Finding My Adopted Parents?

Question

I was abandoned shortly after I was born in 1990. I was adopted by my family (legally the next year). I have always wanted to find my birth parents. I do not know anything about them and am not sure about finding them. All I know is that the police think my birthmother was a teen.

Answer 1

GUC has some good points. there is a ton to think about here.

If you do want to search and have the "hope" that your birth mom is looking, try registering on some free websites. one to start you with is findme.org. i wouldn't invest to much money into it at first.

if a newspaper, or a news crew wont take your story, take it somewhere like, Maury Povich or Steve Wilkos show. i bet they would find it interesting.

Answer 2

Are you saying you were adopted by a different family or someone in your biological mother's family adopted you?

You usually have to wait until you are 18 years old to be able to get information from the adoption agency that the adoption went through. It would help greatly if you knew your mother's name or even a location/hospital you were born at.

Answer 3

Ki gave you great advice.  I would proceed with the things she suggested!  Chances are the newspaper/media people would be very interested in doing a followup.  An abandoned baby wanting closure is a very captivating story that will draw people in.  And it is true that your parents might be willing to come forward, now that so much time has passed.  

I especially like the tips to include your picture, in case you look like one of your biological parents...and to possibly check the note for DNA and see if there's a match.  Very good thinking!  

I'm really sorry for the things you've gone through in your life.  You're lucky to even be alive.  It's bad that your bio mom abandoned you like that, but she could have done worse in this day and age.  You must be very strong, physically and emotionally, to have made it to almost-adulthood!  I hope that you find the closure you need!  Good luck.  :)

Answer 4

I hope that you have carefully considered your actions.  While I am certain that your circumstances will make you always be curious about your birth parents, there are other issues.  You need to consider the worst possible scenarios here.  Make sure that the benefit is worth the risk. What is the best that could come from this?  What is the worst?

#1

Is finding your birth parents the best thing for you?  How will it help you?  Will it change your future?  For the better?

#2

Finding your birth parents will have a cost to you.  What will that cost be?  You have an emotional investment in this.  If you find your birth parents, how will that affect you?  Will it be for the good?  If they are upset that you found them, how will you handle that?  If they greet you wiith open arms and want you to be part of their families, how will you handle that?  If your birth parents accept you, but their extended families reject you, how will you respond?  If you do NOT find your birth parents, how will that affect you?  Will it be for the good?

#3

Finding your birth parents will have a cost to your birth parents.  What will that cost be?  Will it help them?  harm them?  If your birth mother never told her husband that she had a baby, what happens to their family?  If her husband knows, it is not likely that all of his family knows.  How will they respond?

#4

Finding your birth parents will have a cost to your adoptive family.  What will that cost be?  Will they think that you are dissatisfied with them?  that are not they good enough?  Will you alienate them?  Do they want to share the child they raised with the people who abandoned that child at birth and didn't try to find her later?  If your birth parents accept you, how will your adoptive family react?  If your birth parents reject you, how will your adoptive family react?

#5

What if it is all a cover story?  What if Aunt Sue is really "Mom"?  How will that affect you, Aunt Sue, your adoptive mother, your extended family?

I read all of the very positive stories of mothers found.  It gives a false impression that the outcome is normally not merely positive, but wonderful.  Do you think that those who caused great pain to themselves or destroyed other families would write up the story for all to read?

I hate to be the 'downer' here but the downside does need to be considered.

Answer 5

Hmmm, your case is hard.  I take it that your birth wasn't registered.  The fact that you were abandoned may have made the local news in your city.  If you don't have the news clippings already, go to the library and check for stories of an abandoned baby found.  You can then contact the local paper of that city and tell them your story.  They may be willing to do a follow up story about you and the fact that you are looking for your birth parents.  After all of this time, some one may be willing to talk.

If you can't get the paper to take an interest in your story, call the local news or you can try taking out an ad in the newspaper and do it yourself.  Make sure you include your picture, you may look enough like your birth parent to trigger someone's memory.

Edit:

If the police still have the original note, they can check for finger prints and dna.  If whoever wrote the note was ever arrested, they may get a hit.

Answer 6

I was adopted at the age of 3 so I understand what you are going through.   I also had an older brother - 14 months older)

I found my birth family (both sides of family) and with my mother's side all I can say is that I opened a can of worms that I didn't want to mess with.  My father's side has been very accepting, warm, loving and gracious and has made it quite clear that my father didn't want to let me go.

However, that said, I would urge you to examine your reasons for wanting to know.  I know all too well about the urge to "ask questions".  When my brother found out that our dad had already died prior to me finding them, he was outraged.  Why?  Because he had questions and he expected our "dad" to answer to them.  He feels that he was betrayed and that our dad had owed us a lot of explanations and he couldn't stand the fact that our dad had the audacity to die before he could hold him accountable.

Please also keep in mind that not every reunion is a teary-eyed event.  You could get doors slammed in your face, meet a stony wall of silence and have people take sides.  You could also be tearing the birth family apart over an event that might have been too painful for them to remember and deal with.

Please use caution as you proceed.  I hope that you find what you are looking for.

Answer 7

first....Consider what may be the most famous case of adoption in history—that of Jesus Christ. Jesus was not the biological son of Joseph the carpenter, yet Joseph adopted the child as his own. (Matthew 1:24, 25) As Jesus grew up, did he rebel against Joseph’s authority? On the contrary, Jesus understood that it was God’s will for him to obey his adoptive father. Jesus was well familiar with a law that Jehovah had given to the children of Israel.

Having a good relationship with your adoptive parents involves much more than honor and obedience. Likely, you want a home atmosphere that is warm and loving. Your adoptive parents have the responsibility to create such an atmosphere. But you can play an important part as well. How?

First, look for ways to get closer to your parents. Ask them about themselves, their lives, their interests. Seek their advice on some problem that is weighing you down, choosing a time when they are relaxed and receptive. (Proverbs 20:5) Second, look for ways to contribute to the functioning of the household, such as by helping with housework and chores without having to be prompted.

What, though, about your natural parents? If you decide to seek them out, or if they decide to seek you out, will that necessarily threaten your bond with your adoptive parents? In the past, adoption agencies often refused to pass on information to help biological parents find the child they gave up for adoption or vice versa. Today, policies in some lands are more open, and many adoptive children have been brought face-to-face with biological parents whom they do not remember at all. Of course, adoption policies may be different where you live.

At any rate, whether to seek out your biological parents or not is a personal decision, and it may not be an easy one. Adopted youths have a wide range of feelings on the issue. Some yearn to find their biological parents; others are determined not to do so. However, you may be assured that many adopted youths have been brought into contact with their natural parents without losing the stable relationship they have with their adoptive parents.

Seek advice from your adoptive parents and perhaps from mature friends in the Christian congregation. (Proverbs 15:22) Weigh your options carefully, and allow some time before taking any action. As Proverbs 14:15 says, “the shrewd one considers his steps.”

If you decide to try to form a connection with your natural parents, endeavor to reassure your adoptive parents of your continued love and respect. That way, as you gradually come to know those who caused your birth and gave you up for adoption long ago, you will maintain the stable bond with the parents who raised you and trained you.

Answer 8

well i was left with my dad and two young sisters and my mom went off day after i was born with her boyfirend. i guess my story isn't as bad as yours. but you know you should beable to get something out of the courts or social security admin or something. maybe your folks can help you now. i know the feeling its just seeing her or them and not really about much you know what type person she was but remember. she had you and could have aborted you. she was probably told to get rid of you aqnd that she could not take you or was her parents weren't going to raise you. in fact it was best you are where you are. it could be very possibel your mom was teen. its like the medical that you could find out and there are sealed records where ever you were adopted by the court and you need to see if you can find that. its just to know something nothing more take care.