Fiance in Army... Is this true?

Question

Now I am going to be writing alot- so please wait to respond until I have added ALL details... We met in NY and he was in the middle of his divorce (I saw his copies of the papers) He enlisted and shipped out in May- he needed $ for a car to come see me so I took a loan to put 5k in his account... 3 days later I get the news that the wife has refused to grant the divroce and shes pregnant with baby#2.... It was stupid of me to give the money I know and I dont expect it back- but now he's strung me along for the past year and a half (even had me move near the base 1k miles from my family) now he's deployed and I have become the type of woman I hate. I value marriage and the divorce STILL hasnt gone through- says its because shes threatening to not allow custody etc... He says that JAG cant help him in this issue and its a civilian matter even though shes "drained" him of his money... I am just so hurt that I was this stupid to fall for the lies from him. I feel like I was just used for the money (he's never bought/paid for anything for me) I just want an honest opinion... I hate being that "woman" and have cut off contact- Please... I dont want to hear how bad a person I am- I have NEVER dated a married man before- I wouldnt even date a friends EX- I just need to know if this is a possibility- I dont know. I just wish I hadnt been so dumb. I guess its time to move on and stop wondering about this no-good man...

Answer 1

Well it is true that JAG can't do anything with his divorce.  They can give you legal advise but they can't help with it.  If he gave her POA with the money and checking accounts then that is his fault.  

If I were you I would cut all ties with him and not talk to him at all.  He sounds like trouble and so does she.  Even if they did finalize the divorce she would always be in his life because of the kids and that means you would always have contact with her.  

I would move back closer to your family and start all over again.

Good Luck

Answer 2

It's no ones place to lay judgment on your relationship with this man.  

Looking at the big picture here, your money and whether or not JAG can help.

JAG can provide him free legal advice and review the divorce decree with him.  However, JAG cannot initiate or represent your husband in a divorce.  It is a civilian matter.  

Your money.  Seeing that the loan was taken out in your name, the bank is going to hold you liable for it regardless of the reasons why you took it out.  You could try to get the money back by contacting his command and providing them with the transmittal receipt that shows your $$ going into his bank account.  You could also go the route of taking him to small claims court.  Both of these options are available to you.

The first option is going to put this man in a lot of hot water because the military frowns on adultery.  He may/will be reprimanded by his command.  This is something you should be aware of if you decide to pursue this option and whether or not you're ready for what may develop.  If they initiate and Article 15 on him, chances are you may be called to testify that you did have an affair with a married service-member.  The only reason I say this, is because it could happen and you should know what's in store for you.

Good luck and I hope that things work out for you.

Answer 3

A surprisingly high amount of women have been "that woman," as you so bluntly put it.  I myself have blindly fallen into very similar traps.  I think it's a rite of passage.

On to your question - technically, JAG can't force his wife to grant a divorce.  However, she can threaten non-custody all she wants, but she would have to prove extreme wrong-doing on his part for a court to grant that.  For example, she would have to prove that he has been physically or emotionally abusive of her as well as the children.

If you feel that this gentleman (and I do use that term loosely) is just playing games with you and you have proof of any kind (text message, email, note, receipt..) that the $5,000 he used to buy the car was yours, you can go to his commander and inform him of the situation and see where it could go from there; his commander COULD force him to pay back the loan but it depends on how much proof you have and of course on his commander.

The military is extremely uptight about adultery, so if necessary you could easily have him court-martialed for that - but keep in mind that court-martial will follow him for the rest of his career and severely limit his opportunities.  (Of course that makes it a GREAT bargaining chip in asking for your money back...)

Answer 4

Sweety, I have seen and heard of your story many times, during my 20+ year Naval career.

I am so sorry.

'Cut and run' is the best that I can say.

Answer 5

you mean is it true th JAG cannot and will not help in in the divorce/custody?  YES.  JAG is for MILITARY court cases only.  the only thing he could get through JAG is a simple POA or will.  they cannot and will not help in in civil court cases.  

sue him in small claims court when he gets back from the deployment if you want the money.  otherwise.. be thankful you didn't get sucked under worse.  

Answer 6

You don't need that c**p!!  I would end it.  Just leave.  You're just going to end up being all depressed and stuff, and no one needs that.  Especially for no reason.  

I'm so sorry it happened though.  I hope you find happiness with someone else.  

Answer 7

you are not dumb, none of that was your fault, but he got you.  Best to just cut your losses and move on.  plain and simple

Answer 8

cut your losses!

lesson learned: Never **** a married man!

He will always go back to the old bag!

Answer 9

men suck...sorry to hear about your troubles i hope it gets better...sounds like you need to take some YOU time. forget about him you can do better!

Answer 10

being a military wife, I've actually heard a lot of situations like this.  Its not uncommon.  However I think you need to just cut your losses.  You seem pretty smart, and it appears you just had a moment of weakness which had you make a few poor choices (but who hasn't done that before?)  I would just 100% end it, you don't need the aggravation and you'll find better.  Let him deal with the wife, let him deal with the issues.  Just think of it as your 5K mistake and be done with it all.  

Answer 11

Oh for heavens sakes, you are not a "bad person". You said your self that you saw papers, meaning you were smart enough to ask to see them. Just because you fell for this tool-bag's lies doesn't mean you are bad, maybe a little naive. But who doesn't want to fall madly in love and live happily ever after? You didn't know that he was obviously still sleeping with his wife and got her pregnant. We all make mistakes, you just have to learn from them. Which it sounds like you are. Good for you for cutting all ties to this jerk who strung you along. You deserve better than this. But please don't give up on love or the thought of a good man. I dated and got engaged to someone and after three years of lies and abusive I left him a couple of months before our wedding. I hated all men, then I met my soul mate. He had just come home from his first tour in Iraq. We dated for five months and got married! It's been five years and two kids later and we are still madly IN love with each other. Sometimes it takes a really bad situation (or person) to help us notice a great thing (or person, lol). Don't let this guy take your dreams, he has taken enough from you. No one is perfect. Just learn from it and keep your eyes out for someone who is going to treat you the way you should be treated. I know how let down you feel. Cheer up, it gets better I promise. Always here to listen if you need it :)