child molester. Kids are smarter than we know.

Why do you want your son exposed to that? Why would your husband allow his father to speak that way? You really need to speak to hubby about his childhood. I bet there are some ugly stories there and he thinks this is normal. Its not.

Answer 9

You and your little baby should be attached!  That is God's plan.

It is your responsibility to protect your child.  The law says you must have your child or children around people who will not harm or abuse.  

Your husband needs to man up to his drunken, abusive dad.  If the G-pa cannot mind his manners and stay sober, then he should not be around you or the g-baby!  

That is a horrible thing to say about anyone....brain dead!!!

Answer 10

You are his mother and you can spend as much time as you want with him!!! There is no law saying you can only spend a certain amount of time with him and you let them know that!!! As for as him not going to him... Its a baby thing!!! He is someone unfamiliar with him! Its going to take some time! Not 2 days! As far as him asking if he was brain dead I think your father in law is brain dead for even asking that question!

Answer 11

Hey i don't blame you for feeling like you should keep your son away from them. I also have in-laws that do or say things and I have no idea how to react. Sometimes they just catch you off guard. Of course the baby is attached to you, your his mother! You could keep your distance unless you have to see them. When you see them and they make the comments you have two options, get up and leave and say nothing or you could say I really don't appreciate what you just said. If they have so little common sense to say hurtful things like that to you then your best bet is to just leave because chances are it will start a conflict. Children are usually the best judge of people and if they don't like someone it's for a reason! We have a rule in our family (because we have some with drinking problems) our rule is when we are having family get togethers no-one is allowed to drink until after the function and everyone is gone. I usually make sure the alcohol is gone and out of site before anyone arrives.