Fixing Broken Marriages?

Question

Just one question for the masses:

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 unhappy years. He's rarely home and he has lied to me over and over again. We are now on the verge of ending it all (I guess I should say that I am almost ready to end it). I've gone to a great deal of counseling. I've tried to do marriage counseling with my husband, but he says he's too busy. He went to two sessions with me in 3 years... He now says that he doesn't want to get a divorce and he loves me, and if I would just come home and have s*x with him then everything would be ok... This is my first marriage,and I'm 28 years old, so I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me? I want to talk and work out our problems with all the past lies and deception, and he doesn't want to - he just said to forget about it and that he's sorry and to just come home and make love to him and it will all go away? Am I wrong to think this is crazy???

Answer 1

He is crazy and you are too if you stay with him

Answer 2

He's ridiculous, but at least he wants s*x still.  If you want s*x, sure run home to him like a big dummy.  He will never change though, and if leaving didn't make him change not much will.  

Answer 3

Making love will not make it go away, and if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I would like to sell you.  He seems standoffish.  He doesn't appear to want to be with you.  Sometimes it is better to end this kind of relationship.  He won't go talk to anyone with you to even try to fix it.  You state you are 28 years old.  You aren't getting any younger.  End this relationship and go find someone that likes to be with you, shares your interests, doesn't lie to you, and doesn't make you feel like there is something wrong with you.  If you just see this guy to have s*x,  you will wish you hadn't.  It's going to be worse for you in the long run.  He's trying to use your body.  

Answer 4

he is wasting your best years......you know you deserve better or you will end up bitter in your 40s

Answer 5

s*x will not fix a broken marriage (unless withholding s*x is the problem).  It sounds to me that your troubles run much deeper than that.  If he wants to salvage your marriage, then you BOTH will do what you can to "fix" it.........and that means he will be care about getting to the root of his lying/deception issues and want to have a open/honest marriage in all ways.   May the Lord bless you both...........be patient.   Good marriages take LOTS of hard work, LOTS of forgiveness, and LOTS of time.   If you are willing to do the LOTS, you will be greatly blessed with a life-long/stable/loving marriage----one that your children will desire to duplicate.    What a legacy you will give to them in the face of a generation who has devalued marriage and put their children into the midst of broken/blended/disfunctional families.............Think LONG term and you will be able to overlook the unimportant things in your marriage.

http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 6

sounds like you have been unhappy for a while.  what kind of lies has he been saying?  sorry but it kinda sounds like hes cheating on you. if hes not willing to try to work it out then maybe its better to leave him for a while so you can both think about things.

Answer 7

s*x will not fix the problem. Women are more emotional, and men physical which might explain why he thinks s*x will make things better. No excuse though. If you don't even want to have s*x with him, and your problems have been going on for 4 years now, what is keeping you married to him?

Answer 8

Tolstoy said that all happy couples are the same while each unhappy couple is different, so it's not surprising you're in doubt. There are no rules, you make them yourself for your own life and your own decisions. Four years of unhappiness seems more than enough to me to dedicate to anybody. Think of yourself for a change! It seems to me you've done all can to try to save your relationship and it's true, as another person has told you, you're wasting some of the best years in your life, the years when people have the best chance of finding someone they can share their life with, if they want. From what you've said the other half of this relationship is not really interested or else has an awful lot of growing up to do. Either way, you've done what you could, so give yourself a break. Of course s*x can help people to get over tensions, but that's when other things are more or less ok. I'm sure you'll find lots of interesting people and people who will give you a great deal more than you've gotten in the last four years. The only thing that's wrong with you is that you've given too much to someone who gave nothing back. Of course if you still really want to try it, then you should write out your conditions stating exactly what you want, get him to agree, and the first time he fails to deliver get out! Good luck and keep up your spirits. That's where you should be directing your energies right now.

Answer 9

Of course he wants you to forget the lies and deceptions, because that means he won't have to face up to the damage he's caused in the relationship.  Sounds like he wants you to do what pleases him, yet he's not so willing to do what pleases you.

What does your counselor say?

This sounds awfully one-sided to me.  Based solely on what you've written here, he sounds like he's selfish and just wants the problems to go away.  He doesn't have the courage to face them and is unwilling to put forth the effort to change his ways.  

Sorry, I wish I could say something more positive and uplifting, but I don't see how only one half of a couple can fix this marriage.