For Adoptive Parents?

Question

I am not really talking about the ones that adopt babies or young ones. But if you adopted a child, say 10 & 13 knowing that they where sexually and physically abused how do you raise them? Do you force them to call you mom and tell them not to talk to eachother before they adapted in the family. Like "Devided they fall"

Do you except them to act like your kids? even though they just entered your home. Do you isolate them, even from other people living in the home. Homeschool (nothings wrong them) them to have more 'say' over what they do. Making there life only at home, and forcing them to have no fun.

Hitting them (or spanking) when they do something slow or not how you think they should. Then send the younger one away cause "she kicked you when you hit her for being dislextic and not doing her work right"

Then 3 years later wonder you out the older one in a mental instution. And blame it all on her, being definate. Does this make sence??? How would you treat them?

Answer 1

this doesn't answer your question, but when my friend was a teenager in foster care the foster kids all had the basement and the family had upstairs. the foster kids couldn't watch tv, or celebrate christmas with the kids upstairs. they did have their own christmas tree, and gifts, and TV, but how awful is that to make them stay downstairs.... they could go outside and to school and everything like the rest of the family, but couldn't interact as a family. isn't that awful. my friend was 15 so she knew it was not because of anything she did, but the little kids had a rough time with it... sad huh, i hope that is NOT a normal scenerio

Answer 2

wow...issues Im sure....

No you don't adopt a child from abuse for abuse.

You adopt them because you love them, want to mke a difference.  You get them involved in activities, baseball, basketball, karate, whatever they're into.

Youtake them to counseling to help with the abuse they suffered.

Most of all.....you become a great listener and always be there for them and love unconditionally.

Don't act like they're aren't caring or loving people out there.

Answer 3

if you adopt them then they will be your kids.

let them have the choice when to call you mom or dad.

dont be mean to them and let them stay out late and take them to there school conjunctions.

after a month you can start treating them better and more like a parent but first you need to become friends with them and see all there interests.

let them have there freedom, and TRUST ME! dont home school them!!!!

and dont force them to have no fun they will just run away from you. and no abusing them.

Answer 4

sounds like a psycho not a true loving adoptive parent.

Answer 5

Normally older children are placed in foster care before they are adopted. Foster parents have to go through a series of questions, as well as their references when they apply to become foster parents. In most places, they are required to take classes on children with behavior problems, and what to expect with foster children. Pretty much anyone over the age of 5 in foster care is considered a special needs child, because they don't adapt as easy as younger children and babies do.

When they are adopted, the parents do become the mom and dad, but the kids should have time to adjust to their new home, and shouldn't be forced to do anything they aren't comfortable with.

My husband doesn't want my kids to call him 'dad' because he doesn't want his kids calling someone else dad. They had a step dad for a few years, and their mom insisted that the kids call him dad- which they refused. They didn't feel right about it. My kids do call their step dad "dad" sometimes, and that's ok with us. As long as they know they don't HAVE too.

Answer 6

Wow, you know the answer to this, I'm sure, but I'll confirm it for you -- anyone who would do this to a child is SICK! This is child abuse. They should not be raising kids, period. Anyone who would treat at adopted or foster child this way is not a fit parent -- certainly not for an adopted child, but I find it hard to believe they would be a fit parent for any child.

If you know about a situation like this and the children are still in this home (that part was unclear to me), I believe you should probably report it. Talk to the child(ren) first, if you can, as they are almost adults now and should probably have some say.  

Is your son in this home also? I'm confused about this last part. If he is, then you need a lawyer, probably, to get him out. Hopefully your ex will tell the truth in court at least. Good luck -- it sounds as if you'll need it. But you need to fight for these kids.